Ok, So…
I recently posed the question “Who is easier to understand, Men or Women?” Out of hundreds of replies, 2 people said Women, 3 people said neither, and I found that VERY INTERESTING. There were even a few dozen women who exclaimed, “Women don’t even understand Women!!” LoL!!! Some of them even said, “That’s why women don’t get along with each other. It’s true in Work environments, It’s true in families, It’s true in female prisons VS male prisons.” HA!! That is just hilarious to me. And these are women saying these things! It’s almost like women need to come with a manual and instructions… Like women are the complex species, LoL! I joke, I joke…
But what isn’t a joke is that I feel the exact same way. Here are a few examples:
Her: Babe, You hungry? What do you have a taste for?
Him: Ummm… How about Chinese?
Her: Meh, I don’t want Chinese.
Him: Ok, how about Italian?
Her: Nah, I just had that 2 days ago.
Him: Ok, so what do you want?
Her: I don’t know, that’s why I asked you O_o
Her: Hey babe, what’s wrong? What happened at work today?
Him: *Sigh, Man, my boss is just getting on my nerves.
***Reverse
Him: Hey babe, what’s wrong? What happened at work today?
Her: *Sigh, *Tear drop… Nothing
Him: Babe, do you think I can still fit on this?
Her: Ha! Boy, if you don’t put that Large down and put on that XXL, I’mma beat you! You ain’t 21 anymore.
Him: Ha! You’re right. I’mma get my sexy back by the summer though, you watch!
***Reverse
Her: Babe, how do you think I look in this?
Him: *Deep breath, Ummm… I… I think that blue one looks better. I like you in the blue.
Her: You think I’m fat don’t you. Well, everybody can’t look like your little chicken head co-workers!!! You know what? That’s why I don’t like going out with you!
LoL! Of course some of those analogies were a bit extreme and animated…
Or were they?
The consensus on Men being easier to understand, BY NO MEANS, makes us the superior gender. Men being easier to read, BY NO MEANS, makes us better. But it does… well it SHOULD speak to a new approach that we all might want to take a look at. For example…
If I am a college and I offer finger painting as one of my courses, I’m almost sure that MOST of the students who take the class will get an A, And almost no one will fail. But if I offer Nuclear Physics, I’m going to have tutors, and extra help in place because I know that the complexity of that class will require me having extra reinforcements in place for those who truly want to pass. With that being said, do women deal with men in such a way that extra reinforcements are already in place to aid him in his understanding? Or is that even needed? Some women may say, “He has a mother, and maybe sisters and I’m sure he has female friends so he can learn all he needs to learn with them before I even meet him.” And that may or may not be true. But what I do know is, generally, women complain about men “Not getting it” or “Not understanding them” far more than men complain about women not understanding men. It makes me wonder if this female complexity is part of the reason (not all of it, PART OF THE REASON) why men typically take longer to commit. I know for a fact, if I was sitting in the registrar’s office, I’d pick finger painting, and phys ed waaaaaaay quicker than I’d pick Thermodynamic Theory, but that’s just me!
So is it that A- Men are just not as smart? And we’re lazy? And we don’t want to put in the work that it takes to understand and truly cooperate with a woman? Or B- Do women NOT realize that the consensus is that they are more complex? Or C- Do women realize that the consensus is that they’re more complex, yet they still think it’s a man’s job to step his game up and she shouldn’t have to be patient with him and/or accommodate him in his trying to understand her?
Talk to me… Oh, and for those who like to call, e-mail, text, BBM me, etc… in regards to these topics, I’m no longer entertaining those. There’s a space below for you to share, laugh, debate, pose questions, challenge, etc… This is entertainment but it’s also a chance to learn and possibly help someone. So if you want to hit me privately about what I post, do it after you’ve already posted it here and YES you can do it anonymously. Not being mean or arrogant, just being Real. Ok, so let’s have it….
-Kel Spencer
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This is too complex to even give a straight answer..lol
It’s a combination of A, B and C and is different on a case by case basis.
Sidenote: I think people rush into relationships too quickly and we have our own perceptions of who a person is before we really get to know them (especially women). Then, when that person doesn’t live up to our expectations – that’s when the issues arise.
I think that there are cases that fall into A, B and C. Whenever, I date a guy I tell him that I am simple and yet complex…lol. When I was married, I use to believe that there are just some things that you shouldn’t have to explain to a man, thanks to my father and brothers, however, I learned just the opposite in my marriage. I think that age plays a role in relationships, the younger you are the less patient you are. As you mature, you gain a little more patience and you are more willing to compromise. In my current relationship, he is just a gift from God, however, he made it perfectly clear in the beginning, “I am not going to do everything right, however, when I do do something wrong, please tell me and I will fix it”. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect and I think that we all just need to be alittle more patient when it comes to building a meaningful, fulfilling relationship. Peace, Blessings and Love!
Sweetheart, your last comments do sound a bit arrogant to be honest. But I get it. I had to close my blog due to a stalker, and I wish I had dealt with it in other ways. Hope you are more succesful than me in setting boundaries.
About relationships: I’m a counselor doing a lot of couple counseling, working on communication and trust issues. OMG, don’t even get me going. Clients love me though, and often we’re succesful, sometimes not.
However, my own relationship fails over and over on the bad communication. How sad is that?
Whew!! Let me jump into the fire on this one. As a WOMAN, I believe that A, B, and C are all valid depending upon those involved and BOTH men and women can fall into those three categories.
So many times we want to see ourselves in the best light, yet the truth is we are guilty of being the “monster” in the relationship.
Situation A: We are in a relationship where the other person (male or female) isn’t truly “participating” in the relationship and really has focus elsewhere….whether elsewhere is with another person, hobby, job, etc. Instead of communicating, we deal with it.
Situation B: Regardless of what others think, WOMEN think what they want to think. Yes, we think we’re more complex, but because being complex could potentially cause more problems than it solves, we choose to dumb down. We dumb down for friends, family, and those we are trying to get next to. Again, no communication.
Situation C: Women are emotional thinkers, while men are logical thinkers. Instead of placing ourselves in our men’s shoes, we feel like he should step his game up and understand us. Not fair to the man, our relationship, or ourselves, yet we continue to do it…no matter who brings it to our attention and tries to help us overcome the fall. Again, failure to communicate.
In all three situations, they were different, but the common factor in all three was failure to communicate.
If women chose to communicate more instead of requiring those involved in their lives (male OR female) to be mind readers, a lot of the complexity would be negated. Instead, we love the so called mystery of the complexness and allow the madness to continue.
I always laugh when I watch Harlem Nights, especially the part when Arsenio Hall is standing outside of a building with his crew and he’s spraying the building with bullets (as he’s crying) and the dude next to him shoots single shots (standing there all calm and collected), Arsenio gets pissed at him for the “one shot” asking him why is he using THAT gun and not one to do more damage. It reminds me of men and women. Women are like Arsenio’s character, all emotional, spraying a man’s ear gates with everything we feel we need to talk about, while the man sits cool and calm using less words (one or two words) and then we get pissed at him because he doesn’t have much to say or he’s not reacting the way we think he should. He’s using what he has, one shot/word, maybe that’s all he has at that moment. As I read this all I could think about was this scene.
I’ve come to realize over the years that as considerate and understanding I am or try my best to be, I am also impatient and will get flustered with men at times. I get nervous if I feel misunderstood so I try to overly explain myself which I’m sure has driven any many that I’ve had in my life nutty. It’s something that I have actively been working on
. I guess it takes a lot of patience and understanding on both ends. We women need to check our emotions more often yet the fellas need to understand and work with us, lol and us women need to give men more credit than we do (when he’s really making an effort to understand us).
Keep posing these question Kel. I love the challenge of looking at self and being truly honest and working it out. It’s not just about relationships it’s about healthy connections, selflessness, understanding and the will to really want your relationships to grow and last.
I don’t believe that neither Women nor Men are more complex than the other. The complexity of being in a committed relationship comes from the lack of communication and how two people relate to one another. If two people make the decision to take the time to get to know each other and learn by asking your mate “What are some things I can do or say to make you feel loved?” Then maybe the relations between men and women can lesson the complexities. If couples are not willing to accommodate or compromise…then be prepared for someone else to do what you won’t do.
Loving your comment! One of the most unselfish questions to ask your mate is “what can I put forth action in and speak to into your life that will aid in you feeling loved by me?”. I suggest the book 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman to people all the time. It has helped me in so many ways to help understand and love others the way they need and not the way I want (it ain’t easy but it’s a choice).