Heaux (pronounced Hō)
I think I wanna be a Heaux…
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Now, where was I? Oh yes…. I wanna be a Heaux… Have you ever heard a female say that? I have. I just got off the phone with my homie Dee, and she shared a conversation with me that she had with one of her female friends. But as she told me about her friend saying, “I think I wanna be a Heaux ’cause them Heauxs be winnin!” A few real life scenarios popped into my head, For example:
The Sexy Scholar Scenario:
A female does what she’s supposed to do. She has a great personality, great smile, gets good grades. She graduates top of her class, makes it into law school, is captain of the fencing team, pledges AKA, and she… Oh, wait lemme be politically correct… *A-hem! She pledges AKA or DELTA or ZETA or S.G.Rho, she secures a job at a nice law firm, keeps her body up to par and eventually attracts what society would call “A GOOD MAN.” They get married, buy the dream home, have 2.4 children, a Benz, a truck, and a mini van and then she finds out that he’s sleeping with his receptionist who is a BIRD! Heauxs be winnin…
The High School Sweetheart Scenario…
He’s the captain of the basketball team, she’s the cheerleader. They’re voted class King & Queen. He’s also voted most likely to be the next Michael Jordan. He goes away to college on a basketball scholarship. She stays local at a community college to get her associates degree in basket weaving or knitting or whatever. He declares for the draft after his sophomore year of college and makes it to the NBA. He does right by the woman who has held him down all these years… His High School sweetheart… BUT! He also needs to let her know that he also has a daughter on the way by one of the “it just happened” basketball group-group girls who won the “get on your knees and pop it like it bubble” dance contest at one of the house parties. And that she’d be getting 17% of their income for the next 18-21 years… But will you still marry me? Heauxs be winnin…
The Twitter Getter…
He’s a hard-working, blue-collar entrepreneur kind of guy. She stays at home and holds the house down like a champion. The crib is spotless. The children are mannerly and well-groomed. His meal is always on the table when he gets home from the construction site. After dinner, he takes the laptop down to his man cave to smoke a cigar and hop on the internet. He logs into his facebook page, his myspace page, his Hi-5, page, his tagged account, his blackplanet page, AND his twitter account. He sees a tweet from this one sexy blogger that he follows and decides to go and see if she’s on facebook too for a more elaborate type of interaction because that 140 characters on twitter just ain’t gonna cut it! He finds her, sends a request and she instantly accepts. He sees her green light on, and says hello through the pop up chat and before long they’re talking. In the following weeks, he starts taking his dinner plate down to the man cave along with his lap top and cigar and lotion *side eye. Now, these chats have gotten rather sexual, there have been picture exchanges and all of a sudden he has to now leave town on “business.” Wifey understands that his construction business is expanding so she packs his bag and wishes him well on his journey for him to come home with a new weird attitude, a paranoia, a burning sensation when he urinates, a new person prank calling their home, and the eventual admission that he spent about 4 stacks on a sensual weekend slip away with a facebook friend. Heauxs be winnin…
The Popular Loser
She never has to wait in line at the club. In fact, the bouncers come to the curb to open her cab door for her as she waltz’s past the regular peasants and walks through the velvet rope, past the coat check directly to the VIP section where her over priced glass bottles of fermented grapes await her. She’s the wifey of the most popular promoter in town who’s actually a loser. She flaunts her 3 karat engagement ring and loves how jealous the other females are of her. The one thing she hates is that he hardly ever spends that much time with her but she understands that he’s out there grinding. The night ends and he walks her to the taxi cab waiting out front where he tells her the usual… “Babe, I’ll be home in about an hour and a half, I just need to go back inside and finish up this money count.” And of course she believes him, smiles as he kisses her and she rides off. As time goes on, she then starts to notice that while she’s in VIP, the “lesser than” females are giving her cut eyes, and screw faces, and low-key taunting her but she has no idea why. It might have something to do with the fact that her boyfriend never goes back inside to do the count. He actually waits for her cab to hit the corner to slide off with one of these “lesser thans” for some Jovial Jumpoff! Wait ’til she hears what’s about to happen 1 month from now…. 4 months from now… AND 5 months from now… Yup, there are 3 “lesser thans” pregnant by her Popular Loser fiance. Well, at least 3 that we know of. Heauxs be winnin…
I sent out a tweet a couple of weeks ago stating, “If I was from another planet, and the show Basketball Wives was my first encounter with black women, I would never want to seriously date a black woman.” I don’t know all of their stories. I can point out what is and isn’t my type but I can’t exactly judge them either. But what I do know is… a “Heauxs be winnin…” type of smell comes from some of the women on that show and from situations like that #iFiTDontApplyLetiTFly. With that being said, I can understand the logic behind Dee’s friend saying what she said. It’s like the “good girls” get burned while the opportunistic girls get the reward. I won’t even get into how this dynamic is very similar for us men… I won’t even touch on that. But I remember when words like “groupie” and “prostitute” and “stripper” and “escort” would hold a negative stigma. It’s damn near the opposite these days.
Maybe it’s just me though…
-Kel Spencer
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