I’m going away for the next few days and won’t have internet access. As I was praying this morning, I was moved to share this publicly and I hope that none of you mind, and that this isn’t offensive to any one. This might take a while but ummm…
Dear God… First off, I want to thank you for breathing the breath of life into my nostrils this morning. You waking me up, lets me know that there is more that you want to do with me, and for me. I struggle, Father. As you know. In the world that I live in, and the career path that I’ve chosen, I struggle with certain things…
Your word states that “The LOVE of money is the root of all evil.” However, in my line of work, Money is often worshipped and chased after more than you are, Abba. Am I guilty of idolatry for ever placing my desire for money over my desire for you? Of Course I am. But I thank you that you have given me grace and allowed me the time and experiences to change my perspective on money. Of course I’m not perfect in that regard but I thank you.
You ask that we not partake in sexual impurities. I happen to have a large male following but an equally large female influence. Furthermore, As you already know Abba, I come from a past of extensive sexual promiscuity. There was a time when I had to feed a certain sexual hunger that I had. From being an honored athlete to crossing over into music and being in the company of popular and influential people, and traveling the world in the process, I have been exposed to women of many attributes and violated your sexual standard with them to a number and amount that I am almost disgusted with. You and I have had countless talks, some of them on my knees in hotel bathroom floors. I am thankful that I am no longer that guy. I am thankful that even in the midst of what I encounter with women daily, I’m on the winning side in my fight for sexual purity. Of course there is still a struggle in that area but, I thank you for your grace and mercies.
You ask that we love thy neighbor but in my career path and lifestyle, that love is hardly shown, by thy neighbor in return, unless there’s something in it for them. I find myself lending advice, Praying for/with people (some of which I don’t know or have never met), and doing random charities. But I do struggle with giving at times. I don’t ask for extra credit points for any of that because those are our basic responsibilities so I show love as much and as hard as I can. But I am guilty of feeling like because I give and show love that I should receive a certain amount of love and giving in return and that’s wrong. Because you love a cheerful giver, we should give just because. But I thank you for our forgiveness.
You ask that we focus, be faithful and be fruitful. I’ll admit, it is difficult at times to focus on a goal and be faithful while someone else, who may not be as deserving, ends up getting the fruit. And yes, I know that it is also wrong and maybe even judgmental for me to feel that I’m more deserving of something than someone else and for that I apologize as well. My mind should be more focused on you and on my “To Do” list than how someone else is being rewarded. I confess that and I ask for your forgiveness.
I just want to be better, Father. I know that there are people who love me. I know that there are people who dislike me. But I want to be the same person to them both. I don’t want to be made up or a character because of the line of work that I’m in. Even though, I know that being open and honest hurts me to a certain degree (In regards to my career). I thank you for blessing me with a Great biological Father and for blessing us all as with your Word. Together they have given me two excellent reference points on how to be a Real Man. I never want to be preachy because I personally think that’s corny, Father. But with everything I write, everything I record, everything I create, and everything I share, I want to become that same type of reference point to those younger than me, to my peers, and even to those my senior. Why? because before you are anything else you are Elohim, God the creator and you’ve blessed us with creative ability. So when I create, I truly want it to be an act of Godliness and spirituality and not just a means to get a buck. However, I will not think it robbery to create wealth at the same time. Again, I know this mind frame will make certain people not want to associate with me, and that’s fine. Maybe in time, they too will be comfortable enough with themselves if they aren’t already. But basically, Father… I appreciate all that you’ve done, all that you’re doing, and all that you will do. And I ask these things and ALL things in JESUS’ name. תודה לך, אבא
I know that sharing something like this publicly is a bit left considering where I’m from and what I do. Doing something like this doesn’t fit the “typical” image and might even come across as weird or maybe even lame or weak. But, I’m secure enough in my skin to look past the adjectives that may come from my nay-sayers and focus more on any positivity that can come of this posting, any change that may come, and on being obedient to what moved me to post it. I’m not really moved to say much more and I really don’t know what else to type…
-Kel Spencer
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This really minsitered to my heart this morning. Thank you for being transparent!
Absolutely loved it! I felt your heart!!
I commend you on your ability to look past the “norm” and be set apart for the Master’s use. I agree, in the industry you’re in, it’s not popular to be a God-fearing man, and it can be seen as a career-killer. But we know that your success has little to do with the popular crowd and more to do with what you do for God. I pray the spirit you possess will become contagious in the entertainment arena and you will be more a majority than a minority. The music industry is the pulse and heartbeat of our society, and from the music in mainstream media, our society is deathly ill. No longer are values and morals seen as great characteristics to uphold. They give way to promiscuity, lust, and every other lascivious thing our minds can imagine. It truly saddens me when I look at what is offered for young ladies and women who desire to remain pure and abstain from being tainted by the majority.
I don’t want to type a book although I already think I have, so I’ll end here and say again…thank you for being transparent.
You’re a deep brother Kel…BLESS!
@dstarwriter59 (twitter)
Kel,
I met you through Denise (BK’s Finest)…and while I’ve been amused through your “spencerisms” and such on Twitter, your post to God is amazingly honest.
Thank your for being a man of valor, one that God can trust, and one that is honest enough to reveal his heart for God despite what society says is socially acceptable.
While we all fall short of his glory, it his the Heart that God goes after.
King David, God’s beloved, was a murderer, an adulterer, and host of other things…but God honored him because his heart was always towards God, seeking His precepts, His ways,and wrote an entire book of Psalms about how horrible he was, how unworthy he was, how, sometimes he didn’t understand how God could honor him as he did… and it always lead back to his heart desire to honor God.
Whooo… Kel…
…and why are you single again?
Keep moving forward, sir.
Alisha (@dstarwriter59)
Kel…my heart is full after reading this. Not many of us could ever be this honest. Your words have touched the minds of many because these are struggles that many of us have either faced, or are still facing. Whether it is the music industry, or any other field of work in this life, there is the struggle between what you know is right, and what is so obviously wrong, but acceptable.
I thank you so much. I could write so much in response to this post, but thank you seems to sum it up. Thanks for your honesty and candidness, it really is a true blessing from God.
Please keep sharing, it encourages me. Makes me know to forgive myself for certain mistakes. We often ask God for forgiveness, but have the hardest time forgiving ourselves. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. You are the best!
This is beautiful, it really is. We are all going through these types of struggles. If anyone doesn’t want to associate with you because of this, it’s their loss. You are talented, smart and have God on your side – who can stop you? PUSH!
This is why I love you and consider you my family. You are not ever forsaken…he is bringing you into your wealthiest place. In fact, you are already there, beloved.
No weapon formed against us shall prosper.
Whenever the spirit moves you in that way it’s great to let it shine. Your soul is connected and that’s a fantastic state to be in (:
Lennie,
You are most definitely felt. Your word touched my soul. I started to tear up while reading this. I’m at work so I had to keep my composure. So this is all what was going through you head this morning? Man I don’t even know what to say after reading this, Just keep being YOU. I love your honesty. You’re so dope!!!
Wow. I know I can relate to what was spoken on this. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one going thru this but there’s others out there that feel the same way and going thru the same situation. This is what separates us from passion to moneychasers. Don’t worry kel, god always and will be watching over us.
You are so awesome to be so open and honest about topics we typically hide from others. Thank you for this post and making me realize that my giving nature has nothing to do with being a pushover and it’s ok no matter if the recipient of that gift doesn’t appreciate or acknowledge it.
Have a great trip and I’ll catch you on twitter.
This was a great read.
You know this part touched my heart the most: I find myself lending advice, Praying for/with people (some of which I don’t know or have never met), and doing random charities. But I do struggle with giving at times. I don’t ask for extra credit points for any of that because those are our basic responsibilities so I show love as much and as hard as I can.
You ARE a blessing. No need feeling guilty for being HUMAN. We all expect tangible, at the moment reward for what we do. Then we think about who’s running things and we move on know that you ultimately ALWAYS reap what you sow.
Be blessed homie. We don’t talk often but I still think about the notions you blessed me with that I’ll never to forget. *BIG HUG*
Beautiful.
i just wanted u to know that this told me a lot about u. it really brought peace into my heart. i hope u will forever and for always feel this way. i hope u continue to reach out to others as you’ve done to me today. my God be with u throughout ur life.
I for one am particularly moved and compelled to say something more to you! When I first encountered you I felt you were arrogant about your gifts and that you seem to have that coldness and detached thing going cause you know your Shyt is on point. Grace and Mercy belongs to those who serve GOD and are called according to his purpose. You know what I do…I am an Erotic writer and a sex symbol in my special interest group of BBW’s. Am I devoid of a pure spirit! Absolutely not!
Kel…”What you do is NOT WHO YOU ARE!” and a Man or Woman will be known by the “FRUIT that they BEAR”. No one would know looking at my pics or reading my work that I am from three generations of Preachers and Techer’s ….Well I said all that to say this…My opinion of you is not important…BUT MY OPINION OF YOU IS VERY HIGH!
RESPECT!
msluciousb aka BECKY aka msbosslady2
MSB in KC
BLESSINGS ON YA HOUSE!
I really enjoyed this. U r very brave to put ur emotions and beliefs out for everyone to see. For a real man can admit his mistakes and u have. We all struggle. I to knw how it feel to work so hard yet feel like sum1 receive the benefits where in my mind i’m better then them. We have to humble ourselves. Thanks for sharing and I’ll keep u in my prays.
Kel,
I give you the up most respect for what u said; I didn’t think it was lame nor weak. You’re a man and that’s what it took to say what you said. God has a plan for each and everyone of us as you already know. Experience is the best teacher, especially with hands on. That’s why you were placed in that lifestyle as part of your test; and God knows you’re not a weak person. So with that being said, He just gave you the extra strength to move forward in your life and know the difference between right and wrong. Leave the past in the past,You’re a millionaire with the love and the knowledge that you bring to the table for people to eat. The rest of your monetary gifts will follow. Keep up the good work baby boy, You’re a child of GOD and He will always watch over you. God bless
So much of this spoke to me and it brought back the core principal of forgiveness to the forefront for me. Not the forgiveness from others but the forgiveness that Gods give and the forgiveness and gentleness we must have with ourselves. I give thanks for you, your ability to share and the articulation of your emotions. Through your courage I find courage. I give thanks. All praises due to the Most High for your testimony and the positive energy you spread. Much love. I needed this.
Peace & Love
I think this can touch upon what we all struggle with on a daily basis and I too can relate to how this materialistic world that basis your success on the amount of money in the bank can take a toll on your spiritual struggles to be better. I find that I can get easily engulfed in this mundane-ness of it all and it takes a huge toll on me physically when I take a step back and actually make myself accountable for the smallest of things I have done i.e. judge someone based on their looks. Its a struggle, but with God and only through him can we make ourselves better. I think that being this open and honest is exactly what we need in these industries. I think that more of our youth and even adults need to hear some music thats not only selling sex, promoting promiscuity or drugs. I am so OVER all the b.s. and feel like we need to get down to the core of things and end this cycle of regression which we are all so caught up in. I wish you the utmost success! God bless.
Real men recognize the need to pray and declare the inner workings of God. Kel you are truly a man after God’s own heart. It is good to see a child of the Most
High God repent of his sins openly. “Therefore confess
your sins one to another and pray for each other so that
you may be healed (not just a physical healing). The prayer of a righteous (right standing thru Jesus) man is powerful and effective”. NIV James 5:16
This path that you will take will require you to not be weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not(faint) give up. Galatians 6v9
Regarding the money:
Beloved, I wish above all things that you may PROSPER and be in good health even as your soul PROSPER.
Thank you Kel for ministering to all of us!
I pray that God will keep you in perfect peace, because
you are keeping your mind stayed on HIM.
YOU ARE BLESSED!!! (empowered to prosper)