Prepare to laugh… to think… and to possibly be changed…
1. My brothers know me best! Therefore, my future wife will have quite a task in getting that Best Friend slot. But, if she plays her cards right, She should be just fine.
2. I am a Christian. Jesus is Lord Period. I believe it, I proclaim it and I am seeing it come to pass.
3. If I could find a woman who plays chess, knows how to change her own oil and understands the concept of a first down in football Im getting a lil excited, lemme calm down
4. I got a lump in my throat and some wet stuff came outta my eyes when Barrack took office.
5. I agree with Donkey from the movie Shrek. Parfaits are the best thing on the whole..Planet!!
6. I believe that perseverance can sometimes take you where talent and education cannot.
7. I believe that what talent, abilities and gifts can build up, Character (or lack thereof) can tear down.
8. I believe that Racism still exists in all shapes, forms and fashion. And not just against blacks.
9. I Love Women!!! Not girls, not hoochies, not skanks, scallywags, slores, shmuts, stunts OR them plain ole Heffas!! Women!!
10. 33 is a number of perfection and completion and I will celebrate my 33rd birthday with approximately 50 of my closest family members and friends in 2 countries other than the US. It’s Gonna be dope.
11. My Father is my human rule of conduct. He is the Greatest!!
12. The Bible is the owner’s manual for Life and so far I’ve read it Cover to Cover 8 times.
13. I am right handed but I brush my teeth (and do a few other things) with my left hand.
14. My God can beat up your God.
15. As a songwriter, I have over 8 million copies under my belt. I Gets buZy!!
16. I believe that it is easier for a person to be born blind than it is for a person to end up going blind later on in life. My mother and father are divorced. I wish it happened when I was a lot younger as opposed to when I was 21. Great learning experience though!! I aint mad at em
17. Kardinal Offishall, Smoothe the Hustler, M.O.P., Will Smith, Loon, Masta Ace, Andre 3000, Lauryn Hill, Teflon, G-Dep, Shawna (DTP), Big Pun, CL Smooth, Scarface, and Fabolous are a few emcees on my Most Underrated List.
18. I have and sometime still do bite off a finger nail and use it as a toothpick, DON’T JUDGE ME.
19. I appear to be smart but guess what Im just as lost as the rest of you slappies!!!
20. Damien -Junior Gong- Marley is a musical Juggernaut.
21. After a shower, I put on baby oil before I dry off. Dont knock it til you try it. ..
22. I believe that 98 out of 100 times..that a woman says shes not looking for a relationship… SHE IS LYING!!!
23. If I were in a foxhole in the middle of a war with Ray Lewis, and Maya Angelou, we would make it home safely.
24. My right foot is about 1/4 size larger than my left.
25. I dont have any children but I do have 8 Godchildren of whom only one has parents who are “happily” married. Im praying for em though.
26. (Re: Number 9) I Love Women, all kinds… The Becky’s, The Chun Li’s, The Sakagawea’s, and of course My Sista’s but I have this lil attraction-itch for Latino women. Maybe it’s just a phase, Maybe it’s not, we’ll see.
27. Although I’ve recently taken the Vegetarian route, I must admit that Italian food is my favorite. Chicken Parm Rocks!! But it has nothing on parfaits or Coldstone.
28. I do not eat Red Meat or Pork. Not for religious or spiritual purposes. Cholesterol is the ENEMY!!
29. I think people should pay more attention to the lyrics of a song than the beat.
30. I think that sugar and salt are the two most addictive things known to mankind.
31. I think that everyone should have at least 10-14 bowel movements per week.
32. I believe that both success and failure come in small increments.
33. I know the 6 things that women want in a man. Yup! Hint… Salon Stories
34. I do not burn bridges. There are sharks in the water!!!
35. I believe that change is lifes only constant.
36. I know that I am a tool of God.
37. I still do not understand why men have nipples. Maybe its just decoration (Just kidding, if you don’t know why, feel free to ask me).
38. There are people that do not have the same blood as me that are closer to me than those that do.
39. I believe that 7 out of 10 times when a woman tells you how many guys that she has slept with, you should add 4 (or more) to that number because there are a couple of guys that (she’ll say) do not count, whatever that means.
40. I believe that just because you have a penis that does not make you a Dude. A lot of dudes are straight chicks, Word!!!
41. Q-Tips are of the Devill!!! (If you’re an L. Bennett’s Weekly Bread Subscriber you know what I mean)
42. I think “So tell me something about yourself” is one of the weirdest things you can ask a person. How ’bout a specific question?
43. I think about things like… Money is made out of paper. Paper comes from trees, So why do some people say Money does not grow on trees? Stupid
44. Due to my own stupidity, irresponsibility and immaturity, I’ve worn handcuffs a couple of times, and Ive been in a couple of jail cells and Its not fun.
45. During my junior and senior years as a New York City, All-City High School quarterback, I led my school to two Championships and lost them both.
46. Yes, I am a Scorpio but NO I don’t believe in Astrology or Zodiac signs and all that. But, if that’s your thing, cool…
47. I believe that drunk white people are cool!!!
48. I believe that CRACK COCAINE is a tied to most of the issues in Urban America
49. As an emcee I have the right to say that in this day and age of Hip Hop and Rap music, 8 out of 10 emcees/ rappers SUCK!!!
50 Love is not an emotion nor is it a feeling. It’s a choice. It’s centered in the will. It’s a decision and a commitment to that decision. Lust is the desire to please yourself at the expense of someone else. Love is the desire to please someone else at the expense of yourself. Love is a choice, a decision, a desire to give. God so loved the world that He gave…
51. I am that next dude. Trust Me… God told me. Get on the train Now!!!
52. I love people but, I cant stand people.
53. I’ve thrown a couple of Blows in my day but, ironically, Ive never smacked anyone before. Hmmmmm
54. I believe that a persons knowledge can only be tied to the level that theyre exposed to. Get involved People!!!
55. I don’t understand how people complain about how horrible Hip Hop is now a days and how different I seem to be as an artist yet, and how much they enjoy what I do and all that jazz but have never gone as far as even downloading a FREE mixtape of mine, or come to see me rock live, or even sat and watched my Reality Series. Maybe Im doing something wrong. Maybe these people are lying to me ..
56. Ive always known this but, Recently, Im really seeing that you cannot please everyone. You will make decisions that may please 99 out of 100 people. But, just as long as you and God are 2 of those 99, that 100th person can Huddy Up!!! (Only The Jims know what that means)
57. All you have to do is control the controlables, my lil brother Flo Blitz told me that, Wud up My dude!?!
58. I shave my head like 3 times a week. Crazy right?
59. I consider my self a nerd with the packaging of an athlete.
60. I have tendonitis of the knees and actually had surgery to repare a Ruptured (Popped) Patella Tendon back in 2006. Click HERE to see what that means. Click HERE to see how it went down => (pic1 pic2 pic3 pic4) and Click HERE to see my knee afterwards.
61. I got my tonsils removed when I was 13.
62. I was skipped from the 7th to the 9th Grade. And because my birthday isn’t until November, I was a college freshman at age 16. Kinda Crazy, right?
63. For the masses that dont fully understand this concept, I have taken the liberty of breaking it down: unless you were born this way, Breasts and a penis should not be on the same body. I Dont Think?!?!
64. I lost my virginity when I was Oh! Wait, no I found it. Never mind
65. I believe that a hand and wrist massage can sometimes feel better than a back, neck and shoulder massage. Take advantage, people!!!
66. I believe that what you hear has alot to do with the balance in your life. I guess that’s why the control center for your body’s balance is in your ears…
67. I wonder why the word Lisp has an S in it. Isnt that just cruel???
68. People should know (a) Your child should get an occasional spanking (2) Your Pastor does not know everything and (Z) Hickeys are not attractive.
69. I want four children with my future wife. But I’ll take them in variations (ie 3 from Natural birth and adopt 1 or 2 and 2, etc)
70. Fellas!!! 98 out of 100 times, If your girl is on your back and is suspecting you of cheating Its because YOU ARE, you slappy!!! Either that or you recently stopped.
71. I believe that you should not ask your mate a question that you do not really want the answer to.
72. I know that communication is the basis for cooperation.
73. I believe that attitude determines approach. Approach determines success or failure.
74. Ladies when I come over, Dont do the Long t-shirt with the socks. It reminds me of my mother. YUCK!!!
75. Ladies, You have proven that your definition of thick is about 25 pounds heavier than My definition of thick. Lets just be honest people!!!
76. I know that people will ride with you to the level of their own convenience. Once your path puts them in a position that they dont like, EVEN IF ITS GOOD FOR YOU, they’ll start to feel in a way. Thats just people, I guess
77. Walking is not working out!!!
78. I believe that cars go up to 160 mph for a reason!!! Mr. State Trooper you can Huddy Too!!!
79. I believe that a man who acts like a boy will force his woman to act like his Mom. Thats why shes on your back, playa!!!
80. Ladies, get off our..backs, Geez. Can we live!?!?!
81. Stay with me on this one… You know how a letter with no stamp gets returned to the sender, right? I wonder if I put my address in the middle instead of the upper left hand corner and the destination in the upper left hand corner instead of the middle and put it in the mail without a stamp, would it go to the address Im trying to send it to. Hmmmm.
82. My middle name is De Juan.
83. Reggeaton… Ummm, Ill get back to you on that.
84. I love the intentions behind it but, I am not a fan of Gospel Rap.
85. I wonder why we park in a drive way but we drive on a parkway.
86. I have one of the most unique minds youll (n)ever meet. I promise you that.
87. I only got one spanking in my whole entire life.
88. Is it just me or do 40 percent of..the women out there nowadays look both 18 and 35 at the same time??
89. Could you imagine being Moses and having to tell a bunch of men that God said they now have to be circumsized??? God has a great sense of humor!!!
90. If during sex the other person does not kiss you on your lips, don’t expect it to be anything more than that. You’re supposed to be married anyway, Thank you!!!
91. College is a dope institution and can be a great tool but is over rated.
92. Let the chips fall where they may? Damn That Im trying to have a say in where my chips land at.. That rhymed too.
93. I think about the fact that people are watching you all the time. When they do, what are they saying??
94. I don’t think you should..kiss your pet on the mouth. But, that’s just me…
95. I’ve never had sex in a movie theatre.
96. It’s not enough to just Believe in God. What does that mean?? Even Satan believes theres a God. ..
97. I have the best looking man-feet ever in the history of history. No corns, No bunions, None of that. WORD!!!
98. I have a lot of Female Friends. Future wife, if you’re out there, just bear with me. Well work it out together!!!
99. Believe it or not, my parents call me Kel.
100. My father was in the Air Force So I was born in Germany. I lived there for about a month after I was born and had the chance to go back and perform there back in 2000 and in 2007.
101. My number one goal is to hear the following words from God one day, Job well done, good and faithful servant.
102. I grind my teeth in my sleep, why? Don’t ask…
103. I was raped out of my first kiss. I was about 7 years old and two girls from the 5th grade caught me in the stairway, wrestled me to the ground and took turns, sticking their tongues in my mouth. As a 3RD grader that had me so shook, I wouldn’t go down that staircase alone but looking back, doesn’t that make me like a junior Hot Rod or something?
104. Olive Garden Sangria (Red) is that dopeness.
105. I believe that what’s crazy about society is that the craziest thing that happened recently is slightly more crazy than the crazy thing that happened right before it, to the point that the crazy thing that happened right before the most recent crazy thing doesn’t even seem as crazy anymore. Isn’t that crazy?
106. Don’t be doofy or goofy. If you’re a woman, over 5’11″ your dance floor movement should be limited to only a 2-step. No pelvic thrusts, No out stretched arms and certainly no moon-walking.
107. I’m not sure why you can go to a person’s page (Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, etc…) and send them a note or request them as a friend and they ask you… “How’d you find my page?” Ummmm…. Let’s see, maybe because you’re in the FRIGGIN INTERNET WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD?!?!?
108. I almost pee’d on myself recently. How? Thanks to looking at a pencil sketch of a teenaged girl drawn by Mr. Napolean Dynamite. If you’ve never heard of that name or you’ve never seen the movie, leave it alone…
109. Toned arms…. Nah, I’m just gonna keep it 100, Muscular arms on a woman is a turn on for me. Noooo… I don’t want veins popping out, nor do I want a chick that could probably beat me in arm wrestling but when she has defined biceps and triceps… I start thinking things…
110. If you can have a full out conversation while you’re working out, then you’re not working out.
111. I’m sure most of you agree that, no matter what, you should be nice to your waiter/ waitress. You don’t want them giving the signal to the cooks and then all of the sudden they’re playing soccer in the kitchen with your meat.
112. If you have a gift from God, it will always be worth more than a person who has years of experience but doesn’t have the gifting. Just think, Noah’s boat lasted because it was favored by God. Meanwhile the so-called “Indestructible Titanic” sunk.
113. Is it sunk or sank??? What do I know? I’m just a dumb rapper…
114. I can’t bring chapstick on an airplane but I can walk on with a Whitney Houston CD that I can easily snap in half and use to stab anyone sitting near me. How Ironic…
115. Fellas!! It’s not that women always want their way… It’s just that they want to know that their way has been considered, and factored into the equation. So even if you disagree or go against what she says, make it known (FIRST) that her viewpoint has been thought about…
116. Ladies!!! Could you just be quiet sometimes?? I’m busy trying to snap this CD in half, GARSH!!!
117. Christianity is a Faith Based relationship between the Christian and God through Jesus Christ. However, It takes more “Faith” to NOT believe in God, than it takes to believe in Him. Think about it…
118. When I’m typing, I pretty much know where every letter on the keyboard is. But if you gave me a blank keyboard and asked me to fill in the letters, I’m not sure that I’d be able to do it 100% successfully. Kinda weird, huh…
119. I’m not feeling all these TV Dating shows with everyone just kissing each other and spit swapping and tongue wrestling and playing tonsil hockey. That’s SPIT, People!!! Yuck!!!
120. Not like I would know but Baby wipes seem to feel a lot better than toilet paper but not like I would know or anything…
121. Doesn’t it defeat the purpose of washing your hands in a restaurant when right after you toss your paper towel on the trash, you touch a doorknob or door handle that God knows how many other people have touched since it’s last wipe down… If they ever even wipe it down? Hmmm… I use that same paper towel to open the door then toss it once I’ve opened the door.
122. WAIT!!! Let’s take it a step further… When was the last time you actually disinfected the bathroom doorknob in your own home?!?!
123. WAIT!!! Let’s take it even further… When was the last time you disinfected the toilet handle?!?!
124. I believe that the sales of both disinfectant spray, and wipes are going to mysteriously rise this weekend…
125. Ok, I almost pee’d on myself another time too. It was when Borat told the story about his retarded brother breaking out of the cage and… Nevermind.
126. What are eyebrows for?? Then again, I guess they’re the only way that we can show people that we’re surprised!!!
127. In the Bible, Moses used a serpent wrapped around a stick to serve as a symbol for healing (Numbers 21:8-9). And to this very day that same serpent wrapped around that same stick is still the symbol for healing. If you don’t believe me, just look at the side of any ambulance driving down the street. But I guess you probably think that’s just a coincidence right?
128. Ladies, Nipple hair is NOT THE MOVE!!!
129. Fellas, If you’ve had sex with her before, it’s not really gonna go over too well when you tell people, “Oh, she’s like my sister.”
130. I’ve never smoked anything, ever…
131. I sometimes sleep with my eyes open. Yeah, I know…
132. One of my distant relatives is a former boxer who got pounded on by Muhammad Ali.
133. Using condoms as water balloons is hilarious!!! Not that I would know…
134. When I’m at home, no matter who’s around, I move my bowels with the door open. If you don’t like it, you can leave!!!
135. Once we get rid of our “Slave Mentality” we’ll see so much progress (Blog on this topic soon to come)
136. One winter, I made snowballs, and put them in the freezer until the summertime. The summertime came around and we had a water fight on my block. Guess who ended the fun because no one could understand how in the world, I was throwing snowballs in the middle of July…
137. Ok, one more time when I blew my drink through my nose and of course I… ummmm.. I almost pee’d on myself… Ummmm, well… It was in the movie “Life” when the judge gave Martin and Eddie their sentence and slammed the gavel down screaming “LIFE!!!” Pay close attention to all of the statements that Martin & Eddie make right after.
138. If you’re a guy, and you’ve had over 15 instances where you’ve had sex with a woman within 24-hours of meeting her than you’re just a down right, dirty… wait… oh, nevermind.
139. A belt and suspenders at the same time is a NO NO!!!
140. If you’re the smartest person in your group, you should get a new group. Challenge yourselves!!!
141. If you don’t sing, hum or whistle in the shower, there is something wrong with you.
142. Maybe I’m wrong but I believe that The NY Yankees logo, just might be the most popular logo this planet has ever seen. (McDonald’s, Coke, Mercedes and Nike may have strong arguments as well)
143. Ladies, ask us first. You may think that feels good to us, but it doesn’t…
144. Fellas, ask her first. That little thing you do might be a little to rough and abrasive. That doesn’t feel good to her…
145. When I go to a restaurant and I have left over food that I don’t want, I don’t leave it there for them to throw out and waste. I get it “To Go” and find a homeless person to give it to. And here in Brooklyn, I won’t be looking for too long. Try it yourself.
146. Chicks dig my eyelashes, eyebrows, and lips. And they say that my pictures do me no justice. I think I’m a Hunk in the making… I joke, I joke.
147. I think that DJ’s should understand just how much power they have. DJ’s are the portal from artistry to the world. I don’t fully blame them for the trash that’s out there but I don’t fully compliment them for filtering it either. I love DJ’s though…
148. I think you should all go to Facebook and check out Me & My Brother and add that page as a friend if you haven’t already.
149. Being a parent is the most important job you can ever have.
150. “Said we was garbage so *&%# college/ Street knowledge amazes the scholars when we coin phrases for dollars.” by Sauce Money just might be my favorite 2 Bars in Rap History. It embodies the black male psyche of so many of the dudes who come from where I come from, have lived like I’ve lived, and whose veins contain what mine do.
151. Believe it or not, you are going to die one day. Then what? Are you sure?
-Kel Spencer
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God’s Favorite Emcee, Warrior Poet, Pen.Man, Satan Hater, Ice cream Lover, Quarterback of The Urban Experience & chicks dig me too…
Paintball hickey, courtesy of my own little brother Flo Blitz Smh…
