Posts Tagged ‘Black Women’

#SPENCERISM- Exhibit A-Z

Posted: August 17, 2011 in Maybe it's just me but ummm...
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Have you ever blushed and covered your eyes as a child, while accidentally walking in on your parents slow dancing in the kitchen?

 

Have you ever come in the house from playing outside and your parents are nowhere to be found but as you walk towards the bathroom you hear the shower water running, and both of their voices coming from the bathroom? That kinda gave you the same weird/blushy feeling too, huh…

 

Or what about when they first sat you down for that “Birds, Bees, Flowers & Trees” talk and while you could hear their words, your mind couldn’t help but fancy the idea that they both had done this… and done this plenty!?!?

They love each other. And it’s unfortunate that  not enough children get to experience these weird, blushy feelings. It’s unfortunate that not enough children (or teenagers) get to experience that Exhibit A-Z kind of love. But Kel, why do you call it Exhibit A-Z love? I’m glad you asked;

Two people meet each other. They like each other. They trust each other. They grow to love each other. They decide to be committed to each other. They vow to be with each other forever, even despite the hard times and flaws. Then eventually, they create evidence of their bond. Whether an “accident” or planned out, they create a life. That life is Exhibit A-Z of everything that they’ve put into their love for each other, and everything that they plan to put into their newborn child. Not a “One Night Stand” Exhibit… Not an “Ooops, We were drunk” Exhibit… Not a “Well, how do you know it’s mine, I mean after all it was a group thang” Exhibit… And not one of those “Wait, I thought you were on the pill” OR “OMG, How did this happen?” Exhibits. Don’t get me wrong, all of the aforementioned exhibits produce beautiful people… positive people… world-changing and good-hearted people. But there is a certain security that often comes with being raised as an Exhibit A-Z child that I wish we all would think more about, before A- choosing a mate and B- deciding to have sex with them. Obviously, waiting until you’re married is what the standard is and what it should be in the ideal world. But if you fall short of that (which 98% of us have) there should come a time when the ONLY people you should be having sex with, are people who you can see yourself creating an Exhibit A-Z with. Why? Because you, your mate and the child, all deserve that type of environment… and because ACCIDENTS HAPPEN… ie The Maury Povich Show! So what made me post this? I’m glad you asked…

Just like last week’s post, I was talking to the little homie Dee again, and somehow this topic came up. I’m not sure how many of you want to admit this or are even aware of this but the first world that you are introduced to is, your household. When that world does not supply you with the love and security that you are naturally in need of, you will try to find it elsewhere. Lack of love and insecurity due to an absence of these at home, is the root of why street gangs and promiscuity (male & female) thrive! Does that mean that if you don’t get these things you automatically end up a Crip or a Stripper? No, that’s not what I’m saying. Some of our most prominent human figures and some of my best friends and favorite people come from “broken” and/or non-Exhibit A-Z homes however, a home that strays further and further away from the Exhibit A-Z model, has less of a chance of feeding its children the soul food and spirit food that the child needs. I’m guessing that this is why God did the whole Adam & Eve scenario and not an EBT & Eve scenario… One is just more ideal than the other.

Love is the most powerful force on the planet. Just like any other force, when it’s guided and focused in a specific direction (even if it has flaws) it can be used in an amazing way (ie a river or a laser). But when there is no focus, nor boundaries, nor specific direction this force can and will be in a chaotic sporadic state and that does almost everyone no good (ie hurricane, tornado or Tazmanian Devil lol). Specifically, I look at women in this situation. Why? Because I like looking at women : ) LoL! No, seriously… reason being, because what’s commonly missing from the household and inhibiting the Exhibit A-Z model is men. Waaaaaaaaaay too many fathers are missing. (See You Black Women, Smh). A result of this is A- Too many women looking too many places for love and security, B- Too many women forming this “I don’t need a man” mentality, which can make it harder than it needs to be when a man does finally come along and try to love you, C- Too many women settling for any ole dude who comes along and halfway, kinda, sorta, shows some affection.

I have friends from other races, ethnicities, faiths and backgrounds. And we often talk, and we make it a point to talk about the things that might make us all a little uncomfortable and might even offend each other but we do it out of love, ie My God is better than your God, and why do your people do XYZ, Yeah… those kinds of talks. Something was asked in one of these talks. The question was, “Why do so many black women seem so angry?” I was not offended when they asked me that. Not at all. Why? Because whether I agree with them or not, I can see why they would perceive that. I can see where they would get that from. And my answer to them was simple… “Because black women are hurting.” Anger is a secondary emotion. When you expect something, especially something that is rightfully yours (like love & security from home), and then you don’t get it, it hurts. And when you’re hurt deep enough and longer than you’d like, as a human, you will become angered. A lot of the neck rolling, finger snapping, “I don’t need no man” proclaiming, Reality show drink splashing, 3 & 4 Baby daddy having, I can drop-it drop-it lower than you for some money shouting women are hurt. Not all, but a nice amount of them. Too many of them weren’t presented to the world as Exhibit A-Z babies and whether they want to admit it or not… or if they even know it or not, something like that can stick with you, especially if it’s sticking with you in an unhealthy manner.

Before I end, I see in people’s comments and tweets and Facebook messages and BBM texts how people can mis-interpret words or become sensitive about an area that wasn’t even touched on so I’ll take this time to clear up any of that NOW:

“I know people who had both parents and they’re a hot mess. How do you explain that, Mr. Kel?!?!? Huh?!?” 

KS- Exhibit A-Z does not mean having both parents. It’s deeper than that. It’s when you were born as a result of 2 people planning and consciously deciding that your life will be the evidence of their love for eachother and their love for God and their ongoing commitment to that Love.

“I’m a Black Woman and I’m not angry!”

KS- I didn’t say ALL black women… I didn’t even say MOST black women. #iFiTDontApplyLetiTFly

“That’s wrong, Kel! When your little white boy friend ask about angry black women, how come you didn’t stand up for us and bust him in the mouF for that stereo-type?”

KS- Well, for one, he’s not white. And with all of the stuff on TV and in media and with very few black women doing anything to try to stop it but instead support it, tweet about it, use the phrases in their everyday speech, and rush home to catch it on TV, I can see why he said what he said and I can’t really be mad at him if that’s the extent of his exposure to black women.

I’m almost sure that I’ll have to clarify something else but I wanted to get those out of the way first. No offense…

If you can, create children as evidence and as an exhibit of your love for that other person and your corporate love for God. I can’t think of any better reason to have a child. For some of you, that statement might a little too late, and that’s fine. For some of you, you may disagree and have your own list of better reasons to have a child, and that’s fine too. But for me, when I have children, they will be A- an object of affection for my future wife and I B- a symbol representing the love, sacrifice, and commitment that God has shown me… That I now will show the child as best as I can in return and C- Exhibit A-Z of all the love, dedication, and mutual faith that my future wife and I have for each other and corporately for God. The kid might still end up on a Maury show but I’d like to think that their chances are minimal if/when I take the Exhibit A-Z approach.

 

I’m a writer… Which makes me a thinker… Which potentially makes me a World Changer.

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- You Black Women, Smh…

Posted: August 5, 2010 in Just Sharing...
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This is the reason that I ONLY mess with white women, Smh…

LoL!! I joke, I joke… I love all women all colors, we’re all God’s children so calm down. But seriously, I want to talk about Black Women and some of the difficulties with them. Let’s break it down so it can forever stay broke…

I think it’s safe to say that the ideal situation in a household is for a child to have both parents. There are certain things that a child needs from each parent and from the union of the parents. Unfortunately, with the lack of “fathers” in the black community, this affects our children. Furthermore, when it affects our female children who later grow into women whom I (And other men) choose to date, this inadequacies show up and show up in some not so good ways sometimes. For example…

“My father wasn’t around and I’ve never had to report to a man or let a man know where I’m

going so stop calling and texting, I’mma be where I’m at and we’ll see eachother when I’m

good and ready.”


“My father wasn’t around so it forced me to toughen up when it comes to men because at any given

moment, y’all can just bounce and be on to the next chick. So, I know you say you love me but

my ‘father’ used to say the same thing and I’ve only seen him 4 times in my life so all that love stuff

sounds good but men have a funny way of showing it.”


“Wait… you want to share with me? You want to share your feelings and dreams with me?

HA!! That’s not what men do, you must be a weak man. My father, well what I knew of him, was

in the streets and when I did see him he was beating my mother and me.

That’s a strong man so all of this weak emotional stuff you’re talking is for the birds.”

Some of these may seem a bit far fetched to you. But to some of you, you’ve either said them or experienced someone saying this or something like it. This is a real issue, people. As men, we need to start paying an extra special attention to the way we raise our daughters and the “Man-Models” that we put before the young women. Yes, this applies to the young males too but boys for the most part can bump their head and keep it moving by learning by foolish mistakes… Or can we? I don’t know. But what I do know is that a lot of the “stuff” I’ve encountered with women is rooted in not having a Daddy or from having a poor example of what a Daddy should be. I ask that any women whom this may apply (or who know women whom this applies to) really think about some of your ways, and how they may be rooted in fatherlessness. I don’t expect it to be easy, and may even hurt a little bit but it could be part of your “I can’t find a good man” problem… Maybe, just maybe. And fellas, please be more patient with your woman who may exhibit personality traits that can be rooted in fatherlessness. She may not even realize why she does what she does or says what she says but perhaps you both can read this together as a good ice breaker into digging deep and making some positive changes. Also, if you or someone you know has a daughter (or son) on the way, I’d urge you to really pray and focus on what the true definition of a parent is so that a lot of our foolishness isn’t passed down to the next generation and tearing apart their relationships. After all, look at marriages 100 years ago versus marriages now. See what I mean? Or maybe it’s just me…

-Kel Spencer

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#SPENCERISM- Slim Thug… Mr. Slim Thug

Posted: June 14, 2010 in Just Sharing...
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Men… Women… Relationships… Communication… Perspectives… Blah Blah Blah. I’ve been asked at least 30 times, what’s my view on Slim Thug’s latest comments. (For the complete Slim Thug Vibe Magazine Article Click => HERE <=) On one hand, I am a writer and artist so I Firmly believe in Freedom of Speech and I feel that anyone has the right to speak publicly or privately about any and everything that they want, especially as it pertains to their own experiences and dealings. This man, obviously speaks from things he has seen and gone through first hand. But ummm…

I might bounce all over the place with this post but stay with me y’all:

Love is the willingness to give of yourself at the expense of yourself. The opposite (Not Hate) is Lust which is the desire to give TO yourself at the expense of someone else. A tight grasp on these 2 definitions can go a long way in your relationships. Got that? Cool, now stay with me.

Here’s a short history lesson; Willie Lynch was a slave master in the West Indies in the 1700′s. He gave a speech in Virginia in 1712 showing other slave owners how to control their slaves later called The Willie Lynch Letter. His plan was basically to emasculate the male slaves and (in a sense) separate them from their families. Removing the black man, Publicly embarrassing, beating, punishing and even lynching the black man would cause the rest of the slaves to feel even more vulnerable and weak as they watch the strength of their group be broken. This would also cause the women to step up and take more of an (unnatural) authoritative role within the households causing black children (especially boys) to grow up under mommy rather than mommy and daddy. As time went on, even after slavery, The lynching of the black man… The racial discrimination against the black man… The wrongful imprisonment of the black man… The later/current black on black violence of the black man… The rising rate of AIDS and homosexuality with the black man, etc… have all made black women have to no “fend for themselves.” As the population of ready, willing, able, stable, and productive black men dwindles down, it forces black women to become more independent and even develop the “I don’t really need a man” mentality. And that makes perfect, logical, valid sense. I say all of that to say… The effects of Mr. Willie Lynch’s speech are still present today.

With the odds stacked against black and latino men far more than any other race (Excluding Native American males) it does make it harder for women to find men AND it makes it harder for men to deal with the “I don’t really need a man” mentality. Just as women have that natural desire to nurture, Men have a natural need to feel needed/wanted. When society has thrown that balance off AND people don’t understand the two terms mentioned above (Love/Lust) it causes all of the Maury Povich interviews, and Jerry Springer on stage brawls, and even the Vibe Magazine Slim Thug interviews.

Contrary to what Mr. Thug believes, I believe that MOST women (ALL races) are loyal. FAR MORE loyal than men. Just look at the visiting floor of a men’s prison. You’ll see women and children religiously coming to visit their fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles, etc… Take a look at the visiting floor of a women’s prison and it might look almost like a ghost town in an old western movie. Contrary to what Mr. Thug believes, I believe that black women have a stronger desire for success and security because of what black (and latino) women deal with that other women don’t have to. Are there some black chicks that are only out for money? U DAMN SKIPPY! But to generalize that is inaccurate.

As I stated earlier, I’m not exactly a fan of what was stated in this article but I think that more of the focus should go towards each of us and how we individually deal with relationships, rather than what was said in this article. This article is a wake up call for all that has gone wrong and is going wrong within our male female interaction. Although he does have some valid points and I will go as far as saying that I agree with some of the things that he said about the men, I am a bit surprised by some of his statements and by some of the replies to his statements.

Call this a shameless plug if you want but topics like this have been my focal point for the past year or so under the Brand Name Salon Stories. Facebook.com/HomeOfSalonStories

Slim Thug or no Slim Thug, we all need to read his article… eat the meat… and spit out the bones. Feel me?


-Kel Spencer

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God’s Favorite Emcee, Warrior Poet, Pen.Man, Satan Hater, Ice cream Lover, Quarterback of The Urban Experience & chicks dig me too…