Posts Tagged ‘Insecurities’

#SPENCERISM- This ain’t Hate, It’s Love

Posted: April 27, 2011 in I just thought you should know
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

You’re special. Yes, you! You’re special…

Every bone in your body… Every fiber of your being… Every hair on your head (and your back & ears for some of us lol!) has been numbered with precision. You are special. You have issues with weight. You have debt. You have a problem finding a suitable mate. You have don’t get along with the other parent of your child. You’re confused. You don’t know how to pray to or who to pray at all… But guess what, you’re still special.

“I can’t deal w/the fashion show and the DROVES of folks who ONLY go to church today so I never go to church on Resurrection Sunday. But y’all have a Blessed One! #Hallelujah” ~Kel Spencer

You live check to check. You had a dream as a child of where you wanted to be by now and you’re NO WHERE near that dream. You have an ingrown hairs. You have a health condition that you’re embarrassed to share and that you’d rather not have. You show up late for almost everything you attend but you could’ve sworn you woke up with enough head start time. You can never find anything to wear. But you’re special.

“Hey Fatty! I’m in the gym, what are you doing?” ~Kel Spencer

You just found out that your ex was cheating on you… even more than you thought. You just found out who your parents really are and there are some things about them that you HATE! You wish you were taller. You wish you were more lean. You wish your hair wasn’t doing what it’s doing right now. You wish you had more twitter followers. You wish you didn’t have that student loan… or child support… or that credit card bill every month because then you would really be a step closer to balling outta control But… you’re still special.

“When I hear one of my Ex’s is dealing with a No Good dude, I hate that my heart has to slap my mind on the shoulder like, “Stop Laughing, That ain’t funny!” Smh… #SorryGod” ~Kel Spencer

At the end of the day, you really don’t know the difference between a democrat, republican, or a liberal. You wish you finished college. You finished college and wonder what difference did it really make. You’re unemployed. You’re unhappily employed. Your friends borrow money from you and ask you to give them rides but when you need it in return there’s no one around to help. You’re still special though. You wish things were like they were when you were a kid. You wish relationships were like they were when we were kids… I like you… Do you like me? You do? Cool, so now we go together… SIMPLE! We’re all special.

“‎#SPENCERISM- He/She who wears shades in the club is either a retard or is at a level of coolness that a peasant like me shall never reach.” ~Kel Spencer 

You wish that you didn’t have to pay bills but you love the luxury that these services provide. Your crotch itches and you have to fart at the most inopportune times. You, just like me, have at least one major…

It’s not a disease… But we all suffer from it in some way, shape, or form. If you’re reading this, then I’m talking to you! If you’re reading this, please share this with at least 10 of your friends… friends who will actually read this because you definitely know 10 people who could use this right now. One of my own insecurities is in the area of family. I grew up in a loving home with 2 great parents and it was stripped from me right while I was at the doorstep of manhood. Right while I felt I needed that structure the most. There are people out there who NEVER had parents and have lived in waaaaaaaaay more harsh conditions. But in my own personal experience, that is a scar that may never heal, and has me in a place where I cherish relationships and can’t wait to be a husband and father. I believe there are many men out there who want the same but the colors of the world and our households have painted and tainted our manhearts the ugly shades of noncommitment, objectification, laziness, fear and the worst of all NON-KNOWINGHOWNESS. But any hoo… I place value on every friendship, every acquaintanceship, every business partnership, every internet homie, every bond that I have and may have in the future. Unfortunately, time, responsibilities and my own imperfections don’t allow me to deal with them all as precisely as I’d like but I value all of it. I give hand written thank you cards out at my events. I kiss babies. I shake hands. I reply to tweets. But at the end of it all, I still have insecurities and things that I’m dealing with… many of them were mentioned above, as I’m sure you can relate to as well. I say all of that to say, No matter how funny, light hearted, harsh, sarcastic, loving, or insightful it comes across… I do this out of love. Never lust… Never hate. It comes from an imperfect place… from an imperfect human… and travels through perfect time and perfect space to reach the hearts & minds of other imperfect humans. With all of that imperfection, I hope that we all can find some sort of perfection in all that we do with and for eachother. Because  we all have a seed of greatness planted within us that with the right amount of care… water… and time can grow into whatever it desires. Because we’re all special…

Yeah, even you… yeah, the one picking their nose while driving. Yup, even you too!

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)
Join Me on Facebook & Youtube
 
God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Friend VS Ex-Jumpoff

Posted: April 12, 2011 in I'm Saying. I just wanna know
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Pardon me for going on a “relationship rant” lately but for some reason, Relationship topics have been weighing heavy on me lately. Maybe my biological man-clock is ticking or something, I don’t know… Anyway, I want to address you with a topic that is always both simple and complex at the same time. I know people who believe that a man and a woman can be friends and only friends and I also know people who believe that it is 100% Impossible for a man and woman to be platonic friends. I want to discuss this…

I recently posted the following question, “Ladies, if your man’s female friend needed him to help her move or move some furniture or put up a shelf in her home, etc… How would you feel about that?” (April 7th, 7:35pm Fam Page / Regular Page) There were mixed responses but a nice amount of the answers lent themselves to women not trusting the friendship between their man and his female friend. Now, that trust could stem from the fact that he’d have to be alone with her at her home, or it might stem from feeling like his female friend crossed the line by even asking when she could’ve simply asked another single man in her life, or it might even stem from the fact that the girlfriend is insecure, I don’t know!

The following example might make your stomach turn but I have actually been to weddings where I’m in the audience, sitting next to an ex-girlfriend of the groom who is up at the altar getting married. The groom and this ex-girlfriend are such good friends and have been only friends for so long (10+ years) that the groom never even bothered to tell his fiance about their sexual past. I’m not saying whether I agree with that or not, I’m just sharing what I’ve seen. And making it known that he probably didn’t tell his fiance for fear of having to let loose a friendship that is valuable to him. Again, I’m not saying whether or not that’s right or wrong… AGAIN, I’M NOT SAYING WHETHER OR NOT THAT’S RIGHT OR WRONG.

I’ve also seen situations where a girl has a “brother” or a very close male friend, and most people wouldn’t know that at one point in time, they did the “Happy Horizontal” or shared an intimate kiss. I even know a few women who (after many years) call the guy who de-virginized them their “brother,” because now they are friends and friends only, and have no urge at all to be anything more than just friends. I’ve even seen situations where a man and woman have children, and one of the Godparents is an ex of one of the parents, without the other parent even knowing about their sexual past, Why? Because all they see is the current friendship and it appears to be a happy, non-intrusive relationship. AGAIN, I’M NOT SAYING WHETHER OR NOT THAT’S RIGHT OR WRONG.

Now, I have also seen situations where a man and woman may have had a sexual encounter or a sexual relationship in the distant past, and now they are just friends. And they actually choose to share that with whomever they’re currently in a relationship with just so that no secrets are kept. I have seen that as well. AGAIN, I’M NOT SAYING WHETHER OR NOT THAT’S RIGHT OR WRONG.. In your opinion, do men & women have the ability to be friends and friends only, or is it a guaranteed, automatic that something sexual will happen in time, if given the right space and opportunity?

Your thoughts?

 

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer
Join Me on Facebook & Youtube
God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Baller? or Bum?

Posted: November 15, 2010 in I'm Saying. I just wanna know
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

So… I don’t really do the club thing like that but I do from time to time. When I go, of course there’s the Bottle Poppers/ Ballers/ Shot Callers, Brawlers… Who be dippin in the Benz… Ok, I couldn’t resist, lol!!! Ok, Ok, Ok… lemme start at the beginning…

My birthday was November 8th. I didn’t spend my birthday in Brooklyn so I missed a Birthday Gift Delivery. After coordinating when another attempt at the delivery would be made… Hours later, the doorbell rings… It’s a hispanic guy, maybe early 30′s and wait… he looks familiar! I know him from the club!! I actually remember him from the section I was partying in a while back and he was pouring champagne on a few young ladies! I remember him quite clear because he kept screaming “MVP, BABY!! I DO THIS, I’M THE MVP!!!!”

But for some reason, he looks mad nervous and he’s even starting to turn red and get that upper lip sweat like Whitney Houston. But why? I pass him back the clipboard after signing it and he almost trips while walking off of my porch. What’s with this guy?

Here’s another scenario, I’m driving past a High School near my house and I pull over to stop at a Pizza Shop that I had never been in before. I’m in line ready to order and sitting at on a stool at the counter is a security guard. It’s pretty obvious that he works at the High School across the street and he’s on his lunch break. Again, he looks at me as if he saw a ghost! But I remember him too! He’s the guy who was at our mutual friend’s birthday bowling party at Chelsea Piers calling himself “TOP SHOTTA” because he buys the most shots at any party or function he goes to. And that night, he seemed extremely proud that he made 3 girls throw up in the process of buying over 50 shots!!!

My thing is… What’s with all the embarrassment?  It’s not like I caught you in the middle of stealing $5 from your Grandmother’s purse. It’s not like I walked in on you watching http://www.MeSoHornyLoveYouLongTime.com videos. It’s not like I witnessed you being beat up by a midget transexual. You have a job! You have a good job! You’re working! You’re a positive addition to society!

So why the trembling and sweating, my brother??

I know why! Of course I know why! But, my questions is… Why is there so much pressure to be what you’re not? I’m not rich. I’ve never been rich. I’m not a Baller. I don’t have a Bentley. I don’t own a mansion. I don’t play golf with the governor on the weekends. I don’t have 3 models on my arms wherever I go. Why can’t it just be ok to not indulge in those things and not act like it either? Anyone wanna share?

Also, If you’ll be in the NYC area in Mid January and would like to attend the soon coming FREE shoot/show, (Read my last post entitled What is #FPBK for details) please send a quick e-mail to 3HirdPowerEvents@gmail.com with “#FPBK Show/Shoot” as the title and info will be sent to you soon. In supporting this movement, you are indeed supporting me but more importantly, you’re supporting yourself…

But please, gimme your thoughts!!!!

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer
Join Me on Facebook, Youtube & Centric TV
God’s Favorite Emcee, Warrior Poet, Pen.Man, Satan Hater, Ice cream Lover, Quarterback of The Urban Experience & chicks dig me too…

#SPENCERISM- What is #FPBK?

Posted: November 2, 2010 in Just Sharing...
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I walked through the revolving doors into the quiet midtown lobby. In a hard but welcoming West Indian accent, the middle aged security guard says, “What’s up Boss? Mek me see ya ID.” As he signs me in, he asks, “Is what floor ya wanta go tuh?” I let him know that I’m supposed to meet some people on the fourth floor. “Oh ya goin to de studio?? You a big tingz man, eh?” I respond with a humble laugh and nod. I’m glad someone could make me laugh, because it’s not easy to come from THE ONLY FAMILY that you know of, who resembles the Huxtables on The Cosby Show and realize a few days prior, that what you know as family is about to fall victim to a word called… Divorce. I’m glad this man made me laugh, as he asks me to sign the clipboard and returns my ID. As I get off of the elevator, I see a gentleman dressed up as Motzart getting make up applied, surrounded by a small entourage of people wearing jackets, and diamond chain pendants that spell out, in an edgy street font, Ruff Ryderz. The gentleman in the motzart costume is a producer by the name of Swizz Beatz. They all give me a “What’s Up” in the form of a head cocked halfway back, hood nod as I walk to my area for make up and wardrobe. The year is approximately 2000/2001 and this is my first interview/photo shoot for a major Hip Hop publication called XXL Magazine. The shoot goes well and I sit down to do my interview with a gentleman named Jermaine Hall. We talked about all kinds of things like my decision to leave Morgan State early to pursue my new deal with Overbrook/Interscope, to my sports background,  to my associations with Will Smith and DJ Premier and MC Lyte, to even little things like Gortex Boots and Junior’s Cheesecake. The interview went extremely well, until…

A question was asked…

A simple question, yet the most complex question that a 19/20 year old kid could ever be asked…

Remember being a child in the lunchroom at school, and the chubby lady serving the food with the mole on her face and the plastic shower cap would ask you to hold your tray up so she could plop on a big spoonful of something that you probably won’t eat? That stuff that looked like a hybrid between mashed potatoes and chocolate pudding? Well, when the gentleman asked me…

“So Kel, what is your style like? Who would you compare yourself to?“

That potato pudding is exactly what my brain felt like… On top of what I’m already dealing with in my personal life. I’m trying to figure out who I’m going to become without having my family, and this guy adds to it by asking who I ‘m going to become in the music industry too…

I mean, I’m from Brooklyn and I spit! So am I Hardcore? Nah… Well, I love lyricism so I must be backpacker, right? Nope… Wait, Wait, Wait… I have a connection with the ladies so I’m probably going to be the next LL Cool J, Yeah that’s it… Hmmm… Nope, that’s not it either. Oh, wait… I know… Since I like to touch on things that matter, that makes me a conscious ra… Nah, that ain’t it either. Of course it’s not Mr. Hall’s fault. What he asked me was a logical question and I don’t think he was trying to confuse me or expose any of my insecurities or unsettled thoughts. I think he was genuinely trying to get the best interview possible. But his question, morphed into…

“Kel, How come you ain’t on the radio?“

“Kel, How come you ain’t spinning in the clubs?“

“Kel, How come you ain’t all over the blogs?“

I can honestly say that I have struggled for years to answer that initial question and the questions that my friends, and supporters as me. That struggle has reflected in my music… In my lifestyle… And especially in my choices. I have created from a place of needing to be like that person, Or needing to sound like this person. I have made decisions from a place of needing to please this decision maker or needing to appease this part of the market. That has caused my product to always fall short of where I’d like it to be. I have let so much time pass by, while sitting in a pool of inconsistency all in the name of answering “What is my style like?” When in actuality, that question never really even needs to be answered… Well, at least not answered using the typical labels and boxes.

No more boxes. No more titles. No more categories. The Fresh Prince of Brooklyn #FPBK project says just that. On the Fresh Prince show, Will Smith was taken from Philly and placed in an environment that forced him to be the “different” one… the outcast… the weird one… the one who didn’t really fit in the boxes of Bel Air. However, in time, he made the experience a successful one while not compromising who he was yet still managing to be accepted, loved and respected. I relate to that in so many ways… And I don’t think that it’s just some coincidence that I’ve been Blessed with a 10+ year working relationship and friendship with Will Smith, which you will all be privy to on this project. Expect no boxes with this project. Expect music that could fit in both the Gang Starr and Linkin Park catalogs. Expect music that could fit on both a Passion Pit or Aloe Blacc album. Expect the music to serve as the soundtrack to people who might wear Creative Recreations/Cardigans at a Friday night loft party and then Jeans and hoodies to a Basketball game in East New York the following Saturday afternoon. Lyrical Miracle wrapped in street symphony… Imagine Raphael Saadiq and Biggie making a freshman album together… THIS IS WHAT THEIR FRESHMAN PROJECT WOULD SOUND LIKE! If you LOVE gangsta-gangsta, or bounce-it bounce-it to the floor, or you LOVE the world handing you a mediocre, cookie-cutter, structured lifestyle that you’re going to accept, then this is the project… the movement… the culture that you’ll HATE!  Expect a soundtrack to short web movies that show me in the studio with established and up and coming producers, artists & musicians… that show me in classrooms with students showing them proper creative writing mechanics with my Pens of Power program… that show just how boring this world is and our lives are when we trap ourselves in boxes, labels, and categories.

#FPBK is an entire movement for those of us who define ourselves and don’t live by how others define us. #TEAMNOBOXES.

I’ll be holding an event soon. It will be a Live showcase with myself, and my band. This showcase will also serve as a video shoot. This showcase/video shoot will be FREE. This FREE Showcase/Video shoot is just one small piece of what #FPBK will be giving you for the next few months. If you live in a Box, I don’t expect you to take part. But if you’re a person like me who likes to define yourself by your own definition, then join me and some of your favorite Artists, Producers, Actors, Stylists, Bloggers and Musicians for what I’m calling The Fresh Prince of Brooklyn. #FPBK.

If you’ll be in the NYC area in Mid July and would like to attend the soon coming FREE shoot/show, please send a quick e-mail to 3HirdPowerEvents@gmail.com with “#FPBK Show/Shoot” as the title and info will be sent to you soon. In supporting this movement, you are indeed supporting me but more importantly, you’re supporting yourself…

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)
Join Me on Facebook & Youtube
 
God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes