Posts Tagged ‘Women’

#SPENCERISM- Bromance?!?

Posted: October 17, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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Yeah, at first glance it kinda weirded me out a little bit too… No, but try this… As my song ASPIRATIONS is playing and the line “I wanna be your boyfriend” comes up, look hard and straight at the picture above, Bwuahahaha!! Ok, Ok…

Ok, so this is NOT a post about homosexuality or bi-sexuality or tri-sexuality or even my-sexuality, it’s about this new phenomenon called “BROMANCE.” Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a new topic but the intensity of it is rising at a rate that I don’t think any of us are realizing. Allow me to set the scene… It’s 10pm, on a Wednesday evening. There’s a group of guys at the bar after work and they’re having drinks, smoking cigars and watching the game. There’s 3 seconds left in the game, the score is tied and just before the buzzer, their team hits the game winning shot. They all stand to their feet, jumping up and down, hugging, and hi-fiving. At that point, the bartender lets them know that its last call and it’s almost time to close up shop. One guy does a light jog over to the coat rack, grabs his coat, gives the guys all hugs and handshakes and makes it known that he has to head home to his wife. The rest of the guys do the same thing though not quite as urgently. Then there’s that last guy who basically does not want to go home to his wife. He practically cries at the thought of having to walk through his front door and be greeted by his wife… Wanna know why? It’s because of a simple word… APPRECIATION.

Now, the word APPRECIATION is similar to the word RESPECT. They are both things that people should both give and get automatically (at a basic level) but your performance determines how much RESPECT and APPRECIATION people will continue to give you and show you. The problem is… Too many men aren’t real men which is why they often don’t get the respect and appreciation they feel that they deserve. But on the flip side, a lot of men… (I’ve been in this boat myself) go above and beyond in their relationships yet still don’t get the appreciation that they’d like in return. Uh Oh… wait, here goes the ladies thinking, “Well it’s the same way the other way around, Kel!” And this is indeed true but we’re talking about Bromance right now so back off, sister!

Like I was saying, Men gravitate towards where we feel appreciated. For example, a prostitute, stripper, mistress, and maybe even that woman down at the gym with the skimpy outfit, all visually and often verbally (Compliments, Flirting. etc…) show your man that they appreciate him. Granted, they may not be genuine with it but it sure feels like it! Maybe even more than you do… So he gravitates towards them. Your husband doesn’t want to throw away that old football jersey or his trophies that have been in the garage collecting dust, why? Because those are symbols of appreciation. He wore that jersey while a crowd was screaming his name. He received those trophies as a result of his athletic efforts being recognized.

If a man is worthy of respect and appreciation and his woman is not supplying him with it, he will seek that appreciation elsewhere and often in a group setting with his buddies… BROMANCE! Furthermore, the increase in Independent Women can cause an increase in overlooking how much your man needs to feel appreciated. Just keep this stuff  in mind.

So, if you happen to know a man who is heavily involved in John Madden marathons with his boys and/or extra hours at the gym taking back to back zumba classes, don’t be so quick to question his sexuality. He just might be an immature weed-smoking video game nut with a kinky spandex fetish… That’s possible. But he also might be screaming for the attention that his woman isn’t giving him so he resorts to…

Think about it… Oh, and fellas don’t think that if you don’t appreciate her she can’t get that elsewhere either, playa!!! Please feel free to share…

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Are Men Jerks?

Posted: October 5, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: , , , , , ,
So here’s how the text went… Keep in mind, these 2 people are attracted to each other but not in a relationship, have never done anything sexual. They talk on the phone and laugh and text each other pictures and poke on facebook and that kinda thing;
 
9:22pm Her: Hey you… Watcha doing?
 
9:23pm Him: Watching the game.
 
9:25pm Her: I’m missing it. What’s the score?
 
9:25pm Him: 16-7 Ravens up.
 
9:29pm Her: What Quarter?
 
9:30pm Him: You’re killing me… 2nd Quarter just started.
 
9:30pm Her: Oh hush. Never freaking mind then.
 
9:31pm Him: I know. How inconsiderate of me. What was I thinking? My apologies.

9:35pm Her: I don’t need sarcasm.

9:36pm Him: Well you don’t like honesty so I figured I’d try something else. FYI Me saying “Watching The Game” is where you respond with “Oh ok, Should I let you go?” That way, the person has the option to go back to doing what they were doing or continue texting you. Just a ‘people’ tip.

9:46pm Her: I would never say that if someone tells me they’re watching the game because I watch football too. I was just interested in an update since I’m at work. So excuse me mister! Sorry for keeping it going without your permission.

9:47pm Him: No worries. Apology accepted.

9:49pm Her: That, my dear, was sarcasm.

9:51pm Him: I know. And this, my dear, is you continuing to text. So after 30 minutes it’s obvious that you don’t care that I’m watching the game and you just want what you want. 

10:04pm Her: I’m pissed off that you’re actually trying to scold me. I’ll know next time not to choose you to text during my first break of the day. 

Who messed that up? Was the guy being mean? Because you and I both know that’s what she feels. Was he being insensitive? Or was he being honest they way women always ask for? Ya know, “I want a man to keep it real with me.” Where did this go wrong? Or was it no one’s fault and just a clear case of inadvertent miscommunication? Which one?

Here’s another;

Her: I just don’t get you.

Him: What do you mean?

Her: It’s hard to figure you out.

Him: Well, don’t try.

Her: Well excuse me!

Him: I just think that a relationship should be built as a mutually enjoyable evolving experience, not someone treating the other like a mystery or some code that needs to be cracked. All you need to “figure out” will be figured out as we grow together.

Her: Whatever

She doesn’t like what was said to her. Was he being insensitive and callous? Was he being mean and showing no compassion? Or was he being honest and forthright? Or again… Was this just a simple misfire in communication?

Here’s one more;

Her: I’m hungry babe. Let’s grab a bite to eat.

Him: Cool, what do you have a taste for?

Her: I don’t know something quick.

Him: Well, there are all the fast food restaurants nearby from McDonald’s to Burger King to Wendy’s and even a Checkers.

Her: Nah, I don’t want fast food.

Him: Hmmm… How about Subway or Quiznos? That’s not as fast as fast food but still fast.

Her: Nah, I just had a sandwich yesterday.

Him: Well, what about Golden Crust or Boston Market?

Her: Nah, that’s a little too heavy.

Him: (Slightly annoyed) Well, I’m down for any one of those, you let me know what you want.

Her: What’s with the attitude?

We know where this one is headed. Who messed up?? Or maybe no one did.

You may or may not remember, I posted 2 blogs that touched on this topic in a similar way. One was called Spoiled Bratz and the other was called Vagina 8.0. All I’m asking is, how do we make this right?!?!?

-Kel Spencer

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FRξSH PЯINCξ OF BЯOOKLYN | iLoveJesus | American Music Award Winning Writer | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | #ChixDigMe | GGA | #TeamNoBoxes | QB of The Urban Experience| Warrior Poet |
 
 
 
 

#SPENCERISM- She’s A Murderer

Posted: September 19, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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I woke up this morning to learn that she killed her child. She shot her child. She literally killed her own child. I was shocked on the phone. What a way to start the week…

She says that she was stressed out. She says that the pressure of her situation was too much to take and that’s why she did it. She says, “All I ever wanted was love and to be in a peaceful place. But instead all I get is pain and pressure and hurt and torment and that’s why I did it!“

I know that as you read this, you have a picture in your mind of the type of woman who would do something like this. In your mind she might be asian or white or black or petite or husky or maybe look crazy or have a mild manner about her. Well, let me add to the news that I received and that might help you to fill in the colors and shades of the outline that you’re creating in your mind. The child was only 7 months old….

And not 7 months old the way that you’re thinking. What I mean is… She was 7 months pregnant.

She was married once before. She got a divorce because she learned that her husband was cheating on her. She moved past the hurt and humiliation of that relationship and eventually re-married. Her second husband cheated on her as well.  She’s living everyday life with a budding life inside of her, swollen ankles, emotional waves, hormonal instability, but also hope, joy and optimism, while her spouse and “better half” is violating their vows… For a second time in her life. “All I ever wanted was love and to be in a peaceful place. But instead all I get is pain and pressure and hurt and torment and that’s why I did it!” As last week ended, so did her life and the life of her unborn child. She shot herself in the head. Maybe HE’s the murderer.

Cheating… I don’t even know where to start. Is the person we’re with not enough? Sex, on average, only lasts what…. 25-35 minutes? If that! Are the sneaky phone calls & text messages, and private Facebook messages and secretive meet-ups, and gas money to meet up and money spent on hotel rooms and/or meals and/or movie tickets, and time/effort/energy put into all of this really worth that half hour of lust just for you to like them less right after you get your rocks off anyway? Is it worth it? And trust me, I’m not acting holier than thou because I am guilty of cheating too! Most of us have done it, but why?!? Do we not have self-control? Do we not have an internal police and moral compass? Is respect for our relationship really that low that cheating is damn near a societal norm? What is really wrong with us?!?!?

And let’s not even get into marriage. That makes it even worse and more disgusting. I know that women cheat but this is really aimed at the men. We all really need to look at what cheating is and does. There is an unspoken agreement of terms when you get into a relationship. It is assumed that those terms will be acted out for the sake of building the relationship to a healthy place. When those terms are not upheld and even violated it makes no sense to even be in that relationship! I mean, like let’s really look at this from a logical standpoint. Why agree to commit to a person that you’re not going to commit to?!? JUST STAY SINGLE! I know I’m just venting but let’s really take a look at ourselves and the relationships around us. RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALL WE HAVE!!!! Everything on this planet, is catalyzed by way of relationship. Nothing can get done or achieved in isolation. No growth can occur in solitary confinement. All we have is relationships. And the male/female sexual dynamic is what populates the human race. It’s what keeps life going.  You get a stigma when you’re a crackhead or a child-rapist or even a thief but not for being a cheater… Why can’t we do it the right way?!?

Much love to Lisa, My prayers are with you and your circle. And C. Tucker, I’m sure this struck a chord with you also. I love you both dearly and I’ll continue to stand in the gap for any hurt or discomfort that may be there. Praise God…

Reminds me, I did a track called “Know The Truth” that I know is appropriate for this post. Listen to a FREE snippet of  it on itunes, or rhapsody.  If you wanna spend a WHOPPING .99 to buy it, please feel free. You can even avail yourself to the Entire Salon Stories Project via download OR have a hard copy with artwork and track listing and photos delivered to you via Amazon. It’s up to you.

Let’s all get it together y’all. We all need to step it up and get this thing under wraps.

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Summer’s Over

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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Yup, it’s pretty much over…

Start pulling the sweaters and track jackets out. You might be able to get away with shorts and long sleeves for a couple more weeks but it’s pretty much a wrap. It was Hot, It was Fun, It was Quick (#Pause)… and now it’s over. Isn’t it amazing how the changing of a season… which we all knew would come, because it happens every year, can change your mood? Or your attitude? Or even things we think about? Pretty interesting stuff… And that is exactly why I want to focus on one of the most profound statements that I’ve heard in a long time. The statement came from a very good friend of mine and it goes like this:

“I cannot seriously commit to a person until I’ve dated them in each of the seasons.” 

Now I must admit, upon hearing this, I initially had the forehead wrinkles while thinking, “What in the Dickens are you talking about?” but upon further review… This makes ABSOLUTE SENSE!!! It makes sense both literally and figuratively. Wanna know how? I’m glad you asked…

Literally- Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall each have their own distinct characteristics. Some people love the summer heat and during those months it’s almost impossible to rain on their parade because they’re in such a great mood. Then you have people, like some of my educator friends, who go through a bit of anxiety at the end of Summer because school is about to start and I’m sure that holds all kinds of emotions and thoughts. Some people love the Spring & Fall because there’s a balance in heat VS cool breeze. There’s more of a variety in what they can wear outside and the leaves and scenery just appear to be more colorful. And there are some wackos out there…. oops I mean, people out there who are in love with the snow and blistering cold weather (I guess you can tell which season I dislike the most lol). But a high point of the winter is that good ole cuffin’ lifestyle. You get to stay in and watch movies with hot drinks and warm food a nice pretty young lady wearing some stretch pants and your button down shirt who likes collar-bone kisses and she takes her hands and… I mean, I mean… ya know… Well, yeah that’s winter O_0 *Ahem, anyway….

Figuratively- People go through all types of seasons in their lives. You may go through a financial season in which you have more cash on hand than normal, and you feel good about that OR you might be struggling to make ends meet and the ends don’t seem like they want to meet… still and all that’s a season. A person might be going through an emotional season where they feel withdrawn from the world and maybe even from God. They may be battling depression or mood swings that aren’t the most pleasant. A person might be in the middle of a creative season where ideas are just flowing OR the opposite where they just can’t seem to come up with anything that works.

These are seasons of a person’s life that YOU need to be paying attention to when dating someone and BEFORE fully committing to them. It pains me to see how little people know about each other but call themselves in a relationship or engaged or even married!!! The feelings and emotions and whether or not they watch Basketball Wives with you and how much you like their dimples and whether or not they wear True Religions is all good but let’s smarten up. That first time a person says, “I love you” don’t be ashamed to (tastefully) ask them what their definition of love is. Joker, I need to know what you think love is before I just willingly accept it and progress with it. When a person is going through tough times watch how they respond to that adversity… Do they let you in? Do they share? Are they a total monster? Pay attention to all of that because you are not committing to just the good parts of a person. You’re committing to their totality of being. Welp, I just wanted to share a little Monday Mediation with my family… And I hope you share it with yours, I’m sure you know of somebody who can use this.

And I really want to congratulate my friend Mainee whose mouF this quote came from. She’s about to embark upon some new things and a new season in her life and I’m extremely happy for her…

Talk to me…

 

-Kel Spencer

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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Heauxs Be Winnin’

Posted: August 10, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Heaux (pronounced Hō)

I think I wanna be a Heaux…

Wait, before we get started…. I’m one of the few people who give out good, quality stuff FOR FREE… In return, do me the favor of Subscribing for FREE over there to the left, under “Keep In Touch…” We got a deal?? Good…

Now, where was I? Oh yes…. I wanna be a Heaux… Have you ever heard a female say that? I have. I just got off the phone with my homie Dee, and she shared a conversation with me that she had with one of her female friends. But as she told me about her friend saying, “I think I wanna be a Heaux ’cause them Heauxs be winnin!” A few real life scenarios popped into my head, For example:

The Sexy Scholar Scenario:

A female does what she’s supposed to do. She has a great personality, great smile, gets good grades. She graduates top of her class, makes it into law school, is captain of the fencing team, pledges AKA, and she… Oh, wait lemme be politically correct… *A-hem! She pledges AKA or DELTA or ZETA or S.G.Rho, she secures a job at a nice law firm, keeps her body up to par and eventually attracts what society would call “A GOOD MAN.” They get married, buy the dream home, have 2.4 children, a Benz, a truck, and a mini van and then she finds out that he’s sleeping with his receptionist who is a BIRD! Heauxs be winnin…

The High School Sweetheart Scenario…

He’s the captain of the basketball team, she’s the cheerleader. They’re voted class King & Queen. He’s also voted most likely to be the next Michael Jordan. He goes away to college on a basketball scholarship. She stays local at a community college to get her associates degree in basket weaving or knitting or whatever. He declares for the draft after his sophomore year of college and makes it to the NBA. He does right by the woman who has held him down all these years… His High School sweetheart… BUT! He also needs to let her know that he also has a daughter on the way by one of the “it just happened” basketball group-group girls who won the “get on your knees and pop it like it bubble” dance contest at one of the house parties. And that she’d be getting 17% of their income for the next 18-21 years… But will you still marry me? Heauxs be winnin…

The Twitter Getter…

He’s a hard-working, blue-collar entrepreneur kind of guy. She stays at home and holds the house down like a champion. The crib is spotless. The children are mannerly and well-groomed. His meal is always on the table when he gets home from the construction site. After dinner, he takes the laptop down to his man cave to smoke a cigar and hop on the internet. He logs into his facebook page, his myspace page, his Hi-5, page, his tagged account, his blackplanet page, AND his twitter account. He sees a tweet from this one sexy blogger that he follows and decides to go and see if she’s on facebook too for a more elaborate type of interaction because that 140 characters on twitter just ain’t gonna cut it! He finds her, sends a request and she instantly accepts. He sees her green light on, and says hello through the pop up chat and before long they’re talking. In the following weeks, he starts taking his dinner plate down to the man cave along with his lap top and  cigar and lotion *side eye. Now, these chats have gotten rather sexual, there have been picture exchanges and all of a sudden he has to now leave town on “business.” Wifey understands that his construction business is expanding so she packs his bag and wishes him well on his journey for him to come home with a new weird attitude, a paranoia, a burning sensation when he urinates, a new person prank calling their home, and the eventual admission that he spent about 4 stacks on a sensual weekend slip away with a facebook friend. Heauxs be winnin…

The Popular Loser

She never has to wait in line at the club. In fact, the bouncers come to the curb to open her cab door for her as she waltz’s past the regular peasants and walks through the velvet rope, past the coat check directly to the VIP section where her over priced glass bottles of fermented grapes await her. She’s the wifey of the most popular promoter in town who’s actually a loser. She flaunts her 3 karat engagement ring and loves how jealous the other females are of her. The one thing she hates is that he hardly ever spends that much time with her but she understands that he’s out there grinding. The night ends and he walks her to the taxi cab waiting out front where he tells her the usual… “Babe, I’ll be home in about an hour and a half, I just need to go back inside and finish up this money count.” And of course she believes him, smiles as he kisses her and she rides off. As time goes on, she then starts to notice that while she’s in VIP, the “lesser than” females are giving her cut eyes, and screw faces, and low-key taunting her but she has no idea why. It might have something to do with the fact that her boyfriend never goes back inside to do the count. He actually waits for her cab to hit the corner to slide off with one of these “lesser thans” for some Jovial Jumpoff! Wait ’til she hears what’s about to happen 1 month from now…. 4 months from now… AND 5 months from now… Yup, there are 3 “lesser thans” pregnant by her Popular Loser fiance. Well, at least 3 that we know of. Heauxs be winnin…

I sent out a tweet a couple of weeks ago stating, “If I was from another planet, and the show Basketball Wives was my first encounter with black women, I would never want to seriously date a black woman.” I don’t know all of their stories. I can point out what is and isn’t my type but I can’t exactly judge them either. But what I do know is… a “Heauxs be winnin…” type of smell comes from some of the women on that show and from situations like that #iFiTDontApplyLetiTFly. With that being said, I can understand the logic behind Dee’s friend saying what she said. It’s like the “good girls” get burned while the opportunistic girls get the reward. I won’t even get into how this dynamic is very similar for us men… I won’t even touch on that. But I remember when words like “groupie” and “prostitute” and “stripper” and “escort” would hold a negative stigma. It’s damn near the opposite these days.

Maybe it’s just me though…

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 3

Posted: August 4, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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And Again… I am NOT a relationship expert…

However, You already know about the 6th sense thingy… Especially if you’ve already read Sex Language Pt. 1  AND Sex Language Pt. 2. If you have, then you already know where this is going. If not, click and read Parts 1 and 2 and then join the rest of us as I try to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing.“

Translation- On most cases, something is bothering them and they either want you to be more compassionate in your asking to really have a conversation about it OR they want you to sit and think about what you might’ve done (or not done) in the last 24 hours that has them feeling in a way. If you figure out what it is, address it with an apology EVEN if you feel it’s a small thing in your mind. It may be huge to them so don’t minimize it if you find out what it is.

Scenario #2- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing… Why? What makes you ask?“

Translation- In most cases, nothing is really bothering them OR it may be something that isn’t related to the relationship. In that case, just back off because it might be your own guilty conscience OR if it’s something unrelated to the relationship, they’ll probably come around and talk about it later.

Scenario #3- A Female, outta the blue starts a sentence with the words, “Don’t you wanna…” OR “Don’t you feel like…“

Translation- This is what I feel like doing and I’d suggest that you feel like doing it too. Fellas, if it’s within reason, DO IT! A- You’ll probably end up somewhat enjoying it anyway. B- She’ll hold it against you if you don’t. C- It comes with being in a relationship. You have to do certain things that you don’t want to, so you might as well just do it.

Scenario #4- A male and female get into a dispute about… I don’t know… let’s say… Where to have dinner. And in that dispute, she randomly says something like, “I bet you if I was that little skinny girl from your job, you wouldn’t be arguing me down about where to have dinner.“

Translation- I don’t like her presence as it pertains to our relationship. A- I am very insecure and I would like for you to do something about making me feel secure with my space in your life as it compares to women like her OR B- I am a very secure woman but I just don’t like the way that you 2 interact and it needs to stop and it’s been bothering me for a while so I’m using a silly debate over which restaurant as a means to bring it up. Nevermind, where this came from or what this has to do with dinner, or the fact that you don’t even know which skinny girl I’m talking about… JUST FIX IT!

Scenario #5- The person you are with, either locks their phone or keeps it face down when you’re around.

Translation- I have some stuff going on in or through my phone that I don’t want you to know about. At that time, it’s on you to decide if you’re willing to put up with that or not. Technically (Unless you’re married) it’s THEIR PHONE and they don’t have to share anything with you. And if that’s the attitude that they have then you have to decide whether or not you want to deal with that. They may change… They may not change… That’s on you!

Scenario #6- A person says to the other, with a slight attitude, You always do such and such OR You never do such and such…

Translation- Whatever follows that “Always” or that “Never” needs to be paid attention to. Whether the person is accurate or not with what their saying is one thing. But the other thing is that, whatever they’re saying you always or never do, is starting to get on their nerves. You might’ve only done it 2 times but it’s obvious that a past relationship or maybe even they way they were brought up, has made them annoyed when it comes to this issues, whatever this issue may be. At the point in time, whatever is being said that’s always or never done. needs to be addressed in truth and at the root.

Scenario #7- The female wants the male to meet her father or uncle or brothers or some type of “Male Guardian” figure in her life.

Translation- She wants you, Bro! At least in most cases. With that being said, it’s up to you to either go forth since it’s obvious that she wants to walk in the direction of getting more serious OR It’s on you to find a way to distance yourself from that situation or at least slow things down a bit. And here’s a hint… It’s hard to slow things down a bit, if you want to keep exchanging bodily fluids with her.

Scenario #8- I’m just waiting on my soulmate…

Now, only the mature and truthful people will agree with this one…

Translation- I’ve arrived… Often times, people who say the above, feel like they have MOST of their stuff together and now it’s just a matter of time or spiritual intervention until their match comes along. I’m not saying that they think they’re perfect. But they have subscribed to the miraculous notion that God has chosen someone for them and that they are the person chosen in return and by some supernatural alignment, they will meet up with this person. You were blessed with a mind, common sense, experiences, intuition, wisdom, gut feelings, council, and a whole bunch of other stuff that can be used when making choices and decisions. For God to Bless you with all of these things AND THEN come and make a decision for you is a bit much don’t you think? In no way, do I want to push my spiritual beliefs on you but… Men and women have sex and release biological particles that join each other as a means to conceive a child. God interrupted that regular cycle for the sake of birthing Christ in what we call a miracle. The sea is a strong force of water that has waves and currents and all that jazz. God interrupted that regular flow for the sake of Moses parting the sea in what we call a miracle. I do believe that God can do all things. I also believe that some relationships may have an anointing while others may just be a wreck from the beginning. But to say that God has a person chosen for you is a but much… In the book that I read, Adam was the only person that God had someone chosen for and it never happened again. So if you are sitting around waiting for a miracle as it pertains to your relationship, I wish you well with that. I might be a bit presumptuous in saying this but… Don’t expect a person waiting on their soulmate to be the most proactive and rational person in a relationship.

Scenario #9- Person A has a habit of meeting Person B at the hang out spot rather than picking them up.

Translation- I enjoy your company for what it is but I’m not really that into you beyond that. It might get there later on but I see a reason to keep us from getting to a certain level of intimacy but I still enjoy doing whatever we do when we get together in person.

Scenario #10- Person A looks Person B in the eye and says, “I don’t want to be hurt.“

Translation- Be concerned. Why? Because most “normal” people don’t want to be hurt. People don’t walk around making it known that they don’t want to be shot. Nor do they walk around making it know that they don’t want to have a bird doo doo on their head. Why? Because it’s a given! So if a person has to go as far as actually saying it to you then A- They already see something in you that might hurt them OR B- They are that needy and frail that you will spend a more than normal amount of time and energy tending to their security. And that may not be a bad thing depending on what you’re into but just know that more times than not, that will be a part of your bond.

Well, since we’re talking about all this male/female interaction, check out my latest Single “Aspirations.” Some of you have probably already seen on a blog or two but this is the first installment of my next project called The Appetizer. Just look to your left and listen there.. And of course I’m always down for feedback…

Anyway,

I still need that feedback on what you just read, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)
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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Deal Breakers… WOW!

Posted: June 29, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Ok, I’m getting a little fed up…

Have you ever decided to buy a car? Or go to college? Or go shopping at a supermarket? Of course you have… When you look to get into any of these things, you create a list as a guideline for how to navigate the situation. With a car, you obviously want to stay under a certain price, you may have a choice of 2-3 colors, you want it to do well on gas, and have under a certain number of miles and so on… You don’t test drive the car and then decide to buy it based on how it made you feel while test driving it… Or do you? Same goes for choosing a college…. What’s the tuition, does it have my major, who far/close to home is it, etc… And in the supermarket, you look at what’s needed in your fridge and cabinets… You add on a few other things that you may have a taste for, you stay under a budget and you get it in. This basic approach some how, jumps out of the window when it comes to relationships. My homie Tionna Smalls is the Co-Star of What Chilli Wants on VH-1, I’m sure most of you are familiar. On this show, Chilli had a checklist of what she wanted and didn’t want in the men that Tionna was searching for on her behalf. Some people hated Chilli’s list. Some people loved it. My thing is, at least she had a list and knew what she wanted. That’s more than I can say for a lot of people. I recently put together a group of 18 friends, males and females ages 25-40 (varied backgrounds, ethnicities, and stages of life) and asked for their deal breakers. The following were the most popular ones. Tell me your thoughts after you’ve read them:

1- A relationship with God (A relationship with the same God as me)

2- Must have a High School Diploma and at least some college experience

3- Must have experience in a team sport or high level group activity

4- Cannot be a smoker or excessive drinker

5- Cannot have a sexual past that I can’t tolerate

6- Cannot have constant contact or be close friends with an Ex-Lover, Ex-Jumpoff or Ex-Anything

7- Must have a career or a job that is en route to a Goal.

8- Must have a basic understanding of the fundamentals that the opposite sex generally needs

9- If there are any binding agreements (other than a child, ie loan, co-sign, etc…) between you and an Ex, I need to see how it’s being managed and what steps are being taken to get out of that agreement.

10- Decent Credit Score

11- Physically Fit

12- Your own home or pretty damn close to getting up outta your mama’s garage

13- Driven and self motivated

14- A good conversationalist. There will come a time when we’re both wrinkled and gray and neither one of us look physically sexy to each other and all we’ll have is conversation, laughs, and memories. I need to know that you’ll be able to offer that.

15-  A good understanding of the Man/Logic & the Woman/Emotion dynamic.

16- A flexibility as it pertains to people in my family who you may not like or care for too much.

17- The knowledge that we were born as individuals. Therefore putting us together as a couple is not exactly natural so it will have a degree of difficulty but our ability to exceed that difficulty will determine how succesful we’ll be as a couple.

18- A high level respect for their parents… especially their opposite sex parent.

19- Security

I know a lot of people who have deal breakers… things they absolutely MUST HAVE or WILL NOT DEAL WITH and then end up getting in a problematic relationship totally ignoring the deal breakers. I also have seen people get into relationships with a person… The Perfect Dreamboat, who has all of the stuff they need, and then feel reluctant to go further. I actually have a scenario about DreamBoats in the video clip below…

Free Download of Dreamboat Feat. Quana -> HERE <-

Be clear, deal breakers are a matter of preference. They’re based on your own particular lifestyle. But are any of the above the same as your own? Would you add anything to the list? If so… start with the #20 and proceed….

Let’s have it…

 

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 2

Posted: June 22, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Again… I am NOT a relationship expert…

However, I think I’ve been blessed with a 6th sense in understanding how to speak womanese, and how to decode the communication matrix between men and women but I am by far no expert. If you’ve already read Sex Language Pt. 1 then you already know where this is going. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m the guy who most of my peoplez come to for answers. I’m in the process of talking with a few of your favorite magazines, radio stations and blogs to launch a syndicated Forum which will be entertaining, hilarious and informative all at the same time. It’ll allow people to share their real life stories and then I’ll answer in an “If it were me…” type fashion. But we’ll deal with that later on… FOR NOW!!!! I want to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1- Guy and Girl start talking online. They look through each other’s pics and like what they see (at least enough to continue talking). They, eventually get to the level of exchanging phone numbers and/or e-mails and/or blackberry pins etc… The female has over 30 pics of herself in her facebook albums that the gentleman has already seen yet he still sends her a text that reads… “Hey, send me a pic of yourself right now.” She replies with, “You’ve already seen me on facebook.” Let’s stop right here…

Translation- All of your pics on FB were from the shoulders up OR with you standing behind something OR they’re clearly from a few years ago because you’re backstage with Petey Pablo so… I need to know what you look like RIGHT NOW so if/when we meet in person, I’m not surprised by anything “extra” you might have going on.

 

Scenario #2- A Dude says, “I’m not looking for a relationship.“

Translation- He means it. I don’t care what his actions show you, or how he makes you feel, or what else he may or may not be saying, unless he says the words, “I wasn’t before but now I want to be in a relationship” He DOES NOT want to be in a relationship and/or have a title and/or be committed to any one individual.

 

Scenario #3- A Female says, “I’m not looking for a relationship.“

Translation- She’s lying. LoL! Ok, Ok… She might really mean that but 8.7 out of 10 times she doesn’t really mean that. Women know that men don’t want to have “commitment” talk on the first date so it’s smart for her to seem like she’s just window shopping and browsing so she doesn’t scare the fella off. If she’s in a transition in her life (ie career, school, major choices, just got out of a relationship, etc…) then she really might not be looking for a relationship right now but in MOST cases, when she says, “I’m not looking” she really is. Ladies, y’all can try to debate that all you want!

 

Scenario #4- Guy and Gal are out eating. The guy eats with his mouth open and/or smacks his gums when he eats. Female slaps him on the hand gently while smiling and says, “That food might escape while you’re chewing, you better close your mouth and make sure it doesn’t, Ha Ha Ha!“

Translation- If we do indeed get in a relationship, this WILL eventually be an argument. Get control over your table manners and your mouF mechanics NOW because no person who I call my man will behave in that manner. I’m being nice about it now, but I won’t forever.

 

Scenario #5- Do you think I look chubby in this? Or do you think I should wear the Red or the Blue shoes?

Ya know what… I’mma leave this one alone for right now…

 

Scenario #6- The guy tells the woman, “I Love You.“

Ok, this is an intricate one…

Translation- A- I know that telling you this is gonna make you eat it up and allow me to get something that I want OR B- I really do love you but loving you does not mean that I want to be with you.

Side Bar- In the Greek Language, there are different words for love. AGAPE- Is the type of love that God has for us and us for God. EROS- Is an erotic/sexual love that a man would have for his woman and vice versa. PHILIA or PHILEO- Is a friendship love or a Brotherly Love (Hence the city of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia). STORGE- Is an affectionate love like Eros but more along the lines of what a Parent has for their child. The Greek philosopher, Plato, even said that it is possible to love a person for who they are but without being physically attracted and that’s where we get the term, PLATOnic love.

With that being said, I might be at the point that I appreciate the person that you are so much, and care for you so much that I do love you and want to express it but due to the limits of the english language, I only have one word to use… and that word is LOVE. So when I say I love you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should think that I am now going to make attempts to be in a relationship with you. It doesn’t mean that you should run back to your girlfriends and blow up the situation into what you hope it means. Now, we can definitely have a conversation about what I mean when I say “I love you” but don’t assume.

 

Scenario #7- The female asks the male out a few times and he almost never accepts OR he’s always busy OR he never asks her out.

Translation- He just not that into you. Maybe he was at one point. Maybe he just liked the idea of you at one point in time but now he doesn’t. Maybe you ended up being something different from what he expected. Maybe he viewed you as just a jump off at one point and now he sees that you’re worth a lot more but he’s not ready for “a lot more” so he’s falling back. Maybe you are the jumpoff he expected you to be and you gave him a “Package” (<~ click for definition) already so he’s done here. Regardless of the reason, if he is not making it abundantly clear that you are a part of his priorities then it is what it is. Your optimism and fantasy and aggressiveness might end up being a turn off or annoying to him. *Jamaican accent… JUS LEFF IT NUH!

Scenario #8- A guy and a girl are dating. They go on maybe one or two dates. Somewhere in there she meets some of his friends and family and starts calling his male friends “Bro” and his female friends “Sis.” The guy then notices that she has befriended them all on Facebook and Twitter and asking for Blackberry Pins and all that jazz. And please know, that this can and does happen the other way around…

Translation- When a female does is too soon, she’s flat out making herself at home and for whatever reason, she feels like your relationship is headed in that direction. And if it doesn’t work out, at least she will have HIS family as part of her cheering squad OR… The chick is just flat out crazy. When a guy does this too soon, he most likely is trying to win some type of popularity contest as weird as that sounds. There’s a slim chance that he does want to be with you and he’s making himself at home but most likely, that’s not the case and is just feeding his desire to be liked by them all regardless of what happens between you and him.

 

Scenario #9- A “good morning” and/or “good night” text… on a consistent or semi consistent basis.

Translation- I’m definitely digging you. It may not be to the point of wanting to exchange bodily fluids but I’m feeling you.

 

Matter of fact…. I’ll do it.

Scenario #5- Do you think I look chubby in this? Or do you think I should wear the Red or the Blue shoes?

I’m not really going to give a “translation” per se’ but I will give my opinion on how to answer this.

Do not be BRUTALLY honest. Be honest but not brutally. If she’s asking this, it’s because A- She already knows she looks fat, so she doesn’t need you to confirm it OR B- She is on the fence about how she thinks she looks in that outfit and would like for you to provide the security and confidence that she might be missing. So gently steer her towards another suggestion. The way to do that “gently” depends on the woman so there’s no general way on how to do that but you can’t give your opinion without offering an attractive suggestion. I’d say to keep a mental picture of the 3 or 4 outfits that you love her in and when this type of thing comes up, you’ll already have a solid place to take the conversation. You can’t really lose by watching her look annoyed in the mirror… walking up behind her… touching her affectionately and cutting her off before she even asks a “fat” question with, “Babe, I think that outfit is cute but I really like the XYZ on you, it makes your skin tone look delicious” followed by acollar-bone kiss. Even if she doesn’t like your suggestion, more times than not it will take you away from the “fat” arena and towards another outfit. And after you dodge that bullet, you make your business sometime in the near future to somehow suggest working out, lol!

And as far as the shoes goes, If she asks Red or Blue and you suggest Blue, please know that she may still very well choose the Red ones. Know this in advance so you won’t even get annoyed by it. “Well, if you know you like the Red ones why ask for my opinion?” Is the question that will NOT get answered in a way that is satisfying to you so don’t even ask it, my brother. You’re just gonna have to swallow situations like this. The more you swallow them, the less they’ll bother you. And yes ladies… we know, we know… this can happen the other way around too, yes, we know. But typically, we know the way this type of scenario goes hence the analogy.

Scenario #10- Nah, I’ll stop here… I did my part. I always do my part… Do yours… It pains me that some of you still don’t have Salon Stories, on which I touch on topics like this in between the music, smh… DO THAT!!! Pick just one song or avail yourself to the whole album. You’ll be Blessed by it, Trust Me! It’s on itunes, or rhapsody OR have a hard copy with artwork and track listing and photos delivered to you via Amazon. It’s up to you.

Whether you do or don’t, I still need that feedback, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)
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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Booty Benefits Package

Posted: June 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

This… I repeat… THIS Will be the post that will make most of you mad at me. And guess what… I don’t care!!! Wanna know why? Because it is my job to tell you the truth. This will make the ladies angry for obvious reasons, and this will make some of the fellas angry because I’ll kinda sorta be giving a piece of “the game” away. But Oh Well! I’m tired of the foolery that I see going on around me. Most of it is childish and (with no disrespect to my non black supporters) this is the kind of stuff that is woven into the fabric of the Black Community and it’s not helping our declining family structure. If you don’t like the truth then this DEFINITELY is not the post you should read.  Ready? Let’s go…

#Scenario #1- If you had the opportunity to get a job… with a regular pay check… and a benefits package… and a company car… and a vacation every 6 months and you did NOT have to report to work everyday, or go to the meetings, would you take the job?!? Most of you would look at the opportunity a little funny at first because it would appear to good to be true but we’d all probably end up taking it or at least trying it out for a little while.

#Scenario #2- If you had the chance to have the perfect body for the rest of your life, with no work… no exercise… no dieting… no tanning… no grooming… Would you take it? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!

With that being said, If there is little to no requirement for us to commit to the work load, or commit to the time & energy part of it, BUT we still get to reap the benefits of a situation and take part in the Benefits Package, we’re going to do it!!! Let’s take it a step further… If I am a human being who enjoys company… good times… good food… sex… laughs… having things bought for me… etc… And I can get those things from a person without having to commit to them in a relationship, Most Human Beings are going to do it. Not all… But Most! SO! When you call my phone or send your e-mails to #KelzKitchen and ask things like, “Why won’t He/She commit?” or “I don’t know where it’s going, I mean they act like they’re my mate but they still want their freedom,” please don’t expect the angels to fall from the sky, and for Questlove and the Roots to start playing a Heavenly anthem, and for Bells & Whistles to sound off in the background of some miraculous answer. Your answer is VERY SIMPLE. When are they going to commit? Either A- When they feel like it or B- NEVER. You gave them the Benefits Package without requiring that they commit to the company. We’re supposed to be dating each other like -> THIS <- anyway! LoL! I think I’mma stop here for today. Y’all be good…

FYI- I’m Hosting #TheQuarterly THIS SATURDAY in NYC at Studio 21. SORRY LADIES… Female tickets are SOLD OUT! You know what that means, Fellas!! I have a 50% off code that gets you in for just $20 when you click the link to buy your tickets. The code is simple, it’s KEL SPENCER. This is where you want to be on Sat June 18th at Studio Twenty One. Ladies, Don’t Hate!! Share this w/your male friends! Ticket Link ~> http://newyorkcityquarterly.eventbrite.com/

Here’s what the last one looked like:

Oh, and tell your friends to stop snooping and waiting on you to forward these posts! Tell em to go ahead over there to the left and subscribe for themselves. This is good stuff that we get into over here on KelSpencer.com lol!!

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)
Join Me on Facebook & Youtube
 
God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 1

Posted: June 1, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I am NOT a relationship expert…

I think I’ve been blessed with a 6th sense in understanding how to speak womanese, and how to decode the communication matrix between men and women but I am by far no expert. I am, however, the guy who most of my peoplez come to for answers. Which is why I am in talks with a few of your favorite magazines, radio stations and blogs to launch a syndicated Forum which will be entertaining, hilarious and informative all at the same time. It’ll allow people to share their real life stories and then I’ll answer in an “If it were me…” type fashion. But we’ll deal with that later on… FOR NOW!!!! I want to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1: Guy and Girl have been talking for a while. There may or may not be an attraction there. He says, “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now,” and a few days later they have sex.

Translation: He still is NOT looking for a relationship. Unless something drastically changes and/or he actually asks you to be in a committed relationship, you have just potentially entered the “Jumpoff zone” aka the “Friends with Benefits Box.” If that’s fine with you, then stay. If that’s not cool, RUN!

(more…)

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