Posts Tagged ‘Communication’

#SPENCERISM- Bromance?!?

Posted: October 17, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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Yeah, at first glance it kinda weirded me out a little bit too… No, but try this… As my song ASPIRATIONS is playing and the line “I wanna be your boyfriend” comes up, look hard and straight at the picture above, Bwuahahaha!! Ok, Ok…

Ok, so this is NOT a post about homosexuality or bi-sexuality or tri-sexuality or even my-sexuality, it’s about this new phenomenon called “BROMANCE.” Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a new topic but the intensity of it is rising at a rate that I don’t think any of us are realizing. Allow me to set the scene… It’s 10pm, on a Wednesday evening. There’s a group of guys at the bar after work and they’re having drinks, smoking cigars and watching the game. There’s 3 seconds left in the game, the score is tied and just before the buzzer, their team hits the game winning shot. They all stand to their feet, jumping up and down, hugging, and hi-fiving. At that point, the bartender lets them know that its last call and it’s almost time to close up shop. One guy does a light jog over to the coat rack, grabs his coat, gives the guys all hugs and handshakes and makes it known that he has to head home to his wife. The rest of the guys do the same thing though not quite as urgently. Then there’s that last guy who basically does not want to go home to his wife. He practically cries at the thought of having to walk through his front door and be greeted by his wife… Wanna know why? It’s because of a simple word… APPRECIATION.

Now, the word APPRECIATION is similar to the word RESPECT. They are both things that people should both give and get automatically (at a basic level) but your performance determines how much RESPECT and APPRECIATION people will continue to give you and show you. The problem is… Too many men aren’t real men which is why they often don’t get the respect and appreciation they feel that they deserve. But on the flip side, a lot of men… (I’ve been in this boat myself) go above and beyond in their relationships yet still don’t get the appreciation that they’d like in return. Uh Oh… wait, here goes the ladies thinking, “Well it’s the same way the other way around, Kel!” And this is indeed true but we’re talking about Bromance right now so back off, sister!

Like I was saying, Men gravitate towards where we feel appreciated. For example, a prostitute, stripper, mistress, and maybe even that woman down at the gym with the skimpy outfit, all visually and often verbally (Compliments, Flirting. etc…) show your man that they appreciate him. Granted, they may not be genuine with it but it sure feels like it! Maybe even more than you do… So he gravitates towards them. Your husband doesn’t want to throw away that old football jersey or his trophies that have been in the garage collecting dust, why? Because those are symbols of appreciation. He wore that jersey while a crowd was screaming his name. He received those trophies as a result of his athletic efforts being recognized.

If a man is worthy of respect and appreciation and his woman is not supplying him with it, he will seek that appreciation elsewhere and often in a group setting with his buddies… BROMANCE! Furthermore, the increase in Independent Women can cause an increase in overlooking how much your man needs to feel appreciated. Just keep this stuff  in mind.

So, if you happen to know a man who is heavily involved in John Madden marathons with his boys and/or extra hours at the gym taking back to back zumba classes, don’t be so quick to question his sexuality. He just might be an immature weed-smoking video game nut with a kinky spandex fetish… That’s possible. But he also might be screaming for the attention that his woman isn’t giving him so he resorts to…

Think about it… Oh, and fellas don’t think that if you don’t appreciate her she can’t get that elsewhere either, playa!!! Please feel free to share…

-Kel Spencer

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FRξSH PЯINCξ OF BЯOOKLYN | iLoveJesus | American Music Award Winning Writer | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | #ChixDigMe | GGA | #TeamNoBoxes | QB of The Urban Experience| Warrior Poet |

#SPENCERISM- Are Men Jerks?

Posted: October 5, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
Tags: , , , , , ,
So here’s how the text went… Keep in mind, these 2 people are attracted to each other but not in a relationship, have never done anything sexual. They talk on the phone and laugh and text each other pictures and poke on facebook and that kinda thing;
 
9:22pm Her: Hey you… Watcha doing?
 
9:23pm Him: Watching the game.
 
9:25pm Her: I’m missing it. What’s the score?
 
9:25pm Him: 16-7 Ravens up.
 
9:29pm Her: What Quarter?
 
9:30pm Him: You’re killing me… 2nd Quarter just started.
 
9:30pm Her: Oh hush. Never freaking mind then.
 
9:31pm Him: I know. How inconsiderate of me. What was I thinking? My apologies.

9:35pm Her: I don’t need sarcasm.

9:36pm Him: Well you don’t like honesty so I figured I’d try something else. FYI Me saying “Watching The Game” is where you respond with “Oh ok, Should I let you go?” That way, the person has the option to go back to doing what they were doing or continue texting you. Just a ‘people’ tip.

9:46pm Her: I would never say that if someone tells me they’re watching the game because I watch football too. I was just interested in an update since I’m at work. So excuse me mister! Sorry for keeping it going without your permission.

9:47pm Him: No worries. Apology accepted.

9:49pm Her: That, my dear, was sarcasm.

9:51pm Him: I know. And this, my dear, is you continuing to text. So after 30 minutes it’s obvious that you don’t care that I’m watching the game and you just want what you want. 

10:04pm Her: I’m pissed off that you’re actually trying to scold me. I’ll know next time not to choose you to text during my first break of the day. 

Who messed that up? Was the guy being mean? Because you and I both know that’s what she feels. Was he being insensitive? Or was he being honest they way women always ask for? Ya know, “I want a man to keep it real with me.” Where did this go wrong? Or was it no one’s fault and just a clear case of inadvertent miscommunication? Which one?

Here’s another;

Her: I just don’t get you.

Him: What do you mean?

Her: It’s hard to figure you out.

Him: Well, don’t try.

Her: Well excuse me!

Him: I just think that a relationship should be built as a mutually enjoyable evolving experience, not someone treating the other like a mystery or some code that needs to be cracked. All you need to “figure out” will be figured out as we grow together.

Her: Whatever

She doesn’t like what was said to her. Was he being insensitive and callous? Was he being mean and showing no compassion? Or was he being honest and forthright? Or again… Was this just a simple misfire in communication?

Here’s one more;

Her: I’m hungry babe. Let’s grab a bite to eat.

Him: Cool, what do you have a taste for?

Her: I don’t know something quick.

Him: Well, there are all the fast food restaurants nearby from McDonald’s to Burger King to Wendy’s and even a Checkers.

Her: Nah, I don’t want fast food.

Him: Hmmm… How about Subway or Quiznos? That’s not as fast as fast food but still fast.

Her: Nah, I just had a sandwich yesterday.

Him: Well, what about Golden Crust or Boston Market?

Her: Nah, that’s a little too heavy.

Him: (Slightly annoyed) Well, I’m down for any one of those, you let me know what you want.

Her: What’s with the attitude?

We know where this one is headed. Who messed up?? Or maybe no one did.

You may or may not remember, I posted 2 blogs that touched on this topic in a similar way. One was called Spoiled Bratz and the other was called Vagina 8.0. All I’m asking is, how do we make this right?!?!?

-Kel Spencer

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FRξSH PЯINCξ OF BЯOOKLYN | iLoveJesus | American Music Award Winning Writer | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | #ChixDigMe | GGA | #TeamNoBoxes | QB of The Urban Experience| Warrior Poet |
 
 
 
 

#SPENCERISM- Summer’s Over

Posted: August 22, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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Yup, it’s pretty much over…

Start pulling the sweaters and track jackets out. You might be able to get away with shorts and long sleeves for a couple more weeks but it’s pretty much a wrap. It was Hot, It was Fun, It was Quick (#Pause)… and now it’s over. Isn’t it amazing how the changing of a season… which we all knew would come, because it happens every year, can change your mood? Or your attitude? Or even things we think about? Pretty interesting stuff… And that is exactly why I want to focus on one of the most profound statements that I’ve heard in a long time. The statement came from a very good friend of mine and it goes like this:

“I cannot seriously commit to a person until I’ve dated them in each of the seasons.” 

Now I must admit, upon hearing this, I initially had the forehead wrinkles while thinking, “What in the Dickens are you talking about?” but upon further review… This makes ABSOLUTE SENSE!!! It makes sense both literally and figuratively. Wanna know how? I’m glad you asked…

Literally- Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall each have their own distinct characteristics. Some people love the summer heat and during those months it’s almost impossible to rain on their parade because they’re in such a great mood. Then you have people, like some of my educator friends, who go through a bit of anxiety at the end of Summer because school is about to start and I’m sure that holds all kinds of emotions and thoughts. Some people love the Spring & Fall because there’s a balance in heat VS cool breeze. There’s more of a variety in what they can wear outside and the leaves and scenery just appear to be more colorful. And there are some wackos out there…. oops I mean, people out there who are in love with the snow and blistering cold weather (I guess you can tell which season I dislike the most lol). But a high point of the winter is that good ole cuffin’ lifestyle. You get to stay in and watch movies with hot drinks and warm food a nice pretty young lady wearing some stretch pants and your button down shirt who likes collar-bone kisses and she takes her hands and… I mean, I mean… ya know… Well, yeah that’s winter O_0 *Ahem, anyway….

Figuratively- People go through all types of seasons in their lives. You may go through a financial season in which you have more cash on hand than normal, and you feel good about that OR you might be struggling to make ends meet and the ends don’t seem like they want to meet… still and all that’s a season. A person might be going through an emotional season where they feel withdrawn from the world and maybe even from God. They may be battling depression or mood swings that aren’t the most pleasant. A person might be in the middle of a creative season where ideas are just flowing OR the opposite where they just can’t seem to come up with anything that works.

These are seasons of a person’s life that YOU need to be paying attention to when dating someone and BEFORE fully committing to them. It pains me to see how little people know about each other but call themselves in a relationship or engaged or even married!!! The feelings and emotions and whether or not they watch Basketball Wives with you and how much you like their dimples and whether or not they wear True Religions is all good but let’s smarten up. That first time a person says, “I love you” don’t be ashamed to (tastefully) ask them what their definition of love is. Joker, I need to know what you think love is before I just willingly accept it and progress with it. When a person is going through tough times watch how they respond to that adversity… Do they let you in? Do they share? Are they a total monster? Pay attention to all of that because you are not committing to just the good parts of a person. You’re committing to their totality of being. Welp, I just wanted to share a little Monday Mediation with my family… And I hope you share it with yours, I’m sure you know of somebody who can use this.

And I really want to congratulate my friend Mainee whose mouF this quote came from. She’s about to embark upon some new things and a new season in her life and I’m extremely happy for her…

Talk to me…

 

-Kel Spencer

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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 3

Posted: August 4, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: , , , , , ,

And Again… I am NOT a relationship expert…

However, You already know about the 6th sense thingy… Especially if you’ve already read Sex Language Pt. 1  AND Sex Language Pt. 2. If you have, then you already know where this is going. If not, click and read Parts 1 and 2 and then join the rest of us as I try to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing.“

Translation- On most cases, something is bothering them and they either want you to be more compassionate in your asking to really have a conversation about it OR they want you to sit and think about what you might’ve done (or not done) in the last 24 hours that has them feeling in a way. If you figure out what it is, address it with an apology EVEN if you feel it’s a small thing in your mind. It may be huge to them so don’t minimize it if you find out what it is.

Scenario #2- Person 1 can sense that something is bothering their mate so they ask them what’s wrong. The mate responds with, “Nothing… Why? What makes you ask?“

Translation- In most cases, nothing is really bothering them OR it may be something that isn’t related to the relationship. In that case, just back off because it might be your own guilty conscience OR if it’s something unrelated to the relationship, they’ll probably come around and talk about it later.

Scenario #3- A Female, outta the blue starts a sentence with the words, “Don’t you wanna…” OR “Don’t you feel like…“

Translation- This is what I feel like doing and I’d suggest that you feel like doing it too. Fellas, if it’s within reason, DO IT! A- You’ll probably end up somewhat enjoying it anyway. B- She’ll hold it against you if you don’t. C- It comes with being in a relationship. You have to do certain things that you don’t want to, so you might as well just do it.

Scenario #4- A male and female get into a dispute about… I don’t know… let’s say… Where to have dinner. And in that dispute, she randomly says something like, “I bet you if I was that little skinny girl from your job, you wouldn’t be arguing me down about where to have dinner.“

Translation- I don’t like her presence as it pertains to our relationship. A- I am very insecure and I would like for you to do something about making me feel secure with my space in your life as it compares to women like her OR B- I am a very secure woman but I just don’t like the way that you 2 interact and it needs to stop and it’s been bothering me for a while so I’m using a silly debate over which restaurant as a means to bring it up. Nevermind, where this came from or what this has to do with dinner, or the fact that you don’t even know which skinny girl I’m talking about… JUST FIX IT!

Scenario #5- The person you are with, either locks their phone or keeps it face down when you’re around.

Translation- I have some stuff going on in or through my phone that I don’t want you to know about. At that time, it’s on you to decide if you’re willing to put up with that or not. Technically (Unless you’re married) it’s THEIR PHONE and they don’t have to share anything with you. And if that’s the attitude that they have then you have to decide whether or not you want to deal with that. They may change… They may not change… That’s on you!

Scenario #6- A person says to the other, with a slight attitude, You always do such and such OR You never do such and such…

Translation- Whatever follows that “Always” or that “Never” needs to be paid attention to. Whether the person is accurate or not with what their saying is one thing. But the other thing is that, whatever they’re saying you always or never do, is starting to get on their nerves. You might’ve only done it 2 times but it’s obvious that a past relationship or maybe even they way they were brought up, has made them annoyed when it comes to this issues, whatever this issue may be. At the point in time, whatever is being said that’s always or never done. needs to be addressed in truth and at the root.

Scenario #7- The female wants the male to meet her father or uncle or brothers or some type of “Male Guardian” figure in her life.

Translation- She wants you, Bro! At least in most cases. With that being said, it’s up to you to either go forth since it’s obvious that she wants to walk in the direction of getting more serious OR It’s on you to find a way to distance yourself from that situation or at least slow things down a bit. And here’s a hint… It’s hard to slow things down a bit, if you want to keep exchanging bodily fluids with her.

Scenario #8- I’m just waiting on my soulmate…

Now, only the mature and truthful people will agree with this one…

Translation- I’ve arrived… Often times, people who say the above, feel like they have MOST of their stuff together and now it’s just a matter of time or spiritual intervention until their match comes along. I’m not saying that they think they’re perfect. But they have subscribed to the miraculous notion that God has chosen someone for them and that they are the person chosen in return and by some supernatural alignment, they will meet up with this person. You were blessed with a mind, common sense, experiences, intuition, wisdom, gut feelings, council, and a whole bunch of other stuff that can be used when making choices and decisions. For God to Bless you with all of these things AND THEN come and make a decision for you is a bit much don’t you think? In no way, do I want to push my spiritual beliefs on you but… Men and women have sex and release biological particles that join each other as a means to conceive a child. God interrupted that regular cycle for the sake of birthing Christ in what we call a miracle. The sea is a strong force of water that has waves and currents and all that jazz. God interrupted that regular flow for the sake of Moses parting the sea in what we call a miracle. I do believe that God can do all things. I also believe that some relationships may have an anointing while others may just be a wreck from the beginning. But to say that God has a person chosen for you is a but much… In the book that I read, Adam was the only person that God had someone chosen for and it never happened again. So if you are sitting around waiting for a miracle as it pertains to your relationship, I wish you well with that. I might be a bit presumptuous in saying this but… Don’t expect a person waiting on their soulmate to be the most proactive and rational person in a relationship.

Scenario #9- Person A has a habit of meeting Person B at the hang out spot rather than picking them up.

Translation- I enjoy your company for what it is but I’m not really that into you beyond that. It might get there later on but I see a reason to keep us from getting to a certain level of intimacy but I still enjoy doing whatever we do when we get together in person.

Scenario #10- Person A looks Person B in the eye and says, “I don’t want to be hurt.“

Translation- Be concerned. Why? Because most “normal” people don’t want to be hurt. People don’t walk around making it known that they don’t want to be shot. Nor do they walk around making it know that they don’t want to have a bird doo doo on their head. Why? Because it’s a given! So if a person has to go as far as actually saying it to you then A- They already see something in you that might hurt them OR B- They are that needy and frail that you will spend a more than normal amount of time and energy tending to their security. And that may not be a bad thing depending on what you’re into but just know that more times than not, that will be a part of your bond.

Well, since we’re talking about all this male/female interaction, check out my latest Single “Aspirations.” Some of you have probably already seen on a blog or two but this is the first installment of my next project called The Appetizer. Just look to your left and listen there.. And of course I’m always down for feedback…

Anyway,

I still need that feedback on what you just read, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
Follow Me on Twitter @KelSpencer (personal) and @THEKELEIDOSCOPE (events & announcements)
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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 2

Posted: June 22, 2011 in Just Sharing...
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Again… I am NOT a relationship expert…

However, I think I’ve been blessed with a 6th sense in understanding how to speak womanese, and how to decode the communication matrix between men and women but I am by far no expert. If you’ve already read Sex Language Pt. 1 then you already know where this is going. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m the guy who most of my peoplez come to for answers. I’m in the process of talking with a few of your favorite magazines, radio stations and blogs to launch a syndicated Forum which will be entertaining, hilarious and informative all at the same time. It’ll allow people to share their real life stories and then I’ll answer in an “If it were me…” type fashion. But we’ll deal with that later on… FOR NOW!!!! I want to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1- Guy and Girl start talking online. They look through each other’s pics and like what they see (at least enough to continue talking). They, eventually get to the level of exchanging phone numbers and/or e-mails and/or blackberry pins etc… The female has over 30 pics of herself in her facebook albums that the gentleman has already seen yet he still sends her a text that reads… “Hey, send me a pic of yourself right now.” She replies with, “You’ve already seen me on facebook.” Let’s stop right here…

Translation- All of your pics on FB were from the shoulders up OR with you standing behind something OR they’re clearly from a few years ago because you’re backstage with Petey Pablo so… I need to know what you look like RIGHT NOW so if/when we meet in person, I’m not surprised by anything “extra” you might have going on.

 

Scenario #2- A Dude says, “I’m not looking for a relationship.“

Translation- He means it. I don’t care what his actions show you, or how he makes you feel, or what else he may or may not be saying, unless he says the words, “I wasn’t before but now I want to be in a relationship” He DOES NOT want to be in a relationship and/or have a title and/or be committed to any one individual.

 

Scenario #3- A Female says, “I’m not looking for a relationship.“

Translation- She’s lying. LoL! Ok, Ok… She might really mean that but 8.7 out of 10 times she doesn’t really mean that. Women know that men don’t want to have “commitment” talk on the first date so it’s smart for her to seem like she’s just window shopping and browsing so she doesn’t scare the fella off. If she’s in a transition in her life (ie career, school, major choices, just got out of a relationship, etc…) then she really might not be looking for a relationship right now but in MOST cases, when she says, “I’m not looking” she really is. Ladies, y’all can try to debate that all you want!

 

Scenario #4- Guy and Gal are out eating. The guy eats with his mouth open and/or smacks his gums when he eats. Female slaps him on the hand gently while smiling and says, “That food might escape while you’re chewing, you better close your mouth and make sure it doesn’t, Ha Ha Ha!“

Translation- If we do indeed get in a relationship, this WILL eventually be an argument. Get control over your table manners and your mouF mechanics NOW because no person who I call my man will behave in that manner. I’m being nice about it now, but I won’t forever.

 

Scenario #5- Do you think I look chubby in this? Or do you think I should wear the Red or the Blue shoes?

Ya know what… I’mma leave this one alone for right now…

 

Scenario #6- The guy tells the woman, “I Love You.“

Ok, this is an intricate one…

Translation- A- I know that telling you this is gonna make you eat it up and allow me to get something that I want OR B- I really do love you but loving you does not mean that I want to be with you.

Side Bar- In the Greek Language, there are different words for love. AGAPE- Is the type of love that God has for us and us for God. EROS- Is an erotic/sexual love that a man would have for his woman and vice versa. PHILIA or PHILEO- Is a friendship love or a Brotherly Love (Hence the city of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia). STORGE- Is an affectionate love like Eros but more along the lines of what a Parent has for their child. The Greek philosopher, Plato, even said that it is possible to love a person for who they are but without being physically attracted and that’s where we get the term, PLATOnic love.

With that being said, I might be at the point that I appreciate the person that you are so much, and care for you so much that I do love you and want to express it but due to the limits of the english language, I only have one word to use… and that word is LOVE. So when I say I love you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should think that I am now going to make attempts to be in a relationship with you. It doesn’t mean that you should run back to your girlfriends and blow up the situation into what you hope it means. Now, we can definitely have a conversation about what I mean when I say “I love you” but don’t assume.

 

Scenario #7- The female asks the male out a few times and he almost never accepts OR he’s always busy OR he never asks her out.

Translation- He just not that into you. Maybe he was at one point. Maybe he just liked the idea of you at one point in time but now he doesn’t. Maybe you ended up being something different from what he expected. Maybe he viewed you as just a jump off at one point and now he sees that you’re worth a lot more but he’s not ready for “a lot more” so he’s falling back. Maybe you are the jumpoff he expected you to be and you gave him a “Package” (<~ click for definition) already so he’s done here. Regardless of the reason, if he is not making it abundantly clear that you are a part of his priorities then it is what it is. Your optimism and fantasy and aggressiveness might end up being a turn off or annoying to him. *Jamaican accent… JUS LEFF IT NUH!

Scenario #8- A guy and a girl are dating. They go on maybe one or two dates. Somewhere in there she meets some of his friends and family and starts calling his male friends “Bro” and his female friends “Sis.” The guy then notices that she has befriended them all on Facebook and Twitter and asking for Blackberry Pins and all that jazz. And please know, that this can and does happen the other way around…

Translation- When a female does is too soon, she’s flat out making herself at home and for whatever reason, she feels like your relationship is headed in that direction. And if it doesn’t work out, at least she will have HIS family as part of her cheering squad OR… The chick is just flat out crazy. When a guy does this too soon, he most likely is trying to win some type of popularity contest as weird as that sounds. There’s a slim chance that he does want to be with you and he’s making himself at home but most likely, that’s not the case and is just feeding his desire to be liked by them all regardless of what happens between you and him.

 

Scenario #9- A “good morning” and/or “good night” text… on a consistent or semi consistent basis.

Translation- I’m definitely digging you. It may not be to the point of wanting to exchange bodily fluids but I’m feeling you.

 

Matter of fact…. I’ll do it.

Scenario #5- Do you think I look chubby in this? Or do you think I should wear the Red or the Blue shoes?

I’m not really going to give a “translation” per se’ but I will give my opinion on how to answer this.

Do not be BRUTALLY honest. Be honest but not brutally. If she’s asking this, it’s because A- She already knows she looks fat, so she doesn’t need you to confirm it OR B- She is on the fence about how she thinks she looks in that outfit and would like for you to provide the security and confidence that she might be missing. So gently steer her towards another suggestion. The way to do that “gently” depends on the woman so there’s no general way on how to do that but you can’t give your opinion without offering an attractive suggestion. I’d say to keep a mental picture of the 3 or 4 outfits that you love her in and when this type of thing comes up, you’ll already have a solid place to take the conversation. You can’t really lose by watching her look annoyed in the mirror… walking up behind her… touching her affectionately and cutting her off before she even asks a “fat” question with, “Babe, I think that outfit is cute but I really like the XYZ on you, it makes your skin tone look delicious” followed by acollar-bone kiss. Even if she doesn’t like your suggestion, more times than not it will take you away from the “fat” arena and towards another outfit. And after you dodge that bullet, you make your business sometime in the near future to somehow suggest working out, lol!

And as far as the shoes goes, If she asks Red or Blue and you suggest Blue, please know that she may still very well choose the Red ones. Know this in advance so you won’t even get annoyed by it. “Well, if you know you like the Red ones why ask for my opinion?” Is the question that will NOT get answered in a way that is satisfying to you so don’t even ask it, my brother. You’re just gonna have to swallow situations like this. The more you swallow them, the less they’ll bother you. And yes ladies… we know, we know… this can happen the other way around too, yes, we know. But typically, we know the way this type of scenario goes hence the analogy.

Scenario #10- Nah, I’ll stop here… I did my part. I always do my part… Do yours… It pains me that some of you still don’t have Salon Stories, on which I touch on topics like this in between the music, smh… DO THAT!!! Pick just one song or avail yourself to the whole album. You’ll be Blessed by it, Trust Me! It’s on itunes, or rhapsody OR have a hard copy with artwork and track listing and photos delivered to you via Amazon. It’s up to you.

Whether you do or don’t, I still need that feedback, people!!! C’mon, you know how we do!! LoL

-Kel Spencer

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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Sex Language Pt. 1

Posted: June 1, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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I am NOT a relationship expert…

I think I’ve been blessed with a 6th sense in understanding how to speak womanese, and how to decode the communication matrix between men and women but I am by far no expert. I am, however, the guy who most of my peoplez come to for answers. Which is why I am in talks with a few of your favorite magazines, radio stations and blogs to launch a syndicated Forum which will be entertaining, hilarious and informative all at the same time. It’ll allow people to share their real life stories and then I’ll answer in an “If it were me…” type fashion. But we’ll deal with that later on… FOR NOW!!!! I want to answer one question. It’s a question I mostly get asked by women but about 30% of the time, men do ask me too. The question is… “What does it mean when they say…

Scenario #1: Guy and Girl have been talking for a while. There may or may not be an attraction there. He says, “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now,” and a few days later they have sex.

Translation: He still is NOT looking for a relationship. Unless something drastically changes and/or he actually asks you to be in a committed relationship, you have just potentially entered the “Jumpoff zone” aka the “Friends with Benefits Box.” If that’s fine with you, then stay. If that’s not cool, RUN!

(more…)

#SPENCERISM- Let’s Hook Up

Posted: April 20, 2011 in Just Sharing...
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Look at yourself… No, seriously… Look at yourself. What I mean is, what are you connected to? What are you hooked up to?

Check this out… Most trees begin to sprout leaves in the Spring. These leaves then fully bloom by the Summer. It’s the rain, and the sunlight that get the Xylem and Phloem (aka Tree Blood, lol) flowing and that’s what feeds the leaves and creates a union between the leaf and the tree. The better the connection between the tree and the leaf, the more healthy the leaf looks. When the Fall and Winter months come around, the Xylem and Phloem slow up and that’s what causes leaves to turn yellow… then orange… then brown… and then die from being disconnected to the tree. So, I ask you what are you hooked up to? What are you connected to? Is it making you green and rich? Or making you brown and closer and closer to death? Before you answer that…

Let’s take it a step further… The average person may look at a grapevine and see the big green leaves and flourishing vines and naturally assume that the vine is fruitful. However, big green leaves sometimes block sunlight. This blockage hurts the production and growth of more fruit. Our lives are the same way. We may have things and people around us that, from the outside looking in, appear to be helping and adding to us when they’re actually keeping us from developing more fruit. Pruning, is getting rid of the excess in order to produce more fruit. The same way a vine dresser prunes his vines, God does the same for us. Life sometimes needs to prune us, more times than not it hurts.

So again, I challenge you to ask yourself, what is my relationship hooked up to? Is it hooked up to a genuine desire for us to please each other in a righteous way? Or is it hooked up to, “Oh girl he’s fine” OR “Man, I just gotta have her“? What are your finances hooked up to? Are you in crazy debt and living check to check? Or have you created a plan to Spend, Save & Invest wisely? What is your health hooked up to? Are you eating right, and working out? Or do you just expect obesity and heart disease to just skip over you because you’re a “good” person? What is your spiritual life hooked up to?

Take a minute and Click ~> HERE <~ for a FREE download of a song I did a while back called “Searching” (Featuring Regal) off of the Brooklyn Spartans Mixtape. You can actually watch a live performance of it ~> HERE <~ as well. I think that song is a good theme song for you to listen to while you look at the different areas of your life and tell yourself the truth… Are you happily hooked up in a healthy way or do you need some pruning in certain areas to keep your fruit intact and your leaves from turning brown?

Your thoughts?

-Kel Spencer

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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MY BROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Vagina 8.0

Posted: April 7, 2011 in I'm Saying. I just wanna know
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Ok, So…

I recently posed the question “Who is easier to understand, Men or Women?” Out of hundreds of replies, 2 people said Women, 3 people said neither, and I found that VERY INTERESTING. There were even a few dozen women who exclaimed, “Women don’t even understand Women!!” LoL!!! Some of them even said, “That’s why women don’t get along with each other. It’s true in Work environments, It’s true in families, It’s true in female prisons VS male prisons.” HA!! That is just hilarious to me. And these are women saying these things! It’s almost like women need to come with a manual and instructions… Like women are the complex species, LoL! I joke, I joke…

But what isn’t a joke is that I feel the exact same way. Here are a few examples:

Her: Babe, You hungry? What do you have a taste for?

Him: Ummm… How about Chinese?

Her: Meh, I don’t want Chinese.

Him: Ok, how about Italian?

Her: Nah, I just had that 2 days ago.

Him: Ok, so what do you want?

Her: I don’t know, that’s why I asked you   O_o

Her: Hey babe, what’s wrong? What happened at work today?

Him: *Sigh, Man, my boss is just getting on my nerves.

***Reverse

Him: Hey babe, what’s wrong? What happened at work today?

Her: *Sigh, *Tear drop… Nothing

Him: Babe, do you think I can still fit on this?

Her: Ha! Boy, if you don’t put that Large down and put on that XXL, I’mma beat you! You ain’t 21 anymore.

Him: Ha! You’re right. I’mma get my sexy back by the summer though, you watch!

***Reverse

Her: Babe, how do you think I look in this?

Him: *Deep breath, Ummm… I… I think that blue one looks better. I like you in the blue.

Her: You think I’m fat don’t you. Well, everybody can’t look like your little chicken head co-workers!!! You know what? That’s why I don’t like going out with you!

LoL! Of course some of those analogies were a bit extreme and animated…

Or were they?

The consensus on Men being easier to understand, BY NO MEANS, makes us the superior gender. Men being easier to read, BY NO MEANS, makes us better. But it does… well it SHOULD speak to a new approach that we all might want to take a look at. For example…

If I am a college and I offer finger painting as one of my courses, I’m almost sure that MOST of the students who take the class will get an A, And almost no one will fail. But if I offer Nuclear Physics, I’m going to have tutors, and extra help in place because I know that the complexity of that class will require me having extra reinforcements in place for those who truly want to pass. With that being said, do women deal with men in such a way that extra reinforcements are already in place to aid him in his understanding? Or is that even needed? Some women may say, “He has a mother, and maybe sisters and I’m sure he has female friends so he can learn all he needs to learn with them before I even meet him.” And that may or may not be true. But what I do know is, generally, women complain about men “Not getting it” or “Not understanding them” far more than men complain about women not understanding men. It makes me wonder if this female complexity is part of the reason (not all of it, PART OF THE REASON) why men typically take longer to commit. I know for a fact, if I was sitting in the registrar’s office, I’d pick finger painting, and phys ed waaaaaaay quicker than I’d pick  Thermodynamic Theory, but that’s just me!

So is it that A- Men are just not as smart? And we’re lazy? And we don’t want to put in the work that it takes to understand and truly cooperate with a woman? Or B- Do women NOT realize that the consensus is that they are more complex? Or C- Do women realize that the consensus is that they’re more complex, yet they still think it’s a man’s job to step his game up and she shouldn’t have to be patient with him and/or accommodate him in his trying to understand her?

Talk to me… Oh, and for those who like to call, e-mail, text, BBM me, etc… in regards to these topics, I’m no longer entertaining those. There’s a space below for you to share, laugh, debate, pose questions, challenge, etc… This is entertainment but it’s also a chance to learn and possibly help someone. So if you want to hit me privately about what I post, do it after you’ve already posted it here and YES you can do it anonymously. Not being mean or arrogant, just being Real. Ok, so let’s have it….

-Kel Spencer

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God’s Favorite Emcee | Warrior Poet | 1/2 of Writing Duo ME & MYBROTHER | Lover of all non sucky stuff | Satan.Hater | #ChixDigMe | QB of The Urban Experience | #TeamNoBoxes

#SPENCERISM- Independent Women? What?!?

Posted: January 19, 2011 in I just thought you should know, Just Sharing..., Maybe it's just me but ummm...
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Now, why in the world would I want an INDEPENDENT WOMAN???

This is one of the silliest concepts I’ve ever heard of.

Independent-  1. Free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others.

2. Not determined or influenced by someone or something else; not contingent: a decision independent of the outcome of  the study.

3. Not dependent on or affiliated with an additional entity.

When someone or a country or an entity, makes a DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, it normally means that they wish to be affiliated with no one else. Granted, most of the time, this declaration is made because they are tired of the way they’ve been treated but it’s still the decision, plan, and action towards being left ALONE, for the most part.

Why would I want to be with someone who feels like they don’t need me?

Why would I want to be with someone who wants to be left alone?

How harmonious can a relationship with if one person says, “I love the very air that you breathe” and the other says, “I’m glad you like it but, I ain’t breathing your air. This is my air.“

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for a woman who has her own money, and a job, and great self-esteem, and goals, and drive, and a plan, and is secure in herself, and all that jazz but that’s called SELF SUFFICIENT… Those things do not mean the same as INDEPENDENT (a person who wants to do things on their own). I even respect a woman who takes the initiative to handle certain things without the reliance of a man, but to have the overall attitude if I’m Independent is a horrible mistake and is probably part of the reason that some professional women run into the, “Men are intimidated by my success” factor. YOU DAMN SKIPPY!

*Side note- Some of the males that you encounter are indeed little boys in men’s bodies so let’s not lose sight of that. I am well aware that, that’s a contributing factor as well.

God put Adam here… He then created Eve out of Adam’s rib. It was then Adam’s job to guide Eve through the garden, and give her a tour, and show her around. I can see them now, holding hands, strolling through Eden with Adam saying, “Look Baby, those are giraffes… And look over there sweetie, these are what you call flowers and mountains… Oh, Oh… And look, these are Lions. Yup, God gave US (not me but US) dominion over all of this. And it’s our job to take care of it and increase it.” Could you imagine if Eve said, “Joker, I don’t need a man to show me around this garden! I got this!” What man wants to hear that? It’s in a man’s nature to be a source of guidance, and protection, and strength, and provision. So your Independent rants are pretty much telling us, “Look, Boy… I know what’s in your nature and what you’re naturally designed to do but leave all that at the door and wipe of your shoes before you walk in here.” That’s like a man telling a woman, “After we have our baby, I want you to give the baby to my mother because she’s done it before and I don’t really need you to take care of our first-born. I know it’s in your nature to nurture and be a source of affection to our firstborn child but your services won’t really be needed in that department. My mom said she’ll do it.” Is that something you’d wanna hear? I doubt it.

I was blessed to learn how to do a lot of things that the average male doesn’t know how to do from the small things like cooking and sewing and being domestic, to being empathetic to women, to knowing how to apply a shampoo & conditioner, to knowing how to put in rollers/blow dry hair out/apply a wrap, and rocking a baby to sleep. And I think that’s a good thing. But you will never find me even giving the hint to my woman that she is not needed or that I am just the same and/or better off without her, even if it is true! That does not make for a healthy union and will definitely intimidate… well maybe not intimidate but it will make the woman feel stripped of her assets when it comes to being with a man who makes her feel that way. And these might be assets that she’s proud of.

***KS the shampoo boy, LoL!!!***

Salon Stories Project, Coming Soon…

In getting to a know a person, they can tell by your actions, and words, and your vibe that you have your head on straight, and that you can do for yourself but there’s no need to wave a flag that says in big bold letters, “Sure, we can be in relationship but I just need you to hear with both of your ears and your eyes, that I’m Independent and I don’t really need you!” That’s just bananas to me.

Self Sufficient? All Day…..     Independent? Womp Womp

Anyway…. If you’ll be in the NYC area in Mid-Late February and would like to attend the soon coming FREE shoot/show, (Read What is #FPBK for details) please send a quick e-mail to 3HirdPowerEvents@gmail.com with “#FPBK Show/Shoot” as the title and info will be sent to you soon. In supporting this movement, you are indeed supporting me but more importantly, you’re supporting yourself…

Gimme your thoughts!!!!

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
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God’s Favorite Emcee, Warrior Poet, Pen.Man, Satan Hater, Ice cream Lover, Quarterback of The Urban Experience & chicks dig me too…

#SPENCERISM- All Parents & Future Parents!

Posted: November 9, 2010 in I'm Saying. I just wanna know
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Meet the Parents like a mug… lol

So… First off, I wanna thank you all for the Birthday wishes!!! Damn it feels good to be a gangsta… LoL! Yeah right… Ok so…

I’ve had a situation fall into my lap that I want your feedback on. Let’s just say you’re dating someone who is all that you want them to be, and it looks like it could end up being a Great Relationship. You visit eachother’s homes, you hang out, you hang in, and all that good stuff. You go to their house one day and one of their parents is there… The parent walks past you and doesn’t speak at all… How do you handle that?

Or let’s say, the parent speaks sometimes and not others… Yet, the parent is open and warm with everyone else but you, How do you handle that? Do you laugh it off and ignore them?

Keep in mind, you’re a decent person. You’re not a threat to society. You don’t bring bad energy around. You wear clean socks and the whole deal but this person is doing things that could possibly drive a wedge in the relationship with you and your significant other, and you seem to be the only one that notices… Or at least the only one who it seems to matter to.

Or let’s say, your significant other’s relative does things like… Come to an area of the house where only you and your mate are, and they speak to ONLY your mate (Not you) and then keep it moving. How would you handle that? Do you look to your mate to dissolve the obvious?

Or what if the reverse happened and it was your relative who was overtly rude to the person you’re dating, What would you do? Would you speak to the relative on behalf of your mate or maybe let your mate know that the person isn’t even worth speaking to and tell your mate to just pay the relative no attention?

Or maybe the rude relative has a perfectly good reason for being rude to your mate… But you just don’t feel uncomfortable telling your mate the reason why the rude relative is being the rude relative to them. Then what??

What about things like a future family… What if your mate didn’t want your rude relative around in the future. That might cause a bit of a separation in your family if your rude relative isn’t allowed at certain events… but is your mate wrong for that? Would you let it get that far? What would you do?

I find these types of scenarios interesting and I have my opinion but I would love to know what most of you think. And I’m almost sure a great deal of you have been and/or are in a situation like this so please share, lol!!

Also, If you’ll be in the NYC area in Mid January and would like to attend the soon coming FREE shoot/show, (Read my last post entitled What is #FPBK for details) please send a quick e-mail to 3HirdPowerEvents@gmail.com with “#FPBK Show/Shoot” as the title and info will be sent to you soon. In supporting this movement, you are indeed supporting me but more importantly, you’re supporting yourself…

But like I said… Gimme your feedback, folks!

-Kel Spencer

Subscribe for FREE over there, under “Keep In Touch…“
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God’s Favorite Emcee, Warrior Poet, Pen.Man, Satan Hater, Ice cream Lover, Quarterback of The Urban Experience & chicks dig me too…
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