Posts Tagged ‘Truth’

#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 3

Posted: August 4, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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And Again… I am NOT a relationship expert…

However, You already know about the 6th sense thingy… Especially if you’ve already read Sex Language Pt. 1  AND Sex Language Pt. 2. If you have, then you already know where this is going. If not, click and read Parts 1 and 2 and then join the rest of us as I try to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing.“

Translation- On most cases, something is bothering them and they either want you to be more compassionate in your asking to really have a conversation about it OR they want you to sit and think about what you might’ve done (or not done) in the last 24 hours that has them feeling in a way. If you figure out what it is, address it with an apology EVEN if you feel it’s a small thing in your mind. It may be huge to them so don’t minimize it if you find out what it is.

Scenario #2- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing… Why? What makes you ask?“

Translation- In most cases, nothing is really bothering them OR it may be something that isn’t related to the relationship. In that case, just back off because it might be your own guilty conscience OR if it’s something unrelated to the relationship, they’ll probably come around and talk about it later.

Scenario #3- A Female, outta the blue starts a sentence with the words, “Don’t you wanna…” OR “Don’t you feel like…“

Translation- This is what I feel like doing and I’d suggest that you feel like doing it too. Fellas, if it’s within reason, DO IT! A- You’ll probably end up somewhat enjoying it anyway. B- She’ll hold it against you if you don’t. C- It comes with being in a relationship. You have to do certain things that you don’t want to, so you might as well just do it.

Scenario #4- A male and female get into a dispute about… I don’t know… let’s say… Where to have dinner. And in that dispute, she randomly says something like, “I bet you if I was that little skinny girl from your job, you wouldn’t be arguing me down about where to have dinner.“

Translation- I don’t like her presence as it pertains to our relationship. A- I am very insecure and I would like for you to do something about making me feel secure with my space in your life as it compares to women like her OR B- I am a very secure woman but I just don’t like the way that you 2 interact and it needs to stop and it’s been bothering me for a while so I’m using a silly debate over which restaurant as a means to bring it up. Nevermind, where this came from or what this has to do with dinner, or the fact that you don’t even know which skinny girl I’m talking about… JUST FIX IT!

Scenario #5- The person you are with, either locks their phone or keeps it face down when you’re around.

Translation- I have some stuff going on in or through my phone that I don’t want you to know about. At that time, it’s on you to decide if you’re willing to put up with that or not. Technically (Unless you’re married) it’s THEIR PHONE and they don’t have to share anything with you. And if that’s the attitude that they have then you have to decide whether or not you want to deal with that. They may change… They may not change… That’s on you!

Scenario #6- A person says to the other, with a slight attitude, You always do such and such OR You never do such and such…

Translation- Whatever follows that “Always” or that “Never” needs to be paid attention to. Whether the person is accurate or not with what their saying is one thing. But the other thing is that, whatever they’re saying you always or never do, is starting to get on their nerves. You might’ve only done it 2 times but it’s obvious that a past relationship or maybe even they way they were brought up, has made them annoyed when it comes to this issues, whatever this issue may be. At the point in time, whatever is being said that’s always or never done. needs to be addressed in truth and at the root.

Scenario #7- The female wants the male to meet her father or uncle or brothers or some type of “Male Guardian” figure in her life.

Translation- She wants you, Bro! At least in most cases. With that being said, it’s up to you to either go forth since it’s obvious that she wants to walk in the direction of getting more serious OR It’s on you to find a way to distance yourself from that situation or at least slow things down a bit. And here’s a hint… It’s hard to slow things down a bit, if you want to keep exchanging bodily fluids with her.

Scenario #8- I’m just waiting on my soulmate…

Now, only the mature and truthful people will agree with this one…

Translation- I’ve arrived… Often times, people who say the above, feel like they have MOST of their stuff together and now it’s just a matter of time or spiritual intervention until their match comes along. I’m not saying that they think they’re perfect. But they have subscribed to the miraculous notion that God has chosen someone for them and that they are the person chosen in return and by some supernatural alignment, they will meet up with this person. You were blessed with a mind, common sense, experiences, intuition, wisdom, gut feelings, council, and a whole bunch of other stuff that can be used when making choices and decisions. For God to Bless you with all of these things AND THEN come and make a decision for you is a bit much don’t you think? In no way, do I want to push my spiritual beliefs on you but… Men and women have sex and release biological particles that join each other as a means to conceive a child. God interrupted that regular cycle for the sake of birthing Christ in what we call a miracle. The sea is a strong force of water that has waves and currents and all that jazz. God interrupted that regular flow for the sake of Moses parting the sea in what we call a miracle. I do believe that God can do all things. I also believe that some relationships may have an anointing while others may just be a wreck from the beginning. But to say that God has a person chosen for you is a but much… In the book that I read, Adam was the only person that God had someone chosen for and it never happened again. So if you are sitting around waiting for a miracle as it pertains to your relationship, I wish you well with that. I might be a bit presumptuous in saying this but… Don’t expect a person waiting on their soulmate to be the most proactive and rational person in a relationship.

Scenario #9- Person A has a habit of meeting Person B at the hang out spot rather than picking them up.

Translation- I enjoy your company for what it is but I’m not really that into you beyond that. It might get there later on but I see a reason to keep us from getting to a certain level of intimacy but I still enjoy doing whatever we do when we get together in person.

Scenario #10- Person A looks Person B in the eye and says, “I don’t want to be hurt.“

Translation- Be concerned. Why? Because most “normal” people don’t want to be hurt. People don’t walk around making it known that they don’t want to be shot. Nor do they walk around making it know that they don’t want to have a bird doo doo on their head. Why? Because it’s a given! So if a person has to go as far as actually saying it to you then A- They already see something in you that might hurt them OR B- They are that needy and frail that you will spend a more than normal amount of time and energy tending to their security. And that may not be a bad thing depending on what you’re into but just know that more times than not, that will be a part of your bond.

Well, since we’re talking about all this male/female interaction, check out my latest Single “Aspirations.” Some of you have probably already seen on a blog or two but this is the first installment of my next project called The Appetizer. Just look to your left and listen there.. And of course I’m always down for feedback…

Anyway,

I still need that feedback on what you just read, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Friend VS Ex-Jumpoff

Posted: April 12, 2011 in I'm Saying. I just wanna know
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Pardon me for going on a “relationship rant” lately but for some reason, Relationship topics have been weighing heavy on me lately. Maybe my biological man-clock is ticking or something, I don’t know… Anyway, I want to address you with a topic that is always both simple and complex at the same time. I know people who believe that a man and a woman can be friends and only friends and I also know people who believe that it is 100% Impossible for a man and woman to be platonic friends. I want to discuss this…

I recently posted the following question, “Ladies, if your man’s female friend needed him to help her move or move some furniture or put up a shelf in her home, etc… How would you feel about that?” (April 7th, 7:35pm Fam Page / Regular Page) There were mixed responses but a nice amount of the answers lent themselves to women not trusting the friendship between their man and his female friend. Now, that trust could stem from the fact that he’d have to be alone with her at her home, or it might stem from feeling like his female friend crossed the line by even asking when she could’ve simply asked another single man in her life, or it might even stem from the fact that the girlfriend is insecure, I don’t know!

The following example might make your stomach turn but I have actually been to weddings where I’m in the audience, sitting next to an ex-girlfriend of the groom who is up at the altar getting married. The groom and this ex-girlfriend are such good friends and have been only friends for so long (10+ years) that the groom never even bothered to tell his fiance about their sexual past. I’m not saying whether I agree with that or not, I’m just sharing what I’ve seen. And making it known that he probably didn’t tell his fiance for fear of having to let loose a friendship that is valuable to him. Again, I’m not saying whether or not that’s right or wrong… AGAIN, I’M NOT SAYING WHETHER OR NOT THAT’S RIGHT OR WRONG.

I’ve also seen situations where a girl has a “brother” or a very close male friend, and most people wouldn’t know that at one point in time, they did the “Happy Horizontal” or shared an intimate kiss. I even know a few women who (after many years) call the guy who de-virginized them their “brother,” because now they are friends and friends only, and have no urge at all to be anything more than just friends. I’ve even seen situations where a man and woman have children, and one of the Godparents is an ex of one of the parents, without the other parent even knowing about their sexual past, Why? Because all they see is the current friendship and it appears to be a happy, non-intrusive relationship. AGAIN, I’M NOT SAYING WHETHER OR NOT THAT’S RIGHT OR WRONG.

Now, I have also seen situations where a man and woman may have had a sexual encounter or a sexual relationship in the distant past, and now they are just friends. And they actually choose to share that with whomever they’re currently in a relationship with just so that no secrets are kept. I have seen that as well. AGAIN, I’M NOT SAYING WHETHER OR NOT THAT’S RIGHT OR WRONG.. In your opinion, do men & women have the ability to be friends and friends only, or is it a guaranteed, automatic that something sexual will happen in time, if given the right space and opportunity?

Your thoughts?

 

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Eddie Long or Eddie Wrong?

Posted: September 27, 2010 in Just Sharing...
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Ok… So… Whenever something major goes down, people ask my thoughts. I’m not sure if they value my opinion, or they wanna laugh at me, lol!! But it always happens, none the less. I’ve received a total of 74 calls, e-mails, texts, tweets, etc… asking my opinion on the Eddie Long situation. Before I get into that, I want to make sure that all of you check out (and comment if you like) my last post entitled DO YOU DEVIL WORSHIP?

So now… I will start this by saying, I don’t know 100% of what happened and what’s been happening in this situation so to give a viewpoint without all of the facts, would be borderline ignorant. And as we all know, assumption is the lowest form of knowledge. HOWEVER!!!! I will point out things that seem to be common points to us all and then I’d like to know your thoughts.

As a heterosexual man, who cannot even fathom the idea of being intimate with another man, it is a natural reaction to vehemently and instantly defend yourself and deny any type of homosexual accusations. Maybe that’s just me but most dudes that I know, would react instantly to a serious accusation of homosexuality and/or child molestation. To take it a step further, if you’re in the public eye, that reaction to accusations would probably be heightened. Furthermore, as a man of God, I can’t see God or your fellow believers frowning upon you vehemently defending yourself against these accusations, especially if they’re not true. Unless you’re cursing up a storm or harming people in your defense, there really is nothing you can do wrong in defending your stance if the accusations are false. I do understand that being politically correct and following legal council is extremely important when you’re at a certain level of “celebrity” however, As a man… A heterosexual man… A married heterosexual man… A married heterosexual man who is disgusted by adult/child inappropriate dealings, A married heterosexual man who is disgusted by adult/child inappropriate dealings and leads a LARGE congregation, I can’t see me not denying and defending myself AGGRESSIVELY, PUBLICLY and INSTANTLY! Now, I know I have some legal and PR folks who read this blog and they might be screwing up their faces at what I just said… And maybe from a legal point, what I just said might be the worst thing I could possibly do… Maybe… or Maybe not.

So… I know how the media works. I know how editing works. I know how things can be slanted and manipulated to taint a person’s view. It even took me 20 minutes to choose the above picture of Eddie Long, as to not sway any of your views of him just by how he looks in the photo. I tried to pick as neutral of a photo as I could (Lemme know how I did, lol). I say that to say, I wasn’t in church in Atlanta yesterday when Eddie Long made his statements so I don’t know what he said in its entirety. But:

“I am not the man that has been portrayed on television,”

“I want you to know, as I said earlier, that I am not a perfect man. But this thing, I’m going to fight”

“I feel like David against Goliath, but I’ve got five rocks and I haven’t thrown one yet.”

“I’ve been accused, I’m under attack,”

“I am not going to try this case in the media. I will fight it in the court of justice.”…

Are some of the things he did say. His congregation seemed to be in full support. Watch Part1- HERE & Part2- HERE.

One person might say, “Ummm… But he never said he didn’t do it” OR “Why even mention that you’re not perfect, is that a way to save yourself for later, incase you’re found guilty?” OR “Why did it take you so long?” OR “Why not just show proof that these guys had their own hotel rooms when you traveled and you never shared rooms?” OR “Why do they have pictures of you in their phones?” OR “Bill Clinton was allowed to instantly and specifically say that he did not have sexual relations with Monica, (even though he was lying) what makes you any different?”

Another person might say, “It’s not the public’s business for him to say any of those things” OR “If he’s innocent, he doesn’t need to defend himself as vehemently as you would, Kel” OR “If his legal team knows what they’re doing then yes he should listen to them and do exactly what he did”

Regardless of what happened, or what happens… Eddie Long and the gentlemen who may or may not be involved, are ALL victims. I urge that you pray for them ALL. Not to get extra deep but when things like this happen, the flock need to be kept in mind. We live in a world where we all need something to believe in. If you choose to believe in Christ and you take on a man like Eddie Long as your spiritual father, or your pastor, or your favorite preacher to watch on TV, then you can potentially be affected by this situation. There is indeed an enemy out there and if he can use a situation like this, to get you to walk away from your belief, then he will. So like I said, whether Eddie Long did this or not, he is still a victim of attack and should be prayed for as his position is the hinge for the belief of thousands of other people. I would love to hear your thoughts… Oh, and please subscribe over on the side under “Keep In Touch.” I’d appreciate that. Thanks, Family…

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Lies, Lies, Lies??

Posted: July 14, 2010 in I'm Saying. I just wanna know
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What exactly is a lie?

A guy is on the phone with his girlfriend. While they’re on the phone his doorbell rings and it’s his pissed off Ex-girlfriend dropping off some his things that she found in storage. His now girlfriend naturally asks, “Who is that at your door, babe?” He replies with “Oh, it’s just one of my old friends.” Did he lie?

A female is sexually involved with a man. This man just happens to have a rather large ego. As a way to feed his ego and “please her man” she tells him that she his almost always sexually gratified when in actuality, she is hardly ever sexually satisfied but she loves him dearly and doesn’t really need to be pleased sexually as a means to be happy in a relationship. Yes she lied but was that wrong?

Some people say that a lie is whenever you’re being dishonest. Webster’s says that a lie is to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive or to create a false or misleading impression. Some people say “it depends.” What I want to know is, what exactly is a lie and is it ever ok to lie?

There are millions of children who believe in Santa Claus and a Tooth Fairy. Are we lying to them? And if so, are we wrong? So I ask you, have you ever been in any of these situations? And what would you say a lie is? And is it ever ok to lie or is it always wrong?

Talk to me, family…


-Kel Spencer

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God’s Favorite Emcee, Warrior Poet, Pen.Man, Satan Hater, Ice cream Lover, Quarterback of The Urban Experience & chicks dig me too…