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Posts Tagged ‘Sex’

#SPENCERISM- Heauxs Be Winnin’

Posted: August 10, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: #BBW, Angela Yee, Basketball Wives, Cheating, Groupie, Heaux, Ho, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Sex, Women

Heaux (pronounced Hō)

I think I wanna be a Heaux…

Wait, before we get started…. I’m one of the few people who give out good, quality stuff FOR FREE… In return, do me the favor of Subscribing for FREE over there to the left, under “Keep In Touch…” We got a deal?? Good…

Now, where was I? Oh yes…. I wanna be a Heaux… Have you ever heard a female say that? I have. I just got off the phone with my homie Dee, and she shared a conversation with me that she had with one of her female friends. But as she told me about her friend saying, “I think I wanna be a Heaux ’cause them Heauxs be winnin!” A few real life scenarios popped into my head, For example:

The Sexy Scholar Scenario:

A female does what she’s supposed to do. She has a great personality, great smile, gets good grades. She graduates top of her class, makes it into law school, is captain of the fencing team, pledges AKA, and she… Oh, wait lemme be politically correct… *A-hem! She pledges AKA or DELTA or ZETA or S.G.Rho, she secures a job at a nice law firm, keeps her body up to par and eventually attracts what society would call “A GOOD MAN.” They get married, buy the dream home, have 2.4 children, a Benz, a truck, and a mini van and then she finds out that he’s sleeping with his receptionist who is a BIRD! Heauxs be winnin…

The High School Sweetheart Scenario…

He’s the captain of the basketball team, she’s the cheerleader. They’re voted class King & Queen. He’s also voted most likely to be the next Michael Jordan. He goes away to college on a basketball scholarship. She stays local at a community college to get her associates degree in basket weaving or knitting or whatever. He declares for the draft after his sophomore year of college and makes it to the NBA. He does right by the woman who has held him down all these years… His High School sweetheart… BUT! He also needs to let her know that he also has a daughter on the way by one of the “it just happened” basketball group-group girls who won the “get on your knees and pop it like it bubble” dance contest at one of the house parties. And that she’d be getting 17% of their income for the next 18-21 years… But will you still marry me? Heauxs be winnin…

The Twitter Getter…

He’s a hard-working, blue-collar entrepreneur kind of guy. She stays at home and holds the house down like a champion. The crib is spotless. The children are mannerly and well-groomed. His meal is always on the table when he gets home from the construction site. After dinner, he takes the laptop down to his man cave to smoke a cigar and hop on the internet. He logs into his facebook page, his myspace page, his Hi-5, page, his tagged account, his blackplanet page, AND his twitter account. He sees a tweet from this one sexy blogger that he follows and decides to go and see if she’s on facebook too for a more elaborate type of interaction because that 140 characters on twitter just ain’t gonna cut it! He finds her, sends a request and she instantly accepts. He sees her green light on, and says hello through the pop up chat and before long they’re talking. In the following weeks, he starts taking his dinner plate down to the man cave along with his lap top and cigar and lotion *side eye. Now, these chats have gotten rather sexual, there have been picture exchanges and all of a sudden he has to now leave town on “business.” Wifey understands that his construction business is expanding so she packs his bag and wishes him well on his journey for him to come home with a new weird attitude, a paranoia, a burning sensation when he urinates, a new person prank calling their home, and the eventual admission that he spent about 4 stacks on a sensual weekend slip away with a facebook friend. Heauxs be winnin…

The Popular Loser

She never has to wait in line at the club. In fact, the bouncers come to the curb to open her cab door for her as she waltz’s past the regular peasants and walks through the velvet rope, past the coat check directly to the VIP section where her over priced glass bottles of fermented grapes await her. She’s the wifey of the most popular promoter in town who’s actually a loser. She flaunts her 3 karat engagement ring and loves how jealous the other females are of her. The one thing she hates is that he hardly ever spends that much time with her but she understands that he’s out there grinding. The night ends and he walks her to the taxi cab waiting out front where he tells her the usual… “Babe, I’ll be home in about an hour and a half, I just need to go back inside and finish up this money count.” And of course she believes him, smiles as he kisses her and she rides off. As time goes on, she then starts to notice that while she’s in VIP, the “lesser than” females are giving her cut eyes, and screw faces, and low-key taunting her but she has no idea why. It might have something to do with the fact that her boyfriend never goes back inside to do the count. He actually waits for her cab to hit the corner to slide off with one of these “lesser thans” for some Jovial Jumpoff! Wait ’til she hears what’s about to happen 1 month from now…. 4 months from now… AND 5 months from now… Yup, there are 3 “lesser thans” pregnant by her Popular Loser fiance. Well, at least 3 that we know of. Heauxs be winnin…

I sent out a tweet a couple of weeks ago stating, “If I was from another planet, and the show Basketball Wives was my first encounter with black women, I would never want to seriously date a black woman.” I don’t know all of their stories. I can point out what is and isn’t my type but I can’t exactly judge them either. But what I do know is… a “Heauxs be winnin…” type of smell comes from some of the women on that show and from situations like that #iFiTDontApplyLetiTFly. With that being said, I can understand the logic behind Dee’s friend saying what she said. It’s like the “good girls” get burned while the opportunistic girls get the reward. I won’t even get into how this dynamic is very similar for us men… I won’t even touch on that. But I remember when words like “groupie” and “prostitute” and “stripper” and “escort” would hold a negative stigma. It’s damn near the opposite these days.

Maybe it’s just me though…

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 3

Posted: August 4, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Communication, Lies, Men, Relationships, Sex, Truth, Women

And Again… I am NOT a relationship expert…

However, You already know about the 6th sense thingy… Especially if you’ve already read Sex Language Pt. 1 AND Sex Language Pt. 2. If you have, then you already know where this is going. If not, click and read Parts 1 and 2 and then join the rest of us as I try to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing.“

Translation- On most cases, something is bothering them and they either want you to be more compassionate in your asking to really have a conversation about it OR they want you to sit and think about what you might’ve done (or not done) in the last 24 hours that has them feeling in a way. If you figure out what it is, address it with an apology EVEN if you feel it’s a small thing in your mind. It may be huge to them so don’t minimize it if you find out what it is.

Scenario #2- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing… Why? What makes you ask?“

Translation- In most cases, nothing is really bothering them OR it may be something that isn’t related to the relationship. In that case, just back off because it might be your own guilty conscience OR if it’s something unrelated to the relationship, they’ll probably come around and talk about it later.

Scenario #3- A Female, outta the blue starts a sentence with the words, “Don’t you wanna…” OR “Don’t you feel like…“

Translation- This is what I feel like doing and I’d suggest that you feel like doing it too. Fellas, if it’s within reason, DO IT! A- You’ll probably end up somewhat enjoying it anyway. B- She’ll hold it against you if you don’t. C- It comes with being in a relationship. You have to do certain things that you don’t want to, so you might as well just do it.

Scenario #4- A male and female get into a dispute about… I don’t know… let’s say… Where to have dinner. And in that dispute, she randomly says something like, “I bet you if I was that little skinny girl from your job, you wouldn’t be arguing me down about where to have dinner.“

Translation- I don’t like her presence as it pertains to our relationship. A- I am very insecure and I would like for you to do something about making me feel secure with my space in your life as it compares to women like her OR B- I am a very secure woman but I just don’t like the way that you 2 interact and it needs to stop and it’s been bothering me for a while so I’m using a silly debate over which restaurant as a means to bring it up. Nevermind, where this came from or what this has to do with dinner, or the fact that you don’t even know which skinny girl I’m talking about… JUST FIX IT!

Scenario #5- The person you are with, either locks their phone or keeps it face down when you’re around.

Translation- I have some stuff going on in or through my phone that I don’t want you to know about. At that time, it’s on you to decide if you’re willing to put up with that or not. Technically (Unless you’re married) it’s THEIR PHONE and they don’t have to share anything with you. And if that’s the attitude that they have then you have to decide whether or not you want to deal with that. They may change… They may not change… That’s on you!

Scenario #6- A person says to the other, with a slight attitude, You always do such and such OR You never do such and such…

Translation- Whatever follows that “Always” or that “Never” needs to be paid attention to. Whether the person is accurate or not with what their saying is one thing. But the other thing is that, whatever they’re saying you always or never do, is starting to get on their nerves. You might’ve only done it 2 times but it’s obvious that a past relationship or maybe even they way they were brought up, has made them annoyed when it comes to this issues, whatever this issue may be. At the point in time, whatever is being said that’s always or never done. needs to be addressed in truth and at the root.

Scenario #7- The female wants the male to meet her father or uncle or brothers or some type of “Male Guardian” figure in her life.

Translation- She wants you, Bro! At least in most cases. With that being said, it’s up to you to either go forth since it’s obvious that she wants to walk in the direction of getting more serious OR It’s on you to find a way to distance yourself from that situation or at least slow things down a bit. And here’s a hint… It’s hard to slow things down a bit, if you want to keep exchanging bodily fluids with her.

Scenario #8- I’m just waiting on my soulmate…

Now, only the mature and truthful people will agree with this one…

Translation- I’ve arrived… Often times, people who say the above, feel like they have MOST of their stuff together and now it’s just a matter of time or spiritual intervention until their match comes along. I’m not saying that they think they’re perfect. But they have subscribed to the miraculous notion that God has chosen someone for them and that they are the person chosen in return and by some supernatural alignment, they will meet up with this person. You were blessed with a mind, common sense, experiences, intuition, wisdom, gut feelings, council, and a whole bunch of other stuff that can be used when making choices and decisions. For God to Bless you with all of these things AND THEN come and make a decision for you is a bit much don’t you think? In no way, do I want to push my spiritual beliefs on you but… Men and women have sex and release biological particles that join each other as a means to conceive a child. God interrupted that regular cycle for the sake of birthing Christ in what we call a miracle. The sea is a strong force of water that has waves and currents and all that jazz. God interrupted that regular flow for the sake of Moses parting the sea in what we call a miracle. I do believe that God can do all things. I also believe that some relationships may have an anointing while others may just be a wreck from the beginning. But to say that God has a person chosen for you is a but much… In the book that I read, Adam was the only person that God had someone chosen for and it never happened again. So if you are sitting around waiting for a miracle as it pertains to your relationship, I wish you well with that. I might be a bit presumptuous in saying this but… Don’t expect a person waiting on their soulmate to be the most proactive and rational person in a relationship.

Scenario #9- Person A has a habit of meeting Person B at the hang out spot rather than picking them up.

Translation- I enjoy your company for what it is but I’m not really that into you beyond that. It might get there later on but I see a reason to keep us from getting to a certain level of intimacy but I still enjoy doing whatever we do when we get together in person.

Scenario #10- Person A looks Person B in the eye and says, “I don’t want to be hurt.“

Translation- Be concerned. Why? Because most “normal” people don’t want to be hurt. People don’t walk around making it known that they don’t want to be shot. Nor do they walk around making it know that they don’t want to have a bird doo doo on their head. Why? Because it’s a given! So if a person has to go as far as actually saying it to you then A- They already see something in you that might hurt them OR B- They are that needy and frail that you will spend a more than normal amount of time and energy tending to their security. And that may not be a bad thing depending on what you’re into but just know that more times than not, that will be a part of your bond.

Well, since we’re talking about all this male/female interaction, check out my latest Single “Aspirations.” Some of you have probably already seen on a blog or two but this is the first installment of my next project called The Appetizer. Just look to your left and listen there.. And of course I’m always down for feedback…

Anyway,

I still need that feedback on what you just read, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Deal Breakers… WOW!

Posted: June 29, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: Checklist, Deal Breakers, Kel Spencer, Men, Relationships, Sex, Tionna Smalls, TLC, Vh1, What Chilli Wants, Women

Ok, I’m getting a little fed up…

Have you ever decided to buy a car? Or go to college? Or go shopping at a supermarket? Of course you have… When you look to get into any of these things, you create a list as a guideline for how to navigate the situation. With a car, you obviously want to stay under a certain price, you may have a choice of 2-3 colors, you want it to do well on gas, and have under a certain number of miles and so on… You don’t test drive the car and then decide to buy it based on how it made you feel while test driving it… Or do you? Same goes for choosing a college…. What’s the tuition, does it have my major, who far/close to home is it, etc… And in the supermarket, you look at what’s needed in your fridge and cabinets… You add on a few other things that you may have a taste for, you stay under a budget and you get it in. This basic approach some how, jumps out of the window when it comes to relationships. My homie Tionna Smalls is the Co-Star of What Chilli Wants on VH-1, I’m sure most of you are familiar. On this show, Chilli had a checklist of what she wanted and didn’t want in the men that Tionna was searching for on her behalf. Some people hated Chilli’s list. Some people loved it. My thing is, at least she had a list and knew what she wanted. That’s more than I can say for a lot of people. I recently put together a group of 18 friends, males and females ages 25-40 (varied backgrounds, ethnicities, and stages of life) and asked for their deal breakers. The following were the most popular ones. Tell me your thoughts after you’ve read them:

1- A relationship with God (A relationship with the same God as me)

2- Must have a High School Diploma and at least some college experience

3- Must have experience in a team sport or high level group activity

4- Cannot be a smoker or excessive drinker

5- Cannot have a sexual past that I can’t tolerate

6- Cannot have constant contact or be close friends with an Ex-Lover, Ex-Jumpoff or Ex-Anything

7- Must have a career or a job that is en route to a Goal.

8- Must have a basic understanding of the fundamentals that the opposite sex generally needs

9- If there are any binding agreements (other than a child, ie loan, co-sign, etc…) between you and an Ex, I need to see how it’s being managed and what steps are being taken to get out of that agreement.

10- Decent Credit Score

11- Physically Fit

12- Your own home or pretty damn close to getting up outta your mama’s garage

13- Driven and self motivated

14- A good conversationalist. There will come a time when we’re both wrinkled and gray and neither one of us look physically sexy to each other and all we’ll have is conversation, laughs, and memories. I need to know that you’ll be able to offer that.

15- A good understanding of the Man/Logic & the Woman/Emotion dynamic.

16- A flexibility as it pertains to people in my family who you may not like or care for too much.

17- The knowledge that we were born as individuals. Therefore putting us together as a couple is not exactly natural so it will have a degree of difficulty but our ability to exceed that difficulty will determine how succesful we’ll be as a couple.

18- A high level respect for their parents… especially their opposite sex parent.

19- Security

I know a lot of people who have deal breakers… things they absolutely MUST HAVE or WILL NOT DEAL WITH and then end up getting in a problematic relationship totally ignoring the deal breakers. I also have seen people get into relationships with a person… The Perfect Dreamboat, who has all of the stuff they need, and then feel reluctant to go further. I actually have a scenario about DreamBoats in the video clip below…

Free Download of Dreamboat Feat. Quana -> HERE <-

Be clear, deal breakers are a matter of preference. They’re based on your own particular lifestyle. But are any of the above the same as your own? Would you add anything to the list? If so… start with the #20 and proceed….

Let’s have it…

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 2

Posted: June 22, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Communication, Kel Spencer, Men, Peace, Relationships, Salon Stories, Sex, Womanese, Women

Again… I am NOT a relationship expert…

However, I think I’ve been blessed with a 6th sense in understanding how to speak womanese, and how to decode the communication matrix between men and women but I am by far no expert. If you’ve already read Sex Language Pt. 1 then you already know where this is going. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m the guy who most of my peoplez come to for answers. I’m in the process of talking with a few of your favorite magazines, radio stations and blogs to launch a syndicated Forum which will be entertaining, hilarious and informative all at the same time. It’ll allow people to share their real life stories and then I’ll answer in an “If it were me…” type fashion. But we’ll deal with that later on… FOR NOW!!!! I want to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1- Guy and Girl start talking online. They look through each other’s pics and like what they see (at least enough to continue talking). They, eventually get to the level of exchanging phone numbers and/or e-mails and/or blackberry pins etc… The female has over 30 pics of herself in her facebook albums that the gentleman has already seen yet he still sends her a text that reads… “Hey, send me a pic of yourself right now.” She replies with, “You’ve already seen me on facebook.” Let’s stop right here…

Translation- All of your pics on FB were from the shoulders up OR with you standing behind something OR they’re clearly from a few years ago because you’re backstage with Petey Pablo so… I need to know what you look like RIGHT NOW so if/when we meet in person, I’m not surprised by anything “extra” you might have going on.

Scenario #2- A Dude says, “I’m not looking for a relationship.“

Translation- He means it. I don’t care what his actions show you, or how he makes you feel, or what else he may or may not be saying, unless he says the words, “I wasn’t before but now I want to be in a relationship” He DOES NOT want to be in a relationship and/or have a title and/or be committed to any one individual.

Scenario #3- A Female says, “I’m not looking for a relationship.“

Translation- She’s lying. LoL! Ok, Ok… She might really mean that but 8.7 out of 10 times she doesn’t really mean that. Women know that men don’t want to have “commitment” talk on the first date so it’s smart for her to seem like she’s just window shopping and browsing so she doesn’t scare the fella off. If she’s in a transition in her life (ie career, school, major choices, just got out of a relationship, etc…) then she really might not be looking for a relationship right now but in MOST cases, when she says, “I’m not looking” she really is. Ladies, y’all can try to debate that all you want!

Scenario #4- Guy and Gal are out eating. The guy eats with his mouth open and/or smacks his gums when he eats. Female slaps him on the hand gently while smiling and says, “That food might escape while you’re chewing, you better close your mouth and make sure it doesn’t, Ha Ha Ha!“

Translation- If we do indeed get in a relationship, this WILL eventually be an argument. Get control over your table manners and your mouF mechanics NOW because no person who I call my man will behave in that manner. I’m being nice about it now, but I won’t forever.

Scenario #5- Do you think I look chubby in this? Or do you think I should wear the Red or the Blue shoes?

Ya know what… I’mma leave this one alone for right now…

Scenario #6- The guy tells the woman, “I Love You.“

Ok, this is an intricate one…

Translation- A- I know that telling you this is gonna make you eat it up and allow me to get something that I want OR B- I really do love you but loving you does not mean that I want to be with you.

Side Bar- In the Greek Language, there are different words for love. AGAPE- Is the type of love that God has for us and us for God. EROS- Is an erotic/sexual love that a man would have for his woman and vice versa. PHILIA or PHILEO- Is a friendship love or a Brotherly Love (Hence the city of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia). STORGE- Is an affectionate love like Eros but more along the lines of what a Parent has for their child. The Greek philosopher, Plato, even said that it is possible to love a person for who they are but without being physically attracted and that’s where we get the term, PLATOnic love.

With that being said, I might be at the point that I appreciate the person that you are so much, and care for you so much that I do love you and want to express it but due to the limits of the english language, I only have one word to use… and that word is LOVE. So when I say I love you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should think that I am now going to make attempts to be in a relationship with you. It doesn’t mean that you should run back to your girlfriends and blow up the situation into what you hope it means. Now, we can definitely have a conversation about what I mean when I say “I love you” but don’t assume.

Scenario #7- The female asks the male out a few times and he almost never accepts OR he’s always busy OR he never asks her out.

Translation- He just not that into you. Maybe he was at one point. Maybe he just liked the idea of you at one point in time but now he doesn’t. Maybe you ended up being something different from what he expected. Maybe he viewed you as just a jump off at one point and now he sees that you’re worth a lot more but he’s not ready for “a lot more” so he’s falling back. Maybe you are the jumpoff he expected you to be and you gave him a “Package” (<~ click for definition) already so he’s done here. Regardless of the reason, if he is not making it abundantly clear that you are a part of his priorities then it is what it is. Your optimism and fantasy and aggressiveness might end up being a turn off or annoying to him. *Jamaican accent… JUS LEFF IT NUH!

Scenario #8- A guy and a girl are dating. They go on maybe one or two dates. Somewhere in there she meets some of his friends and family and starts calling his male friends “Bro” and his female friends “Sis.” The guy then notices that she has befriended them all on Facebook and Twitter and asking for Blackberry Pins and all that jazz. And please know, that this can and does happen the other way around…

Translation- When a female does is too soon, she’s flat out making herself at home and for whatever reason, she feels like your relationship is headed in that direction. And if it doesn’t work out, at least she will have HIS family as part of her cheering squad OR… The chick is just flat out crazy. When a guy does this too soon, he most likely is trying to win some type of popularity contest as weird as that sounds. There’s a slim chance that he does want to be with you and he’s making himself at home but most likely, that’s not the case and is just feeding his desire to be liked by them all regardless of what happens between you and him.

Scenario #9- A “good morning” and/or “good night” text… on a consistent or semi consistent basis.

Translation- I’m definitely digging you. It may not be to the point of wanting to exchange bodily fluids but I’m feeling you.

Matter of fact…. I’ll do it.

Scenario #5- Do you think I look chubby in this? Or do you think I should wear the Red or the Blue shoes?

I’m not really going to give a “translation” per se’ but I will give my opinion on how to answer this.

Do not be BRUTALLY honest. Be honest but not brutally. If she’s asking this, it’s because A- She already knows she looks fat, so she doesn’t need you to confirm it OR B- She is on the fence about how she thinks she looks in that outfit and would like for you to provide the security and confidence that she might be missing. So gently steer her towards another suggestion. The way to do that “gently” depends on the woman so there’s no general way on how to do that but you can’t give your opinion without offering an attractive suggestion. I’d say to keep a mental picture of the 3 or 4 outfits that you love her in and when this type of thing comes up, you’ll already have a solid place to take the conversation. You can’t really lose by watching her look annoyed in the mirror… walking up behind her… touching her affectionately and cutting her off before she even asks a “fat” question with, “Babe, I think that outfit is cute but I really like the XYZ on you, it makes your skin tone look delicious” followed by acollar-bone kiss. Even if she doesn’t like your suggestion, more times than not it will take you away from the “fat” arena and towards another outfit. And after you dodge that bullet, you make your business sometime in the near future to somehow suggest working out, lol!

And as far as the shoes goes, If she asks Red or Blue and you suggest Blue, please know that she may still very well choose the Red ones. Know this in advance so you won’t even get annoyed by it. “Well, if you know you like the Red ones why ask for my opinion?” Is the question that will NOT get answered in a way that is satisfying to you so don’t even ask it, my brother. You’re just gonna have to swallow situations like this. The more you swallow them, the less they’ll bother you. And yes ladies… we know, we know… this can happen the other way around too, yes, we know. But typically, we know the way this type of scenario goes hence the analogy.

Scenario #10- Nah, I’ll stop here… I did my part. I always do my part… Do yours… It pains me that some of you still don’t have Salon Stories, on which I touch on topics like this in between the music, smh… DO THAT!!! Pick just one song or avail yourself to the whole album. You’ll be Blessed by it, Trust Me! It’s on itunes, or rhapsody OR have a hard copy with artwork and track listing and photos delivered to you via Amazon. It’s up to you.

Whether you do or don’t, I still need that feedback, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Booty Benefits Package

Posted: June 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: Benefits, Commitment, Kel Spencer, Kelz Kitchen, Lies, Men, Paul Carrick Brunson, Relationships, Sex, Studio 21, The Quarterly, Women

This… I repeat… THIS Will be the post that will make most of you mad at me. And guess what… I don’t care!!! Wanna know why? Because it is my job to tell you the truth. This will make the ladies angry for obvious reasons, and this will make some of the fellas angry because I’ll kinda sorta be giving a piece of “the game” away. But Oh Well! I’m tired of the foolery that I see going on around me. Most of it is childish and (with no disrespect to my non black supporters) this is the kind of stuff that is woven into the fabric of the Black Community and it’s not helping our declining family structure. If you don’t like the truth then this DEFINITELY is not the post you should read. Ready? Let’s go…

#Scenario #1- If you had the opportunity to get a job… with a regular pay check… and a benefits package… and a company car… and a vacation every 6 months and you did NOT have to report to work everyday, or go to the meetings, would you take the job?!? Most of you would look at the opportunity a little funny at first because it would appear to good to be true but we’d all probably end up taking it or at least trying it out for a little while.

#Scenario #2- If you had the chance to have the perfect body for the rest of your life, with no work… no exercise… no dieting… no tanning… no grooming… Would you take it? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!

With that being said, If there is little to no requirement for us to commit to the work load, or commit to the time & energy part of it, BUT we still get to reap the benefits of a situation and take part in the Benefits Package, we’re going to do it!!! Let’s take it a step further… If I am a human being who enjoys company… good times… good food… sex… laughs… having things bought for me… etc… And I can get those things from a person without having to commit to them in a relationship, Most Human Beings are going to do it. Not all… But Most! SO! When you call my phone or send your e-mails to #KelzKitchen and ask things like, “Why won’t He/She commit?” or “I don’t know where it’s going, I mean they act like they’re my mate but they still want their freedom,” please don’t expect the angels to fall from the sky, and for Questlove and the Roots to start playing a Heavenly anthem, and for Bells & Whistles to sound off in the background of some miraculous answer. Your answer is VERY SIMPLE. When are they going to commit? Either A- When they feel like it or B- NEVER. You gave them the Benefits Package without requiring that they commit to the company. We’re supposed to be dating each other like -> THIS <- anyway! LoL! I think I’mma stop here for today. Y’all be good…

FYI- I’m Hosting #TheQuarterly THIS SATURDAY in NYC at Studio 21. SORRY LADIES… Female tickets are SOLD OUT! You know what that means, Fellas!! I have a 50% off code that gets you in for just $20 when you click the link to buy your tickets. The code is simple, it’s KEL SPENCER. This is where you want to be on Sat June 18th at Studio Twenty One. Ladies, Don’t Hate!! Share this w/your male friends! Ticket Link ~>
http://newyorkcityquarterly.eventbrite.com/

Here’s what the last one looked like:

Oh, and tell your friends to stop snooping and waiting on you to forward these posts! Tell em to go ahead over there to the left and subscribe for themselves. This is good stuff that we get into over here on KelSpencer.com lol!!

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Mr. Cee & Eddie Long

Posted: June 8, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: Apologize, Apology, Church, Eddie Long, Hot 97, I'm Sorry, Law, Leader, Leadership, Love, Man Up, Men, Mr. Cee, Oral Sex, Rape, Sex

I wasn’t there…

You weren’t there…

I don’t know if Eddie Long was sexually involved with those young men. I don’t know if Mr. Cee was involved in fellatio with a man in a car. I don’t know if any of this stuff is true… But it sure does look like that stuff is true. (FYI- I’ve seen fellatio spelled about 6 different ways, *scratches head) Anyway… I’m not pleading guilty or giving up $15 million dollars for an act that I’m not guilty of. But maybe there’s some other stuff involved, that none of us know about, that caused these innocent men to partake of post violation steps that only guilty people typically partake of…

I know adults… Not children, but adults who are bothered by having to say the words, “I’m Sorry.” I know adults whose lips you will NEVER hear the words, “I was wrong” come from. I have no children of my own but based on what I’ve seen of the Parent/Child dynamic, the most important words you can teach your child are Yes, No, Please, Thank You and I’M SORRY. Yes & No are the foundation for all of our choices. Please & Thank You are the foundation for our compassion and how we interact. I’m Sorry is the foundation for humility and character, to a degree. If you teach these words to your child and have them use them properly, you are on your way to raising a decent human being. It bothers me that there are ADULTS… People OVER THE AGE OF 21 who do not know how to use these words properly and it’s a direct reflection of who they are. I have held doors for adults and have had to sarcastically say, “Ummm… You’re Welcome” just to get a thank you out of them. I have held debates/disagreements with people whose version of, “I was wrong. I apologize. How can we fix this?” is more like, “Ok, so it happened, you want me to go back in time and make it right?” I have dealt with people who cannot keep their word because they have a difficult time even telling themselves NO! What is wrong with us?!?!?!

“But, Kel… I came to this post thinking I was going to read some juicy details about Mr. Cee & Eddie Long. I thought I was going to hear some low down dirt. What’s Yes, Please, and I’m Sorry have to do with these guys?” I’m glad you asked. As I stated earlier, I don’t know if these men are innocent or guilty but A- Because it looks like it… B- Because you are taking steps in the direction of admitting guilt… C- Because you have a public platform and a following, I think you owe some type of conversation to that following. Maybe not Mr. Cee but definitely Mr. Long. I am in no position to judge anyone… Which is why I’m not judging… I’m corrected and we all need correcting from our neighbors at times. There are times when I post something and some of you correct me below in your comments. I don’t take that as judgement. I take it as correction… Healthy & Mature correction. So allow me to correctly correct… If you were unable to properly use the words “Yes & No” as it pertains to your own desires (which we’re all guilty of in some shape or form) you should at least have the decency to properly use the words “I’m Sorry” OR bring clarity to those who have no clarity on the issue. The same clarity that is used in showing people why they should follow you… Why they should support you… Why they should partake of your movement (often paying money to do so) should be the same clarity given to these people in admitting your mistake (which we’ve all made) and assuring them that you will change… OR that you won’t change if that’s the case lol!

We never needed to know that Magic Johnson contracted HIV. We never needed to know that. But this man stood in front of cameras and admitted that he had extramarital relationships… that he had them without use of sexual protection… and that he was sorry and ashamed of it. Despite how disgusting you may think his actions were… Despite how immoral you may think his actions were… There is no way to not respect his admission of guilt and willingness to do better. That’s the way my father raised me to deal with error. It just pains me to see men in prominent positions, Not only making the mistakes that we’re making but also not dealing with them properly once they’ve been made. It makes me question the model of manhood that’s out there. I think Mr. Cee is talented and a pillar of Hip Hop. I think the same for Eddie Long as it pertains to the Christian Faith. I wish both of these men, nothing but the best as it pertains to their futures and I hope they never have to go through (nor put anyone through) anything like this ever again. They are my brothers. By brothers… and myself included, I say this out of love… We Must Do Better. I’m spent. Tell me if I’m buggin out…

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 1

Posted: June 1, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Communication, Def Poetry, Drama, Kel Spencer, Kelz Kitchen, Language, Men, Questions, Relationships, Salon Stories, Sex, Shanelle Gabriel, Women

I am NOT a relationship expert…

I think I’ve been blessed with a 6th sense in understanding how to speak womanese, and how to decode the communication matrix between men and women but I am by far no expert. I am, however, the guy who most of my peoplez come to for answers. Which is why I am in talks with a few of your favorite magazines, radio stations and blogs to launch a syndicated Forum which will be entertaining, hilarious and informative all at the same time. It’ll allow people to share their real life stories and then I’ll answer in an “If it were me…” type fashion. But we’ll deal with that later on… FOR NOW!!!! I want to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1: Guy and Girl have been talking for a while. There may or may not be an attraction there. He says, “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now,” and a few days later they have sex.

Translation: He still is NOT looking for a relationship. Unless something drastically changes and/or he actually asks you to be in a committed relationship, you have just potentially entered the “Jumpoff zone” aka the “Friends with Benefits Box.” If that’s fine with you, then stay. If that’s not cool, RUN!

(more…)

#SPENCERISM- Pray for #TeamCancun

Posted: May 25, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Alcohol, America, Beach, Border, Cancun, Drugs, Family, Friends, Homeland, Hotel, Kidnap, Mexico, Party, Pray, Prayer, Ransom, Sex, STD's, STI's, Vacation

If you’re like me, you have droves of friends and family headed out to Cancun this week for the homie, O International’s, Annual Cancun Jumpoff. If you’re like me, you have friends who have been shopping, and saving money, and working out, getting themselves prepared for this annual event!

I never push my spiritual beliefs on anyone but I just want all of us to pray for our loved ones (and ourselves for whom it applies) while they’re out there. Let’s ask that it be a joyous event, full of fun, and great weather, and good times. It’s unfortunate, that because of the size of my network, I hear some of the not so fortunate stories of what happens at these events. Pregnancies that lead to abortions and/or fatherless children, contracted STD’s and STI’s, hospitalizations, injuries stemming from drunkery and being under the influence, rape, and a few other things. Fortunately, the Good & Happy stories out weigh the not so good stories by a landslide but I would love it of the not so good stories didn’t even occur.

Speaking of my network, I happen to know a few Mexicans. Some of whom do not necessarily have the most “positive and law abiding” past. They have mentioned Mexican plans and plots to kidnap Americans in exchange for ransom and due to an underlying bitterness towards America and our border policies that are not in favor of Mexicans. Again, some of you may only think of Cancun as it pertains to the Fun & Sun, and that’s the way that we all like to imagine it… That’s the way that we’d all hope vacations turn out. But the reality of it is, there are always things lurking, and always blind spots in our vision, especially when Fun & Sun is all that we’re thinking about.

So again, if you would be so kind, please send up a prayer to the Sky Chief asking that our friends (and ourselves for those of us who are going) be covered, protected, and Blessed with wisdom in their decision making while they have fun and get a chance to get away from the everyday hustle. I’d appreciate that…

Just thinking about some of the things out there that are against us, makes me think of a track that I did called “Just Wanna Be Heard” Featuring Masta Ace & Flo Blitz. It’s on The Spencer Code Mixtape. Feel free to download it for FREE ~> HERE <~ And of course, I’d love to hear your feedback….

Oh, and are y’all sharing these with your peeps and asking them to subscribe? If not, let’s get that poppin!! Thanks, Family…

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Penis & Panty Protection

Posted: May 19, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Battle, Family, Friends, Men, One Night Stand, Panty, Penis, relationship, Sex, Sexual, Sexual Purity, Shannon Etheridge, Stephen Arterburn, Women

Am I the only one who has been in the situation, where you think to yourself, “Man if only I didn’t sleep with such and such, they would make a great partner for my best friend who’s single“? OR “I have a friend who’s really a good person and I want to introduce them to so snd so because I think they’d make a good match but I already smashed so & so, therefore that’s a no go“? Am I the only one? Man oh man, I’m glad God found me, I was the worst, smh…

Anyway, I think that we should start promoting the Penis & Panty Protection Plan! “What’s that,” you say? I’m glad you asked… That’s when we look at a person that we have the opportunity to sleep with, who is a great person but we just know that we’re never going to be a couple, so we decline doing the Happy Horizontal with them. Woah Woah!!! Now, I know some of you just can’t turn down sex… And I understand but hear me out…

Ideally, it would be great if we all just stuck with God’s standard for sex and we practiced sexual purity (which I’ll touch on later) but since some of you are not quite there yet, the least you can do is look out for your friends and family. There are millions… literally MILLIONS of people walking around wishing that they had a good person in their life to possibly be in a relationship with. And I know for a fact, just from what I see in my own circle, that a lot more introductions and “hook ups” could be made if some of those one night stands and quick Cancun jumpoffs (no pun intended) didn’t happen lol. Most of you reading this can think of a person (or people) who you’ve slept with, knowing good and well that you would never be a couple, who now would make a great partner for one of your single friends/family members. But because that person knows where your birthmark is OR where that mole with the hair coming out is on your body OR how flexible you are, you wouldn’t feel right trying to hook them up with your peeps! But if you had the Penis & Panty Protection Plan in place, then who knows, maybe your friend/family member might be on their way to Happily Ever After!

Of course this is easier said than done because most people are horn dogs, I get it lol. But it is a thought! And for those of you who are trying to take some of the steps that I personally have taken, in trying to clean up your sex life and calm down, and get a hold of yourselves lol, I’d suggest 2 books. The book for the fellas is called EVERY MAN’S BATTLE By Stephen Arterburn. And if you’re not married yet try EVERY SINGLE MAN’S BATTLE. I actually own both as well as the work book…

NO WAY am I perfect but it’s an everyday process (with slips and falls at times) that I’m involved in and trust me, I am a looooooong way from the times when I need to be applying the Penis & Panty Protection Plan, lol!! And for the ladies, your book is EVERY (SINGLE) WOMAN’S BATTLE By Stephen Arterburn & Shannon Etheridge.

So, again! If you’re trying to clean up your act, then you have your start up tools but if you still wanna be out there just slinging that thing away, at least be mindful of your friends and family in who you select to slang and bang with, ya know?

I did a track called “Adam’s Rib/Look Atcha” that I think sets the tone for this type of post. It’s actually the song that we cut away to in the middle of the Uggs To Hugs Video. Listen to a FREE snippet of “Adams’s Rib/Look Atcha” on itunes, or rhapsody. If you wanna spend a WHOPPING .99 to buy it, please feel free. You can even avail yourself to the Entire Project via download OR have a hard copy with artwork and tracklisting and photos delivered to you via Amazon. It’s up to you.

Whether you do or don’t, I still need that feedback, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

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