Relationships | KELEIDOSCOPE

Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

#SPENCERISM- Bromance?!?

Posted: October 17, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Appreciation, Bromance, Communication, Husband, Men, Relationships, Wife, Women

Yeah, at first glance it kinda weirded me out a little bit too… No, but try this… As my song ASPIRATIONS is playing and the line “I wanna be your boyfriend” comes up, look hard and straight at the picture above, Bwuahahaha!! Ok, Ok…

Ok, so this is NOT a post about homosexuality or bi-sexuality or tri-sexuality or even my-sexuality, it’s about this new phenomenon called “BROMANCE.” Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a new topic but the intensity of it is rising at a rate that I don’t think any of us are realizing. Allow me to set the scene… It’s 10pm, on a Wednesday evening. There’s a group of guys at the bar after work and they’re having drinks, smoking cigars and watching the game. There’s 3 seconds left in the game, the score is tied and just before the buzzer, their team hits the game winning shot. They all stand to their feet, jumping up and down, hugging, and hi-fiving. At that point, the bartender lets them know that its last call and it’s almost time to close up shop. One guy does a light jog over to the coat rack, grabs his coat, gives the guys all hugs and handshakes and makes it known that he has to head home to his wife. The rest of the guys do the same thing though not quite as urgently. Then there’s that last guy who basically does not want to go home to his wife. He practically cries at the thought of having to walk through his front door and be greeted by his wife… Wanna know why? It’s because of a simple word… APPRECIATION.

Now, the word APPRECIATION is similar to the word RESPECT. They are both things that people should both give and get automatically (at a basic level) but your performance determines how much RESPECT and APPRECIATION people will continue to give you and show you. The problem is… Too many men aren’t real men which is why they often don’t get the respect and appreciation they feel that they deserve. But on the flip side, a lot of men… (I’ve been in this boat myself) go above and beyond in their relationships yet still don’t get the appreciation that they’d like in return. Uh Oh… wait, here goes the ladies thinking, “Well it’s the same way the other way around, Kel!” And this is indeed true but we’re talking about Bromance right now so back off, sister!

Like I was saying, Men gravitate towards where we feel appreciated. For example, a prostitute, stripper, mistress, and maybe even that woman down at the gym with the skimpy outfit, all visually and often verbally (Compliments, Flirting. etc…) show your man that they appreciate him. Granted, they may not be genuine with it but it sure feels like it! Maybe even more than you do… So he gravitates towards them. Your husband doesn’t want to throw away that old football jersey or his trophies that have been in the garage collecting dust, why? Because those are symbols of appreciation. He wore that jersey while a crowd was screaming his name. He received those trophies as a result of his athletic efforts being recognized.

If a man is worthy of respect and appreciation and his woman is not supplying him with it, he will seek that appreciation elsewhere and often in a group setting with his buddies… BROMANCE! Furthermore, the increase in Independent Women can cause an increase in overlooking how much your man needs to feel appreciated. Just keep this stuff in mind.

So, if you happen to know a man who is heavily involved in John Madden marathons with his boys and/or extra hours at the gym taking back to back zumba classes, don’t be so quick to question his sexuality. He just might be an immature weed-smoking video game nut with a kinky spandex fetish… That’s possible. But he also might be screaming for the attention that his woman isn’t giving him so he resorts to…

Think about it… Oh, and fellas don’t think that if you don’t appreciate her she can’t get that elsewhere either, playa!!! Please feel free to share…

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

#SPENCERISM- Are Men Jerks?

Posted: October 5, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: Communication, Insensitive, Kel Spencer, Men, Relationships, Sensitivity, Women

So here’s how the text went… Keep in mind, these 2 people are attracted to each other but not in a relationship, have never done anything sexual. They talk on the phone and laugh and text each other pictures and poke on facebook and that kinda thing;

9:22pm Her: Hey you… Watcha doing?

9:23pm Him: Watching the game.

9:25pm Her: I’m missing it. What’s the score?

9:25pm Him: 16-7 Ravens up.

9:29pm Her: What Quarter?

9:30pm Him: You’re killing me… 2nd Quarter just started.

9:30pm Her: Oh hush. Never freaking mind then.

9:31pm Him: I know. How inconsiderate of me. What was I thinking? My apologies.

9:35pm Her: I don’t need sarcasm.

9:36pm Him: Well you don’t like honesty so I figured I’d try something else. FYI Me saying “Watching The Game” is where you respond with “Oh ok, Should I let you go?” That way, the person has the option to go back to doing what they were doing or continue texting you. Just a ‘people’ tip.

9:46pm Her: I would never say that if someone tells me they’re watching the game because I watch football too. I was just interested in an update since I’m at work. So excuse me mister! Sorry for keeping it going without your permission.

9:47pm Him: No worries. Apology accepted.

9:49pm Her: That, my dear, was sarcasm.

9:51pm Him: I know. And this, my dear, is you continuing to text. So after 30 minutes it’s obvious that you don’t care that I’m watching the game and you just want what you want.

10:04pm Her: I’m pissed off that you’re actually trying to scold me. I’ll know next time not to choose you to text during my first break of the day.

Who messed that up? Was the guy being mean? Because you and I both know that’s what she feels. Was he being insensitive? Or was he being honest they way women always ask for? Ya know, “I want a man to keep it real with me.” Where did this go wrong? Or was it no one’s fault and just a clear case of inadvertent miscommunication? Which one?

Here’s another;

Her: I just don’t get you.

Him: What do you mean?

Her: It’s hard to figure you out.

Him: Well, don’t try.

Her: Well excuse me!

Him: I just think that a relationship should be built as a mutually enjoyable evolving experience, not someone treating the other like a mystery or some code that needs to be cracked. All you need to “figure out” will be figured out as we grow together.

Her: Whatever

She doesn’t like what was said to her. Was he being insensitive and callous? Was he being mean and showing no compassion? Or was he being honest and forthright? Or again… Was this just a simple misfire in communication?

Here’s one more;

Her: I’m hungry babe. Let’s grab a bite to eat.

Him: Cool, what do you have a taste for?

Her: I don’t know something quick.

Him: Well, there are all the fast food restaurants nearby from McDonald’s to Burger King to Wendy’s and even a Checkers.

Her: Nah, I don’t want fast food.

Him: Hmmm… How about Subway or Quiznos? That’s not as fast as fast food but still fast.

Her: Nah, I just had a sandwich yesterday.

Him: Well, what about Golden Crust or Boston Market?

Her: Nah, that’s a little too heavy.

Him: (Slightly annoyed) Well, I’m down for any one of those, you let me know what you want.

Her: What’s with the attitude?

We know where this one is headed. Who messed up?? Or maybe no one did.

You may or may not remember, I posted 2 blogs that touched on this topic in a similar way. One was called Spoiled Bratz and the other was called Vagina 8.0. All I’m asking is, how do we make this right?!?!?

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

#SPENCERISM- I Just Wanna Know Pt.1

Posted: September 29, 2011 in I'm Saying. I just wanna know
Tags: Cheating, Hall Pass Tour, Homosexual, Husband, Kel Spencer, Maury Povich, Pedophiles, Relationships, Relatives, Wife

Aight, so I always give you my opinion on certain stuffz, and things that are goinz on so now let’s do it in reverse….

I have my own opinion on these things but I’d like to hear yours. Most of you who subscribe to this blog are rather intelligent and I’m sure that I could learn something from a few of you so, I’ll ask you a question and then you give me your view-point, Deal? Deal…

Scenario #1- You go out to a restaurant. You see your best friend who has been married for about a year, out at this same restaurant. You were in their wedding. You gave a speech at the reception. You think that their spouse is a great match for them. Your best friend is sitting in a booth in the corner of the restaurant, hugged up with someone else. The best friend sees you… OR Let’s say they DON’T see you… What do you do? SHOOT!

Scenario #2- So… I’m on the train yesterday and there are these 2 guys sitting next to each other. They’re dressed pretty decent… pretty clean. A lady walked by with a nice shape and one of them looked at her just as long as I did. He then turned and looked at me with the “Wow, she’s friggin hot isn’t she?” look on his face and I nodded in agreement. A few stops later the other gentlemen reaches down to pick up his bag off the floor as this was his stop coming up and as he grabs his bag, he turns to the one who was admiring the woman with me and plants a 2-3 second tongue kiss on his lips. If my (future) child is with me and asks me about that, how does a person explain this in a non offensive and politically correct way? SHOOT!

Scenario #3- You are friends with a couple who is expecting. The entire time that you’ve known them, you’ve campaigned and made it known that when they have a child, You want to be the God-parent. Time goes on and you now have reason to believe that the male in this relationship may not be the actual father (In my Maury voice). You don’t have hard-core proof but certain things are being said by certain people and there is some doubt. This couple honors your wishes and asks you to be the God parent of this expected child. What do you say? SHOOT!

Scenario #4- Your family member wants to buy a car. You introduce them to someone who can make it happen. That person finds your family member the car they like at a discounted price of $5,000 instead of $7,000. They meet up and your family member only has $2,500 but agrees to pay the rest within a week. The dealer agrees to do so ONLY because this family member is YOUR family member. 2 days later the car is feeling a little “funny” and making noises so your family member feels that they shouldn’t have to pay the remaining balance since, in their eyes, the car isn’t running as well as they thought, but they want to keep the car. The dealer wants their money OR the car back and they are both running to you to play the referee since you put it all together. What do you do to help the situation? SHOOT!

Scenario #5- You’re out on a date with your significant other. They’re phone rings and it’s from a non-recognizable number. They answer and it’s obvious that they don’t know who it is. The person is making your mate play the “guess who it is” game and judging by your mate’s face and body language they’re both trying to figure it out AND getting a little fidgety and nervous. They start speaking in a bit of short-hand english with a bunch of “Mmm Hmms” and “Nuh Uhs” and “Yups” and then they end the call with “Yeah, erase. Yeah” When they hang up, they instantly start talking about something way left. Do you ask anything about it? Do you chalk it up as an awkward moment that they really had no control over since they weren’t the one who initiated the call so that can happen to anyone? What do you do? SHOOT!

Scenario #6- You meet someone who is in the same line of work as you. They are further along in that industry, more well-connected, and more established. You speak pretty often for about 2 weeks and then you both finally hang out. When you hang out, you make it known to them that you are interested in getting further in your career and you’d like their help with that. After that hangout, their contact with you decreases drastically. You see them a few months later at an event in which you are attending with people who this person would love to be in the company of. They run up on you with open arms and smiles and a desire to hang out again and the whole deal. What do you do? SHOOT!

Lucky Scenario #7- You hate pedophiles. They make your skin crawl. You feel like they should be jailed under the jail that’s under the jail. This is how you feel about them. Reason being, you were sexually abused as a child. You eventually vent to one of your older relatives about how you feel about them and how you feel about who abused you and how you feel about the entire situation. You confide in this relative because they love you, they’ve always been good to you, they’ve always been there for you and you know that their wisdom and older perspective is and always will be beneficial when you come to them for advice or to vent… You then find out that this relative is also guilty of indecent child sexual acts from 40-50 years ago. What do you do? SHOOT!

I just felt like engaging you all a little bit. I hope you don’t mind… Speaking of engaging, a good friend of mine, Holley Monelle, has a dope program that I know you all can enjoy. Check out this link for The Hall Pass Tour and if it’s your cup of tea, handle your handle or at least share it with some folks. But I’d love to see some of your feedback on today’s post…

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

#SPENCERISM- My Top 3, Top 3′s

Posted: September 26, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Facebook, Gas Prices, Government, GPS, Ignorance, Kel Spencer, Money, Myspace, Relationships, Social Networking, Tagged, TIVO, Twitter

I see a lot of stuff going on in a lot of different areas so I just wanted to share and learn

you a few random tid bits, right quick lol…

Top 3 hints that your new love interest may not have the level of class that you want:

1- They pronounce quesadilla as kwesadila.

2- They look at the bill in the restaurant and say “Wait, I didn’t even order no gratuties. What them thangs taste like?“

3- They own TIVO just for Maury and Maury only.

Top 3 not so obvious things to be concerned about when dating someone new:

1- They NEVER even bring up you coming to their house and won’t say why.

2- Whenever you call, they’re ALWAYS able to talk and are NEVER tied up or need to call you back.

3- They start asking to exchange Blackberry pins and twitter follows with your friends & family during their FIRST encounter.

Top 3 societal things to be mindful of:

1- GPS; The GPS companies, the gas companies, and your local government are in bed with each other. If you’ve noticed, when you type in asking for directions, the route either takes you a longer way than you really need to go OR it demands that you go through some type of toll. GPS companies have probably agreed to this in return for getting a cut of some of the extra money that we will now be paying in gas (for driving longer distances given by GPS) or tolls (for GPS suggesting that we go through them when often it isn’t needed).

2- Social Networking; Jobs and potential employers are now looking at your tweets, status messages, photos, and even what types of things you “like” and/or retweet before hiring you. Why? Because what you’re willing to co-sign and share in public, says a lot about you. If you’re “liking” and retweeting all of the posts about “Freaky Deaky Kitchen Table Sex” and you have photos with a stripper named Tarzan holding you up in the air drinking a shot from a glass held by one of your orifices, on your 30th birthday, that just might hurt your chances for that new baby sitter job you just applied for. Or not…

3- Roses are red but violets are not blue… They’re violet.

Just a little something to get your week started! Be Blessed, Family! Oh, and I’ll be writing for a blog that deals with the mind and perspective of Single Black Men and my first post will be my “Top 5, Top 5′s” and trust me, you won’t want to miss that. I’ll keep you posted though….

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

#SPENCERISM- She’s A Murderer

Posted: September 19, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Cheating, Children, Dating, Family, Infidelity, Marriage, Men, Morals, Relationships, Salon Stories, Vows, Women

I woke up this morning to learn that she killed her child. She shot her child. She literally killed her own child. I was shocked on the phone. What a way to start the week…

She says that she was stressed out. She says that the pressure of her situation was too much to take and that’s why she did it. She says, “All I ever wanted was love and to be in a peaceful place. But instead all I get is pain and pressure and hurt and torment and that’s why I did it!“

I know that as you read this, you have a picture in your mind of the type of woman who would do something like this. In your mind she might be asian or white or black or petite or husky or maybe look crazy or have a mild manner about her. Well, let me add to the news that I received and that might help you to fill in the colors and shades of the outline that you’re creating in your mind. The child was only 7 months old….

And not 7 months old the way that you’re thinking. What I mean is… She was 7 months pregnant.

She was married once before. She got a divorce because she learned that her husband was cheating on her. She moved past the hurt and humiliation of that relationship and eventually re-married. Her second husband cheated on her as well. She’s living everyday life with a budding life inside of her, swollen ankles, emotional waves, hormonal instability, but also hope, joy and optimism, while her spouse and “better half” is violating their vows… For a second time in her life. “All I ever wanted was love and to be in a peaceful place. But instead all I get is pain and pressure and hurt and torment and that’s why I did it!” As last week ended, so did her life and the life of her unborn child. She shot herself in the head. Maybe HE’s the murderer.

Cheating… I don’t even know where to start. Is the person we’re with not enough? Sex, on average, only lasts what…. 25-35 minutes? If that! Are the sneaky phone calls & text messages, and private Facebook messages and secretive meet-ups, and gas money to meet up and money spent on hotel rooms and/or meals and/or movie tickets, and time/effort/energy put into all of this really worth that half hour of lust just for you to like them less right after you get your rocks off anyway? Is it worth it? And trust me, I’m not acting holier than thou because I am guilty of cheating too! Most of us have done it, but why?!? Do we not have self-control? Do we not have an internal police and moral compass? Is respect for our relationship really that low that cheating is damn near a societal norm? What is really wrong with us?!?!?

And let’s not even get into marriage. That makes it even worse and more disgusting. I know that women cheat but this is really aimed at the men. We all really need to look at what cheating is and does. There is an unspoken agreement of terms when you get into a relationship. It is assumed that those terms will be acted out for the sake of building the relationship to a healthy place. When those terms are not upheld and even violated it makes no sense to even be in that relationship! I mean, like let’s really look at this from a logical standpoint. Why agree to commit to a person that you’re not going to commit to?!? JUST STAY SINGLE! I know I’m just venting but let’s really take a look at ourselves and the relationships around us. RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALL WE HAVE!!!! Everything on this planet, is catalyzed by way of relationship. Nothing can get done or achieved in isolation. No growth can occur in solitary confinement. All we have is relationships. And the male/female sexual dynamic is what populates the human race. It’s what keeps life going. You get a stigma when you’re a crackhead or a child-rapist or even a thief but not for being a cheater… Why can’t we do it the right way?!?

Much love to Lisa, My prayers are with you and your circle. And C. Tucker, I’m sure this struck a chord with you also. I love you both dearly and I’ll continue to stand in the gap for any hurt or discomfort that may be there. Praise God…

Reminds me, I did a track called “Know The Truth” that I know is appropriate for this post. Listen to a FREE snippet of it on itunes, or rhapsody. If you wanna spend a WHOPPING .99 to buy it, please feel free. You can even avail yourself to the Entire Salon Stories Project via download OR have a hard copy with artwork and track listing and photos delivered to you via Amazon. It’s up to you.

Let’s all get it together y’all. We all need to step it up and get this thing under wraps.

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

#SPENCERISM- My Heart Surgery

Posted: September 14, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Divorce, Family, Kel Spencer, Marriage, Relationships

Slowdown… Cool your jets. It’s not what you’re thinking. But it is a simple yet complex procedure…

What they do is… They place the heart into a regular, consistent, stable condition. They allow the heart to grow and maintain a routine heart rate along with being fed a certain amount of oxygen and nutrients over time. Just when the heart is in a rhythmic pattern and is “used to” it’s stable condition, they then shock the heart by removing all of the nutrients and heart-food that it’s used to, causing the heart to go into a arrest and to stand alone in a stupor… almost abandoned and desolate while still be attached to the body. They pretty much remove my heart without removing my heart, if that makes any sense. The process can take months or years but it’s the shock that is the most jarring and significant part of the process. Some of you may have undergone this procedure. Some of you may be putting someone through this procedure without even knowing it. Some of you may know good and well that you’re putting someone through this procedure and not even care. The procedure is called… Kid-Kardio-Post-Divorce-Trauma.

Have you ever pulled the nipple from a baby’s mouth in the middle of them eating, and then fiddled with the nipple on their lips as a joke? Of course they try their best to move their mouth towards the nipple in every direction that you move it but in a few seconds, they start to cry out of frustration…

Or what about when you pull up the weeds in your backyard. You pull at the heads of the weeds, only to learn that they are strongly connected to the roots underground. You then bend lower and lower and pull harder and harder to uproot and disconnect the plant from its root until they are completely severed…

Oh, wait! What about when you are told that it’s time for you to transfer to a new department on your job or that it’s time to relocate OR that you’re fired! Remember how that felt? Remember what it was like to be removed from a situation that you were used to? From a situation that you’ve come to know… From a situation that fed you, and allowed you to form a bond and even an identity alongside only to have it removed from you, and you removed from it in shock?

That’s what happens to children as a result of divorce… or break up or split or any other synonym of said notion. It tears children apart. It tore me apart… and my parents got divorced when I was 21!!! We need to pay better attention, people. We need to pay more attention to A- The people we choose to enter relationships with and B- The relationship itself once it’s established. I can’t judge anyone who has had a major break up with children involved, I’m not perfect. Besides, I don’t have even time nor energy to do God’s job. But what I can do is point out the fact that each of us can name at least 3 people we know who are in relationships that are destined for disaster. Some of these relationships may have children involved and some may not but it’s just unfortunate that the effect that these breakups have on children is never really addressed.

Drugs, Alcohol, Rape, Physical Disabilities, Gambling, Sex Addictions, etc… All have rehab and treatment centers. I have yet to see a place to go that can help a person deal with having their roots ripped from them or how to deal with being fired from a position through no fault of their own. I’mma keep it all the way tall with you, I’ve dealt with identity issues, insecurity, anger, depression and a few other things as a result of my parents’ divorce and this is all as an adult! I couldn’t fathom having to deal with that as a child. And some may say, “Well, at least you had the experience of having 2 parents. I never knew my dad or I never knew my parents at all.” And that may be true for you in your situation but I can only live what I know firsthand. And in my experience personally, along with what I see going on in relationships around me and even in the media, we all need to take a better look at what both dating and marriage are supposed to mean.

Dating is not just a phase of feelings. It’s not “New Coochie” time. It’s supposed to be that time where you’re making an honest effort to match that person up with the person who you’ve come to know in yourself. Matching and lining each other up should be a brutally honest process over time while also enjoying each other’s company and feeling all the butterflies and such. By the time marriage or moving in together or having children comes into the picture, the question should be asked, “Can I love this person in Spirit, Body, and in Truth and take them just the way they are for the rest of my life?” If that answer is “No” or “I’m not sure” then some changes need to be made in that relationship. “But KS, I’ve seen relationships where the other person just flipped and turned into a totally different person.” In most cases that is false. If you were paying enough of the right type of attention, rather than being caught up in the drawz, you’d be able to see the seeds of what type of fruit they might eventually blossom into. And in the rare cases where they did totally flip, perhaps it’s you that’s a contributing to factor to this change in them. “But KS, He cheated on me” or “I refuse to give my life to a person who is beating on me.” Well it’s pretty obvious that I’m not talking about those types of situations. I’m talking about the I’m just not feeling this relationship anymore type of situations.

I know I’m venting but I woke up this morning a little frustrated and even angry at some of the choices that I’ve made. Why? Because these choices have affected my current lifestyle and these choices were rooted in where I was mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and even creatively and socially, a few years ago as a result of a divorce. Of course I can’t blame the divorce, I can only blame myself because ultimately I made those choices.

But I urge you all, if you or someone you know is going through a major breakup, especially if there are children involved, pray HARD for them and if they give you some space to speak into their situation, pray WITH them and suggest that they seek a preventative measure that might save their relationship. Children need families. Families need families. Our world needs families. I want adults to make sure that their relationship mistakes and oversights don’t become the cause of children having to endure the results. I just want to minimize the possibility of anyone else having to have the same heart surgery that I had. It’s not fun.

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

#SPENCERISM- Summer’s Over

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Attitudes, Communication, Dating, Fall, Men, Mood, Relationships, Seasons, Spring, Summer, Winter, Women

Yup, it’s pretty much over…

Start pulling the sweaters and track jackets out. You might be able to get away with shorts and long sleeves for a couple more weeks but it’s pretty much a wrap. It was Hot, It was Fun, It was Quick (#Pause)… and now it’s over. Isn’t it amazing how the changing of a season… which we all knew would come, because it happens every year, can change your mood? Or your attitude? Or even things we think about? Pretty interesting stuff… And that is exactly why I want to focus on one of the most profound statements that I’ve heard in a long time. The statement came from a very good friend of mine and it goes like this:

“I cannot seriously commit to a person until I’ve dated them in each of the seasons.”

Now I must admit, upon hearing this, I initially had the forehead wrinkles while thinking, “What in the Dickens are you talking about?” but upon further review… This makes ABSOLUTE SENSE!!! It makes sense both literally and figuratively. Wanna know how? I’m glad you asked…

Literally- Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall each have their own distinct characteristics. Some people love the summer heat and during those months it’s almost impossible to rain on their parade because they’re in such a great mood. Then you have people, like some of my educator friends, who go through a bit of anxiety at the end of Summer because school is about to start and I’m sure that holds all kinds of emotions and thoughts. Some people love the Spring & Fall because there’s a balance in heat VS cool breeze. There’s more of a variety in what they can wear outside and the leaves and scenery just appear to be more colorful. And there are some wackos out there…. oops I mean, people out there who are in love with the snow and blistering cold weather (I guess you can tell which season I dislike the most lol). But a high point of the winter is that good ole cuffin’ lifestyle. You get to stay in and watch movies with hot drinks and warm food a nice pretty young lady wearing some stretch pants and your button down shirt who likes collar-bone kisses and she takes her hands and… I mean, I mean… ya know… Well, yeah that’s winter O_0 *Ahem, anyway….

Figuratively- People go through all types of seasons in their lives. You may go through a financial season in which you have more cash on hand than normal, and you feel good about that OR you might be struggling to make ends meet and the ends don’t seem like they want to meet… still and all that’s a season. A person might be going through an emotional season where they feel withdrawn from the world and maybe even from God. They may be battling depression or mood swings that aren’t the most pleasant. A person might be in the middle of a creative season where ideas are just flowing OR the opposite where they just can’t seem to come up with anything that works.

These are seasons of a person’s life that YOU need to be paying attention to when dating someone and BEFORE fully committing to them. It pains me to see how little people know about each other but call themselves in a relationship or engaged or even married!!! The feelings and emotions and whether or not they watch Basketball Wives with you and how much you like their dimples and whether or not they wear True Religions is all good but let’s smarten up. That first time a person says, “I love you” don’t be ashamed to (tastefully) ask them what their definition of love is. Joker, I need to know what you think love is before I just willingly accept it and progress with it. When a person is going through tough times watch how they respond to that adversity… Do they let you in? Do they share? Are they a total monster? Pay attention to all of that because you are not committing to just the good parts of a person. You’re committing to their totality of being. Welp, I just wanted to share a little Monday Mediation with my family… And I hope you share it with yours, I’m sure you know of somebody who can use this.

And I really want to congratulate my friend Mainee whose mouF this quote came from. She’s about to embark upon some new things and a new season in her life and I’m extremely happy for her…

Talk to me…

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

#SPENCERISM- Heauxs Be Winnin’

Posted: August 10, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: #BBW, Angela Yee, Basketball Wives, Cheating, Groupie, Heaux, Ho, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Sex, Women

Heaux (pronounced Hō)

I think I wanna be a Heaux…

Wait, before we get started…. I’m one of the few people who give out good, quality stuff FOR FREE… In return, do me the favor of Subscribing for FREE over there to the left, under “Keep In Touch…” We got a deal?? Good…

Now, where was I? Oh yes…. I wanna be a Heaux… Have you ever heard a female say that? I have. I just got off the phone with my homie Dee, and she shared a conversation with me that she had with one of her female friends. But as she told me about her friend saying, “I think I wanna be a Heaux ’cause them Heauxs be winnin!” A few real life scenarios popped into my head, For example:

The Sexy Scholar Scenario:

A female does what she’s supposed to do. She has a great personality, great smile, gets good grades. She graduates top of her class, makes it into law school, is captain of the fencing team, pledges AKA, and she… Oh, wait lemme be politically correct… *A-hem! She pledges AKA or DELTA or ZETA or S.G.Rho, she secures a job at a nice law firm, keeps her body up to par and eventually attracts what society would call “A GOOD MAN.” They get married, buy the dream home, have 2.4 children, a Benz, a truck, and a mini van and then she finds out that he’s sleeping with his receptionist who is a BIRD! Heauxs be winnin…

The High School Sweetheart Scenario…

He’s the captain of the basketball team, she’s the cheerleader. They’re voted class King & Queen. He’s also voted most likely to be the next Michael Jordan. He goes away to college on a basketball scholarship. She stays local at a community college to get her associates degree in basket weaving or knitting or whatever. He declares for the draft after his sophomore year of college and makes it to the NBA. He does right by the woman who has held him down all these years… His High School sweetheart… BUT! He also needs to let her know that he also has a daughter on the way by one of the “it just happened” basketball group-group girls who won the “get on your knees and pop it like it bubble” dance contest at one of the house parties. And that she’d be getting 17% of their income for the next 18-21 years… But will you still marry me? Heauxs be winnin…

The Twitter Getter…

He’s a hard-working, blue-collar entrepreneur kind of guy. She stays at home and holds the house down like a champion. The crib is spotless. The children are mannerly and well-groomed. His meal is always on the table when he gets home from the construction site. After dinner, he takes the laptop down to his man cave to smoke a cigar and hop on the internet. He logs into his facebook page, his myspace page, his Hi-5, page, his tagged account, his blackplanet page, AND his twitter account. He sees a tweet from this one sexy blogger that he follows and decides to go and see if she’s on facebook too for a more elaborate type of interaction because that 140 characters on twitter just ain’t gonna cut it! He finds her, sends a request and she instantly accepts. He sees her green light on, and says hello through the pop up chat and before long they’re talking. In the following weeks, he starts taking his dinner plate down to the man cave along with his lap top and cigar and lotion *side eye. Now, these chats have gotten rather sexual, there have been picture exchanges and all of a sudden he has to now leave town on “business.” Wifey understands that his construction business is expanding so she packs his bag and wishes him well on his journey for him to come home with a new weird attitude, a paranoia, a burning sensation when he urinates, a new person prank calling their home, and the eventual admission that he spent about 4 stacks on a sensual weekend slip away with a facebook friend. Heauxs be winnin…

The Popular Loser

She never has to wait in line at the club. In fact, the bouncers come to the curb to open her cab door for her as she waltz’s past the regular peasants and walks through the velvet rope, past the coat check directly to the VIP section where her over priced glass bottles of fermented grapes await her. She’s the wifey of the most popular promoter in town who’s actually a loser. She flaunts her 3 karat engagement ring and loves how jealous the other females are of her. The one thing she hates is that he hardly ever spends that much time with her but she understands that he’s out there grinding. The night ends and he walks her to the taxi cab waiting out front where he tells her the usual… “Babe, I’ll be home in about an hour and a half, I just need to go back inside and finish up this money count.” And of course she believes him, smiles as he kisses her and she rides off. As time goes on, she then starts to notice that while she’s in VIP, the “lesser than” females are giving her cut eyes, and screw faces, and low-key taunting her but she has no idea why. It might have something to do with the fact that her boyfriend never goes back inside to do the count. He actually waits for her cab to hit the corner to slide off with one of these “lesser thans” for some Jovial Jumpoff! Wait ’til she hears what’s about to happen 1 month from now…. 4 months from now… AND 5 months from now… Yup, there are 3 “lesser thans” pregnant by her Popular Loser fiance. Well, at least 3 that we know of. Heauxs be winnin…

I sent out a tweet a couple of weeks ago stating, “If I was from another planet, and the show Basketball Wives was my first encounter with black women, I would never want to seriously date a black woman.” I don’t know all of their stories. I can point out what is and isn’t my type but I can’t exactly judge them either. But what I do know is… a “Heauxs be winnin…” type of smell comes from some of the women on that show and from situations like that #iFiTDontApplyLetiTFly. With that being said, I can understand the logic behind Dee’s friend saying what she said. It’s like the “good girls” get burned while the opportunistic girls get the reward. I won’t even get into how this dynamic is very similar for us men… I won’t even touch on that. But I remember when words like “groupie” and “prostitute” and “stripper” and “escort” would hold a negative stigma. It’s damn near the opposite these days.

Maybe it’s just me though…

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 3

Posted: August 4, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: Communication, Lies, Men, Relationships, Sex, Truth, Women

And Again… I am NOT a relationship expert…

However, You already know about the 6th sense thingy… Especially if you’ve already read Sex Language Pt. 1 AND Sex Language Pt. 2. If you have, then you already know where this is going. If not, click and read Parts 1 and 2 and then join the rest of us as I try to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing.“

Translation- On most cases, something is bothering them and they either want you to be more compassionate in your asking to really have a conversation about it OR they want you to sit and think about what you might’ve done (or not done) in the last 24 hours that has them feeling in a way. If you figure out what it is, address it with an apology EVEN if you feel it’s a small thing in your mind. It may be huge to them so don’t minimize it if you find out what it is.

Scenario #2- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing… Why? What makes you ask?“

Translation- In most cases, nothing is really bothering them OR it may be something that isn’t related to the relationship. In that case, just back off because it might be your own guilty conscience OR if it’s something unrelated to the relationship, they’ll probably come around and talk about it later.

Scenario #3- A Female, outta the blue starts a sentence with the words, “Don’t you wanna…” OR “Don’t you feel like…“

Translation- This is what I feel like doing and I’d suggest that you feel like doing it too. Fellas, if it’s within reason, DO IT! A- You’ll probably end up somewhat enjoying it anyway. B- She’ll hold it against you if you don’t. C- It comes with being in a relationship. You have to do certain things that you don’t want to, so you might as well just do it.

Scenario #4- A male and female get into a dispute about… I don’t know… let’s say… Where to have dinner. And in that dispute, she randomly says something like, “I bet you if I was that little skinny girl from your job, you wouldn’t be arguing me down about where to have dinner.“

Translation- I don’t like her presence as it pertains to our relationship. A- I am very insecure and I would like for you to do something about making me feel secure with my space in your life as it compares to women like her OR B- I am a very secure woman but I just don’t like the way that you 2 interact and it needs to stop and it’s been bothering me for a while so I’m using a silly debate over which restaurant as a means to bring it up. Nevermind, where this came from or what this has to do with dinner, or the fact that you don’t even know which skinny girl I’m talking about… JUST FIX IT!

Scenario #5- The person you are with, either locks their phone or keeps it face down when you’re around.

Translation- I have some stuff going on in or through my phone that I don’t want you to know about. At that time, it’s on you to decide if you’re willing to put up with that or not. Technically (Unless you’re married) it’s THEIR PHONE and they don’t have to share anything with you. And if that’s the attitude that they have then you have to decide whether or not you want to deal with that. They may change… They may not change… That’s on you!

Scenario #6- A person says to the other, with a slight attitude, You always do such and such OR You never do such and such…

Translation- Whatever follows that “Always” or that “Never” needs to be paid attention to. Whether the person is accurate or not with what their saying is one thing. But the other thing is that, whatever they’re saying you always or never do, is starting to get on their nerves. You might’ve only done it 2 times but it’s obvious that a past relationship or maybe even they way they were brought up, has made them annoyed when it comes to this issues, whatever this issue may be. At the point in time, whatever is being said that’s always or never done. needs to be addressed in truth and at the root.

Scenario #7- The female wants the male to meet her father or uncle or brothers or some type of “Male Guardian” figure in her life.

Translation- She wants you, Bro! At least in most cases. With that being said, it’s up to you to either go forth since it’s obvious that she wants to walk in the direction of getting more serious OR It’s on you to find a way to distance yourself from that situation or at least slow things down a bit. And here’s a hint… It’s hard to slow things down a bit, if you want to keep exchanging bodily fluids with her.

Scenario #8- I’m just waiting on my soulmate…

Now, only the mature and truthful people will agree with this one…

Translation- I’ve arrived… Often times, people who say the above, feel like they have MOST of their stuff together and now it’s just a matter of time or spiritual intervention until their match comes along. I’m not saying that they think they’re perfect. But they have subscribed to the miraculous notion that God has chosen someone for them and that they are the person chosen in return and by some supernatural alignment, they will meet up with this person. You were blessed with a mind, common sense, experiences, intuition, wisdom, gut feelings, council, and a whole bunch of other stuff that can be used when making choices and decisions. For God to Bless you with all of these things AND THEN come and make a decision for you is a bit much don’t you think? In no way, do I want to push my spiritual beliefs on you but… Men and women have sex and release biological particles that join each other as a means to conceive a child. God interrupted that regular cycle for the sake of birthing Christ in what we call a miracle. The sea is a strong force of water that has waves and currents and all that jazz. God interrupted that regular flow for the sake of Moses parting the sea in what we call a miracle. I do believe that God can do all things. I also believe that some relationships may have an anointing while others may just be a wreck from the beginning. But to say that God has a person chosen for you is a but much… In the book that I read, Adam was the only person that God had someone chosen for and it never happened again. So if you are sitting around waiting for a miracle as it pertains to your relationship, I wish you well with that. I might be a bit presumptuous in saying this but… Don’t expect a person waiting on their soulmate to be the most proactive and rational person in a relationship.

Scenario #9- Person A has a habit of meeting Person B at the hang out spot rather than picking them up.

Translation- I enjoy your company for what it is but I’m not really that into you beyond that. It might get there later on but I see a reason to keep us from getting to a certain level of intimacy but I still enjoy doing whatever we do when we get together in person.

Scenario #10- Person A looks Person B in the eye and says, “I don’t want to be hurt.“

Translation- Be concerned. Why? Because most “normal” people don’t want to be hurt. People don’t walk around making it known that they don’t want to be shot. Nor do they walk around making it know that they don’t want to have a bird doo doo on their head. Why? Because it’s a given! So if a person has to go as far as actually saying it to you then A- They already see something in you that might hurt them OR B- They are that needy and frail that you will spend a more than normal amount of time and energy tending to their security. And that may not be a bad thing depending on what you’re into but just know that more times than not, that will be a part of your bond.

Well, since we’re talking about all this male/female interaction, check out my latest Single “Aspirations.” Some of you have probably already seen on a blog or two but this is the first installment of my next project called The Appetizer. Just look to your left and listen there.. And of course I’m always down for feedback…

Anyway,

I still need that feedback on what you just read, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“

Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)

Join Me on Facebook & Youtube

KELEIDOSCOPE

KS TRACKS

Keep In Touch...

Blog Visits

Recent Posts

Look for past posts…

Your Thoughts…

Follow me @KelSpencer

Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

#SPENCERISM- Are Men Jerks?

#SPENCERISM- I Just Wanna Know Pt.1

#SPENCERISM- Heauxs Be Winnin’

Follow “KELEIDOSCOPE”